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L Jul 2013
"that's weird",
sorry i'm not normal.

"Why do you even want to do that?",
because my pleasure manifests differently.

"that's really ******* disturbing",
you think i care how you feel about it?

"have you talked to someone about this?"
no why should i? it's not taboo, you ******* close-minded *****.

"not a lot of people like that kind of stuff.. isn't it hard to find someone that shares that interest?"
yes it is hard for me, but that's because i'm socially disabled.

"have you managed to find someone?"*
yes by some ******* miracle.

this person likes pain in their pleasure as much as i do, and it's incredible.
L Jul 2013
i want your hands,
in mine.

i want your curls,
wrapped around my fingers.

i want your eyes,
looking at me.

i want your lips,
against mine.

i want your lungs,
                                 * to inhale me as i become the smoke,
                                                  
that fogs up the mirror of your mind,
                                                                  
and sinks into the deepest crevices.

*i want you.
L Jul 2013
i'm not entirely true to myself,
but neither are any of you.
L Jul 2013
i remember my friend laughing,
even in the worst situations,
which would usually cause the teachers,
to yell.

i think she did this,
to cover up her other emotions,
to drown them,
keep them silenced beneath a pillow.

she was loud and "obnoxious",
and she very much annoyed,
other students when,
they tried to work.

she sat next to me in math,
complained to me about everything,
i never thought to really listen,
but maybe i could've helped.

one day here,
the next day a cruel joke played on the class,
"the highschool councilor is here if anyone needs to talk",
"she took her life last night".

how'd she do it?,
"she hung herself in her closet",
this is a terrible sick joke,
"we're so sorry to have to tell you".

could i have helped?,
"this is none of your fault, kids",
but what if i had tried?,
"she was far beyond anyone's help".

she was only twelve,
"her thirteenth birthday would've been next month".
and for the first time in my life,
i prayed to a higher being for her safe travels into,
another kingdom.
L Jul 2013
you're the same,
except this time you're noticing me,
and you're willing to talk,
and you're .. different.

same dark hair,
same blue eyes,
my god your eyes are so beautiful,
but i'm gonna keep my opinions quiet for now.

three years passed,
and you never passed through my mind,
but here you are finally at arms length,
and finally within my grasp.

time changes things i know,
but for some reason..
my feelings for you,
are the same, but different this time around.
L Jul 2013
so much blood
oranges,
from the late summer nights spent awake.

so many scars
on the kneecaps of children,
fallen on hot pavement.

so much hatred
of green head flies,
buzzing in the hot air.

so many ways out
of the corn maze,
far into the field.

so much pain
from sunburns,
from being out in the sun too long.

                                                                    so many suicid-
                                                                    al thoughts,
                                                                    created over that summer.
L Jul 2013
sometimes i find myself typing your name,
to send a new message,
when i really mean to send it to anyone else.
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