Well, she almost looks like me
but her eyes are for everyone to see.
They don’t burrow deep in shame,
on her tongue, she freely smiles our name.

You stole my own reflection
from me.
I can’t even reach to her to see.
Her boldly touching the hands of others,
instead of shivering in the shadow of lovers.

My true reflection is covered in gold
from cuts and burns I’ve been too scared to hold.
Her smile wavers the longer you stare.
But isn’t it beautiful that her smile is there?

Have you ever felt water so hot it feels cold? That’s what it feels like to be me.

The momentary pinch of ice on the tip of your thumb. As soon as it’s felt it’s gone. But you know it’s not real, the water is hot. You turned the tap on yourself. It danced on your finger, almost teasing your skin, its feet gingerly tapped along.

Maybe we come so far in healing that we end up in the same place as before. I may walk in circles but I refuse to be lost.

Don’t lure me into the darkness
If you’re going to cut the ropes in the corridors.
I tried to walk to your heart beat but I couldn’t keep up.

Until the beat stopped.

Dreams you want to sell me.
Drop out of your mannequin mouth like ash, crushed on the floor.
I’d show you fear in a handful of dust
but you could never fear empty words.

Do I spin on this wheel of fortune forever? Offering slices of my heart like a bake sale. Or should I look at you with glass eyes? The world is full of dormant men who love the emptiness of women.  A vacant place behind her eyes that says I’m no longer here. I had to pack and retreat long ago because I’m too scared. I’m scared of you. I’m scared your hands are too rough to reach into my chest. Your hands are fickle. No fingerprints. I’d say I miss you but a man without fingerprints can’t leave a mark.

Image of me that’s not me with my name at the top. She passes it over. This belongs to you, take it and put it in your pocket, make sure it’s handy and clear to see, this beautiful ticket scribed in gold, comfort laid on thick like jam.

When an uncomfortable gaze notices the bruise on your neck or the darkness in your eyes.

Or the cadaver between your legs.