You are my drug and I’m addicted
Whenever you are gone; withdrawal.
Every chance I get, I need a hit.
It is no longer a question of want.
For you make my fantasy reality,
You are my eternal happy pills
And I can’t lose that.
You are what keeps me living
Even as you **** me -
I shall love you forever.

All along I was blind,
While you Dragged me By the heart.

At the end of the hour
I hugged you hard
Not wanting to ever let go.

If time stopped at that exact moment
I’d be the happiest anyone could ever be.
Nothing more did I want or need.

I felt as if we were the only ones that existed.
I wanted that moment to last forever;
I didn’t care who would see.

I wanted us to melt together
Turn to a statue
Eternity to remain.

Holding you tight I whispered in your ear.
If I could go back
There’s so much more I wanted to do and say.

But all at once
Our embrace was over
You had to leave.
Our time was up.

Instead of ‘I love you’
I said goodbye.
You said you were sorry.

We turned around
Walking in different directions.
Please don’t leave, please.
I turned back around
Wishing for you to turn too.
Please wait, turn around, run to me.
Too late.

You kept walking
I watched your back as you left.
The best day with my heart still broken.

At the end of the hour
You were gone in a shadowy whisper
As fast as you came.
Was it only just a dream?

You have every right to be free
I don't want to keep your heart
Locked up and in chains
Holding the key with a title
Be free, my friend,
Love others, none, or many
Your heart has room for many.
I am your friend and that's just fine by me.

I want to take your entire heart
All of your love - all of you.
I want to be your world - your everything...
And then I want to break your heart.

I want you to write poems after me.
If you are even able to sleep -
I want to be in your dreams,
Forever haunting you.
I want to make you hurt,
I want your soul to bleed.
To curse you with eternal tears.
Baby, just let me break your heart -
Like you did to me.

Choking on what-ifs
And suffocating on memories
You left me buried in a shallow grave
Suffering.

No one to hear my cry for help,
No one to see me,
My screams remain stifled in my throat
Unable to pass my barely parted lips.
No air in my lungs
I remain silent.
Silent and forgotten.

Temporary

Pain is temporary.
Tears are temporary.
Fear is temporary.
Failure is temporary.
Nightmares are temporary.
Storms are temporary.
Darkness is temporary.
Coldness is temporary.
Immortality is temporary.

So just keep moving on, dear.
It will be worth it.
All of that hurt,
All of the bad that you feel,
It may seem overwhelming;
You may feel like you’re drowning
And can’t get back to the surface,
That it’s pulling you deeper...
But just know you can get up.
There are people who can help you swim
Through that deep darkness.
There is always someone
Who loves you and will miss you.
There is always tomorrow,
A chance at a new day for better things.

All of the bad is temporary
As long as you can keep hope.
Know there will be some bad days
But it will get better,
The good WILL outweigh the bad,
I promise you.
So you just gotta keep your head up, darling,
And keep walking.
This isn’t the end.
There is so much beauty and good to come
As the sun rises, so shall you.

Haven’t seen you in person
Since the 4th of July.
You went to the hospital
On the 26th of that month.
You couldn’t breathe.
You spent your 53rd birthday
In an induced coma, asleep and alone.

No one would’ve ever thought it would be that bad.
I wish it were me instead.
This torment is incessant.

Glimpses of happiness when I forget
Hell when I remember.
Most of the day I try to block it out
The only way to get through the day.

Oh, the amount of prayers
And oceans of tears
Yet the outcome is the same.

Why?
Why’d God take you so soon?
What did this prove?

There’s so much more we needed to do
That I wanted to do.

Reminders of you in everything.
Please come back
I need you.

All that time for granted
Thinking I had forever.
Not enough time before
And now am left with none.

I can’t see you
I can’t talk to you
I can’t give you a hug
Nor can I say I love you and goodbye.
All I can do is cry.
Cry and write.

Your life unfinished,
Here I stay wishing
That we could’ve traded places.

You didn’t deserve this dad.
I’m so sorry.
I miss you so much.
You were the best dad
That anyone ever have.

‘Til we meet again.
Don’t worry
I’ll be okay.
We will be together again soon.
With eternity after.

**** COVID-19
And mortality.
Now on, we shall be undying.

May you know only love and happiness
With unending light.
No more loss.
No more sadness.

You will live on through my memory.
Forever in my heart.
I know you will be looking down on me
And always guiding me.

I love you dad.

Only those with
A broken heart
Can truly write
Pain.

A broken heart
Means you were
Loved.

Deep in love,
Buried 6 feet under,
You’ll find me crying.

Black dirt in my mouth,
In my heart,
I remain dying.

The weight is unbearable
And I’m left suffocating.

Lover,
I can’t hold my breath forever.

Help me up,
Hold me,
And let go never.

Breathing in
I’m underwater.
The cold, dark water
Fills my lungs
Fills my mind
Makes me blind.
I fade away
To fantasy.
The past like unreality.

As I’m trapped underneath the surface
The memories of the bad drown me.
Dragging me deeper and deeper.
And I sink to the dark.

We need emotion.
Not what we can pick and choose,
But all of them.
Not everything can be good times
And happiness.
We need to get lost
So that we can be found.
We need to be in the dark
So we can find the light.
We have to get our heart broken
To know we were loved.
We gotta bleed
To know we are alive.
We gotta live
To know we can die.
We gotta feel pain
So that we can know
What it’s like to feel okay.
We need to make mistakes
In order to grow.
We need to fall
So we can learn to get up.
We need to love
So we can conquer hate.
We need to feel
So we can know we are human.
That is why we need emotion.

Let me be your end, baby.
Let your heart know
No more pain.
Let me fill every crack
From that broken heart.
I promise to hold you forever
And let go never.
Our fire of love shall know of no end
Let it be an eternal flame.

‘Til death do us part
Won’t apply
Because you promised infinity.
No escaping me.
Forever immortal
I am yours and you are mine.

They all say what we have so young
Isn’t real and that I’m delusional.
Well, to contradict reality, sure.
But still, it’s the realest thing I know.

Better fantasy than nothing
Better to believe in something.

We’re in this together
Even if they laugh and call us crazy
You have me.
And at least we will be
“Delusionally” happy
For eternity.

Forever yours, Cassandra

Memories flood
To the surface
And I drown
In the icy,
Black water
Of yesterday
As tomorrow’s
Shadow passes
Me by.

Happiness

We used to know each other so well
But you had to move away
With your last farewell.

I miss your presence.
With time you will be yet again a stranger.

It’s been awhile
When you do indeed come back,
Don’t fear to dwell.

I thought we’d stay in touch
But I guess you are busy
With so many other people to greet.
Surviving without you remains my greatest feat.

Forget reality
Come and visit once in a while.
You’ll be proud of my hospitality.

A haunted heart
With the eternal
Ghost of you.

Another said you love her.
How am I supposed to take this?
You say you want me...
Then still go behind my heart
And tell another the same.
How must I be sure of your love
Without knowing of your other lovers?
I am not a side
I'm the dessert -
The last dish
Where you are full but
You still choose me cuz you want me
The sweetness -
The satisfaction.
I am your end.

If I've known I was yours,
I would've known
What I was living for.

You shall no longer take any more of my words or my tears.
I am done crying and writing.
For you fill my mind and I become blind.

At least
That is
What I say
So you
Do not
Have to
Worry.

May I say that I miss you
Because it’s true.

I miss your heart
Your laugh
Your eyes
Your tears
Your body
And your words...
All of you.

And I fear that longing
Will never fade
Nor ever leave.

I was starving until I met you.
Feasting on your words
Of 'I love you' and promises,
My love grew.

Not knowing the only one
I cared about in the world
That I’d do anything for
Was the one that left me all alone
In misery - dying.

In the
End,
Nothing
Really
Matters.

It wasn’t me that made you smile.
It wasn’t me that made you happy.
It wasn’t me that made you laugh.
It wasn’t me that made you want to get up in the morning
It wasn’t me who you met in your dreams.
It wasn’t me who you lived for.
In the end, it wasn’t me that you were in love with.

I wish you a broken heart.
I wish you pain and I wish you tears
Just so you can know how it feels.

I wish you to be consumed by sadness
Where time seems to pass you by.

I wish for you to stay up all night
Unable to sleep
Just wondering where you went wrong.

I wish for you to feel as messed up
And depressed as I did
In every moment of every day.

I wish for you to feel everything
Because it seemed to be
That you felt nothing.

I just want you to have a little taste
Of the misery and sorrow I’ve endured.

But, I really don’t wish you a broken heart
Because it’s worse than torture.
And I’m not like you
I’m no monster.

I write my pain.
Every word is a tear.
I cut through the paper
With a pen
Instead of my wrists
With a knife.
Replacing my blood
With rhymes and lines.
A poem is born as I end my life.

Let our love rain down
Like the bullets
For Bonnie and Clyde.
I’ll **** for you
But don’t be mistaken,
I’d also die for you.
For never was a story of more woe,
Than this of Juliet and her Romeo.

You wish me luck and happiness…
With someone else.
But there’s no one else,
My heart was set on you.
You were the only one, lover.
And now my lonely heart dies
Every minute you are no longer with me.

Love me,
Or **** me;
For I shall take it
No other way.

Maybe When I'm dead
People Will know of my heart,
My fate, my words and my mind.
Maybe they'll finally care -
Finally read my words.
For my poetry is my eulogy.
Maybe when I'm dead,
People will know of my pain.
With my tears and blood
through these lines, rhymes, and stanzas -
May they see the true me.
And maybe when I'm dead,
I may finally be called a poet.

What did the Roman servants say
At the backs of the victorious generals?
After a victory, during a parade...
‘Memento mori’ -
Meaning: remember you are mortal.
May you as well feel pride,
But never forget to be humbled.

Here I remain
Alone:
A hole in my chest
Because I gave you my bleeding heart.
No longer beating
You robbed me of everything
What more do I have?

I am nothing without my love
And my love, how could you?
You stole my heart
You stole my breath
You stole my mind
And now you take my words.

My Clyde,
You said you’d always
Protect me, never leave me.
**** and be killed for me.
That together, we’d burn
The world that broke us.
And I was your Bonnie,
You had all of me.
I was willing to do anything,
But now I’m just a memory.

Why don’t you visit often?
Why do I never see your smile?

Do I make you sad?
Do you not like me?
Why do you glance at me
For a second and turn away the next?

Always with a frown
Sometimes you stand in front of me.
I watch as you brush your hair and teeth.
Putting on some mascara and lipgloss.
Dear, you already have a beautiful face.
I see you often change your outfit
And you sigh, so frustrated -
Yet I thought you looked great.

I watch you sitting on your bed
Silent tears running down your face.
I notice how the time flies as you stay there
Eating one meal a day
Waking up at 12.

I see you on your laptop all day -
Doing homework or just
Distracting yourself from all of the pain.

Writing in your journal
No one else knows your mind -
What’s in your heart -
Your eyes -
The weight on your shoulders -
And all of the sadness that consumes you.

When you finally take your mask off
And step off the stage of life at night -
Only I can see the real you.

You are taken.
All I want
Unable to have
You are my scarlet letter.
I would pay any price to make it right
To get you back.

I’ve been looking for happiness,
But it’s this never-ending
Game of hide and seek
Where I am never the victor.
The grace of tomorrow
Only chains me.
The dreams are the only escape,
But alas, they never last.

You make my heart ache so.
I can no longer sleep at night.
It hurts to breathe,
Yet I can never close my eyes.
I see no light.
Tears unending,
Pain deserving.
May we start over in another life,
For now, this is goodnight.
Sleep well, my knight.

Before, we were everything
Then we were nothing
Can we be something once more?

A whole universe and universes
But we are barely on the surface.
Telling us to shoot for the moon
But we can’t even leave our seats to explore.

Our love
Started from an ember
Underestimated and barely visible.
Flying through the wind, searching.
With oxygen, it was brought to life.
Spread, grew and
Lit this cold, dark world like a sun

Then, after time, it burned everything
All that was left was the cold, dark, dirt floor.
Nothing left to keep it alive
It shrunk, choked, and suffocated.
Death finally took our love.

Our love is worth
Trying for,
Fighting for,
And even
Dying for.

I just want to die.
I don’t want to feel anymore pain.
I’ve been hurt too many times
And cried too many tears.
Not enough happiness to make me stay.

Just let me go
No anchor to delay.
Too much loss
And the only gain; from weight.

My broken heart is irreparable.
The last blow turned it to sand
And the wind carried it away.

I am empty inside.
With no light
I remain in the dark.
Lost and alone.

My Romeo
Forget the world
Let’s run off
Just you and me.
Nothing else do we need.
Scarlet letter no more
I’m free.

Follow me
Let’s live happily ever after
With one another.
Bonnie and Clyde.
I’m here
Ride or die
Yet we shall live
Our journey traveling.

No more sadness
Only love and joy.
I don’t want anything else
Just you.

No, seriously
You misunderstood
Underestimated me.
You couldn’t truly see
My insane need and want for you
Oh so everlasting and deep.

Let’s continue on
Love will provide
Faith will guide.
Romeo, please
Let’s run off
Just you and me.

This feeling...
Seems to be undying.
It consumes me
And never goes away.

I know only glimpses of happiness,
Yet microscopic compared to the pain.

When will it not hurt so bad?
When will the good
Finally outweigh the bad?
How much longer must I wait?
How much more must I bear?

I  just gotta keep hiding it.
And when I wake...
I put on the mask as I step onstage.
Awaiting reality...
I remind myself to keep it all locked away.

Shadows of the past flicker in sight
And when I think it will all finally be over
I feel--everything.
Unable to say goodbye
I cry.

No escaping me
I remember and just die.
For I am not yours anymore
As you are not mine.

I've been waiting for you
My entire existence.
If that means I have to wait
A bit more to be in your arms,
So be it.
Because you are so worth
Every minute if it means
The rest of eternity.

I am not yours anymore
As you are not mine.

Tears are immortal.
They may cease but are never gone.
They cannot die
Nor stop at your command.

They come when they please
And leave at their convenience.
They live within everyone
And take control of your body.

They blind you and make you sob.
They leave you thirsty and with a headache.
Dehydrated, sad, and exhausted
Numb and empty when they leave.

They obey the situation
Determining their place.
And when called are never late.
Although, sometimes they disobey
Time and reality.

Cursed with the promise of return
One can never know
Could be at any moment.
They will reap when you are grim
So call them the Grim Reaper.

The blood of your eyes.
Tears are immortal.