i want to be thin,
not too thin,
but a gap between my thighs.
it's currently filled with remnants of late nights crying,
eating too much,
and hating myself.
i still hate myself,
so how can i achieve this?
i want to stop eating,
until my skin shrinks and i see bone.
i just want to see bone.

atleast i know,
that you'll move on fast.
and that you'll grow,
and leave me in the past.

i can't make you remember,
i can't make you forget,
when we first met in december,
hearts filled with regret.

i'd hoped for something longer,
something lovely,
something *stronger.

i don't want to grow,
i want to wither & fall,
to the ground,
and sink into a dirt infinity.

spread out like my fingers,
tiny webs formed,
across the canyon of corner to corner.
over millions of feet off the ground,
so it seemed.
such a small creature,
you mean no harm to anyone,
but the flies and the pests that creep in during the night.
you've done nothing wrong,
but trip across our floorboards,
and descend upon our tables.
but for some reason we feel,
that you have no reason to live,
and that no one would miss you when you leave.

he told me to fall,
back into him.
but when i tried his face twisted in disgust,
and he told me i was insane.
he told me he'd be gentle,
but he would turn around and grab me by the arm,
and leave bruises,
big purple bruises that i had to explain,
why they were in the shape of a hand print.
he said he cared,
and that i could always trust him,
hold him near,
have his love.
but he must've told that to all the other girls too.

i ******* hate you.