I wait for you, tell you to put the weight of your pain on my shoulders
-as if I'm not drowning already-
I look at my self in disgust, after discussing and blindly leading you to believe I'm in love with myself
-because what guys isn't right?-
I sit and reflect on all this ******* I drug myself through to keep the heels of your heels clean, romanticizing this reflex I have to catch you everytime you fall

I reign in the pieces of your broken heart every time you're too weak to pick them up, and that would be okay if you weren't so content raining on me everytime you felt cold

i remember i loved you so much
that i left a bowl of dry ingredients for brownies
stranded in the kitchen when you asked me
to come over.

and when you came home from toronto
and i got off of my third or fourth shift
at my first job
i left early and i ran to your house.

and for your 17th birthday (before i acquired
my majestic cupcake gig)
i spent all my babysitting money on
a worn sweater with the gucci label screened
onto it.
i had planned this months before we even dated,
i remember thinking we were going to be so close
that it would warrant me getting you a present.
i had only kissed you once and had only spoken to you
for two months.

and i still remember what i wore the first time
we hung out (rose gold crop sweater, black jeans, brown boots)
and what i wore the first time we kissed (tights, black romper, braided belt, earrings that kept falling out)
and what i wore when we broke up (flats, black high waisted skater skirt, weird 90s crop bustier)
and what i wore when i saw you for the first time afterwards (light wash jeans, grey knit top, pink sparrys)
and what i wore when we had our end of the line fight (black jeans, purple halter top)
the times i saw you after weren't overly notable, you reached out and i recoiled. you noogied me and i didn't let my friends make fun of you.
and then you asked me to start coming over again (light blue jeans, navy turtleneck)

i'm not sure what this poem was ever supposed to be.
i wish i remembered what i wore the night you told me
that you missed me.
but since you've been back, or i've been back, or we've been back
i only remember what it is to be with you.

we'll keep growing.

*11:18 P.M. June/22/2014

I lust for your lips

The way they align with mine
How they compliment your smile so sensually

I lust for your hips

The way they submit to my longing hands as I caress and renew my lust for you
How they ****** towards me as you lay on the bed beneath me, sending me into an animalistic  passion

But your eyes...those I dream of// they sparkle brighter than diamonds
They ****** me, draw me in like nothing ever has before.

I dream of your mind

Your beautiful thoughts, and dreams
It is boundless, you are boundless

I love your heart, your soul
These..more than anything are what I desire. So much pain, so raw yet so guarded. I would fight for years to tear them down if only to indulge in minutes of you.

All of this that I love// wrapped in Your beautiful body, now bronzed and focused. But this lust would mean nothing. Without the love that drives it.

Baby drink me in fast, for I am not an acquired love. You'll want me when you need it and hate me once you've had it. You just want me to fulfill your ego. You've had your mouthful //spit me out

"Baby you're the only one"
I'll be here forever
I promise that I'm not enough
But You'll try to make me better

I'm to blame//you'll take it all

As long as the day is, I manage to fill it with thoughts of you
As lonely as the nights are, I get through them knowing I'll kiss you again
As upsetting as things can be, I remember your lips, your hands, your waist, your eyes and I lose sight of everything else

And as hard as it gets, I will always be your escape.