I let my phone die so I could experience something

and I can’t tell If its 9 am or 12 in the afternoon
and I’m looking at the light coming from under my black curtains

and I’m squinting my eyes and watching the whole world blur
which is just how I’ve always liked it
so today is no different

I’m writing myself sick and drawing pictures of the hole in your lip
and the freckles on the back of your ears

and I didn’t mean to make this poem about you
but I wasn’t in the mood to tell you I love you either

and I ******* hate sunsets they make me far too sad

and I’m kind of wishing
I could just let the sun burn out my vision once and for all

then all I would have left is the simplicity of dreams

and I still wish you broke all of your bones

I want to be wanted
I want to be looked at and have someone say "that's her" with a remarkable grin on their face
Don't tell me it's not important, or that being wanted isn't needed
Because it's something I need
Just for once, I want to feel loved
Just for once, I want to be needed
Just for once, I want someone to want me

I want to be a writer.

I want to be a filmmaker.

I want to be invincible.

I want to see it all.

I want to look into your eyes and see something completely unexpected.

I want to dig my fingers through the dirt and discover some ancient secret.

I want to be famous.

I want to be completely unknown.

I want to be seen by you. Really seen.

I want to run my fingers across every inch of your naked body.

I want to run through every hill and valley.

I want to learn to live with the pain and in turn live with unfathomable grace.

I want to forgive.

I want to be forgiven.

I want to move forward with confidence and faith in all the uncertainty.

I want to look into the mirror and be at peace with what I see looking back at me.

I want to learn to live in the present.

I want to...

I want to take all these wants and forget them. I want to grab them and crush them with my bare hands. Let them ooze between my fingers and drip into a puddle on the cracked sidewalk. I want to watch these wants evaporate in the blazingly bright morning sun. Follow the frail ribbons of steam until they become undefined and indistinguishable from the puffs of white moving across the everything.

I knew from that moment on
every word and every phrase and every sentence
thought up in my head and emitted from my fingers
would turn into cadaverous dead bodies
that would turn into silhouetted skeletons
that would turn into fine powder blowing in the wind
that would disappear into a deep and dark abyss
deeper than any abandoned tire in an old forest
and darker than the pupils of my eyes
I knew I would be forever forgotten

Life
Life
Life
What is life?
Greens reds and blues?
Blacks And whites for those deprived
Tints and hues.
Separation and unity
Combined from seperate views
In one as conformity
For passion
For love
For fashion
For hate
For fake
And for fate
We dress and we wine
We stress and we shine

stars they say
Scars the soul
As it heals in a way
Lies we are told
Lies we believe
Lies we repeat
Lies we never achieve
Lies we defeat
The truth indeed-
Without a doubt
Will set us free
Yet we scream and shout
We scream and shout...

Hidden in a box
Hidden In lies
Wisdom in detox
Purpose dies
Drugs stuck
Freedom a game
Of nothing but luck
Wilderness wildly tame