It's 3:42.
I'm laying in bed thinking about you.
Broken, hurt, nevertheless but sad.
You always do this but I still come running back.
Now its 3:43 and I'm still thinking about you,
remembering how we used to be happy at 3:42.

Broken.
She’s broken.
Her life no longer a token.
In her head,
She’s dead.
A subject for experimentation.
So she hides away,
Too scared to stay.
She begins to fray and fade away.
Dying.
She isn’t crying as she falls to the ground,
Barely making a sound,
Her death has been found.

If I could fly I would know, what life looks like from up above and down below.
I'd keep you safe, I'd keep you dry.
Don't be afraid Cecilia I'm the satellite, and you're the sky.

They try to keep her in a cage.
Little do they know that sends her to a path involving much rage.
The hideous colors of insanity fill the room, God the petrifyingly disgusting of numbing illusive thoughts that become beige.
She feels as if she's some type of animal like an ape.
She waits and waits watching for a chance to get away and escape.
Her mind goes blank, she comes back to this horrible reality where they're holding her down injecting her with painful series of medication which brings back memories screaming "****! ****! ****!".
Now she's oddly calm.
She stares down at her hand not realizing on the other side is deep red liquid upon her palm.
She screams louder and louder as the priest rushes in throwing erratically burning water upon her fraying flesh and reaping recognizable wretched holy words from a psalm.
She feels like she's in a dream.
But she's nothing can't even scream.
She's better now finally clean.

Hungry but I can't eat.
Depressing thoughts always on repeat.
Tired but I can't dream.
Mad but I can't scream.
Sad but I can't cry.
No longer can I give you a reason why.
Suicidal but I can't die.
Wishing I could say good-bye.
So for now I'll just say see you on the other side.

The only thing I fear is fear.
The fear of ever watching you shed a tear.
The fear of you going back to prison and not having words to say besides "Dear".
The fear of you drinking your last beer.
The fear of you not being here.
I fear everything when you're near.

It's like happily falling off a cliff.
The love you give me is a gift.
The love you give me is a curse.
I'm always expecting the worst.
I can always have a real smile.
**** doesn't it stay a while.
I just can't fight this feeling.
Dear won't you open my heart up for healing,
Darling won't you be mine.

Delete.

This poem meant nothing anyways.

RED is my left behind soul lingering through the wind.
RED is the balloon wisping through the wind whose freedom has no end.
RED is the taste of something so petrifyingly disgusting it should be a deadly sin.
RED is the taste of blood seeping through the cracks of your precious skin.
RED is the sound of the annoyance called rain clashing with your murky window pane.
RED is the sound of a love for someone so strong you couldn’t possibly explain.
RED is warm liquid slowly slipping out of your cold empty soul.
RED is the worrisome conscious of plunging into a dark hole.
RED is the smell lingering through the halls of a crime scene, where in which someone had to so viciously die.
RED is the smell of the tears you so desperately need to cry.
RED is the feeling of pain and desire that couldn’t possibly be compared.
RED is the paranoia of living forever that makes you so teeth-cringingly scared.

Arose from the dead.
Sick in her head.
She's the one to watch out for.
Cross her the wrong way and you'll be the next guy with his guts hanging out on the floor.
She's gotta twisted mind .
And an explicit tongue.
The words of the devil to be sung.
Watch your back boy, she'll creep up and ****** you up from behi- I tried to warn him.

The addiction: Imagine a place where you could escape from the place where your source of pain first began; Home.
Me: This sounds quite extravagant. How come I’ve never heard of this place?
The addiction: You have my dear but it wasn’t advertised as what it truly is. You see the escape is drugs.
Me: How do I get to this amazing place?
The addiction: It’s easy you just have to stay committed. But like most things there’s a price to pay.
Me: How much?
The addiction: Not how much. It’s how far you will go to stay in this paradise.
Me: Just the drugs?
The addiction: Yes, just sign your name on the dotted line.
Me: Okay. (Signs name)
The addiction: Your free now do whatever you like, but just remember it’s our little secrete. I have to go now but enjoy your stay. And remember you can always find your way back home. You know the way

If this is who you really are, than I want you far. If this is what a father is, than I never wanted one. All the money you had, and still you treated me so bad.  By far you're the worst dad I never had, and that makes you glad.
I should have been your princess with a crown
instead, you treated me like I was your clown.
Betrayed me and left me with a frown.
I hate what you have done to me. I used to be so weak, I was afraid to even speak. Now I have found strength and I'm not afraid. I'm not afraid of telling you to leave. You are my dad just by name, because of you I will never be the same. You are insane and that's how you will remain. I have such a hatred for you I couldn’t possibly explain.

Sometimes I wonder why I wait.
Wait to tell people how I feel.
Wait for people who will never care.
Wait for people who will never change.
Waiting.
I wonder why, why I wait.
I know how this all ends, just me a loaded gun and **** I wish I didn't remember.