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 Feb 2014 Deleted account
k
picnics
 Feb 2014 Deleted account
k
I saw our tree in the park today
Remember the one
We carved our initials into?
It must have followed me here
Taken a train or a bus
Its branches bending, cracking, snapping
Trying to squeeze into its seat,
Travelled all the way from our park
With those lilac bushes and
Saturday morning picnics.
It must have known
That I would
Miss you.
 Feb 2014 Deleted account
L
You think of me as a walking libido,
as a person who only wishes to be touched...
A person without a heart.

How could you think that?

The audacity sickens me.

Do you not understand that I have a heart?
That I have the ability
to feel
to cherish
to love?

No, it isn't always on my sleeve...
I know that --
It's constantly shielded by my mind and the logic I so desperately cling to.

But you know me, don't you?

You should.

**By no means am I "heartless".
for whoever said it
We always said we didn’t know what we would do without each other
But we did know

We’d only known each other for two years

I wasn’t there when your parents split up and each remarried
or when you had to get stitches on your face
or watched your first scary movie

And you weren’t there when I smoked my first cigarette
or tried to **** myself when I was 13
or when I won that soccer game my freshman year

The last time we had *** we were in a rush
because we had school in 37 minutes
and so we made it sloppy and fast in your shower
and then we drove to school together with wet hair and we laughed

The last time we had *** I got pregnant

This wasn’t one of those scares where you’re two weeks late
so you buy a few cheap tests and it’s negative
so you stash the rest in the back of your drawer and forget about it

I got pregnant on the first day of June and I never told you

I miscarried on the last day of August
and you never even knew how close you came to being a father

We stopped talking and I couldn’t even tell you
how I was stunned into silence when I realized I was going to be a mother and then knew I had to keep it a secret

Knew I had to keep our dark haired future to myself

So here it is the end of February

I should have been having the baby this week or next
and you NEVER EVEN KNEW

I watch you say how much you love this little 15 year old girl
you’ve been dating for six months

I miscarried the day you started dating so tell me that was just a

coincidence

But don't you dare ever tell me you don't know what you'd do without me
Well, I guess you wouldn't anymore

Seeing as how you don't want me
When you fixated on parts of me
You reduced me to those things.
I loved you,
So I swallowed the hurt,
And I swallowed the sad,
And I gave you everything that I had.
I became what you wanted,
I sliced off those body parts
And sent them to you, reluctantly, at first
But a starving dog will beg for a bone;
When I saw that was all that I could hope for
I let you cut me up.
I sent you segments of me.
But the one part that you never asked for
Wept and wept, waiting for your love
Waiting, in vain, crying, in pain.
 Feb 2014 Deleted account
la luna
wanting to die
is not a selfish adventure
when you can't handle
the thought of walking
step by step in a world
that you hate to the bone
One day I’m going to have to stop doing winged eyeliner
and getting drunk in public places

And one day I will have to admit to myself
that I don’t really know what love is

One day I will get in my car
and throw my just lighted cigarette out of the window
because I don't really need it after all

I’ll stop listening to depressing music when I’m home alone

I’ll stop showing up to your house at 1 in the morning

And I’ll stop throwing up in toilets every Friday

One day you’re going to find out about me -

How I’m used up and selfish and *****

One day you will notice my scars
and you won’t kiss them and tell me you love me through it all
because this is not a movie
and pain is not beautiful when it’s as obvious as
blood dripping in your mouth

You will not compare me to a wild flower
and want to **** the nectar out like an active bee and pollinate me

You will pull my sleeve back down
and look out of the window until I drop you off at your house
and you kiss me on the cheek once
instead of leaving marks on my collarbones
and you will not call me right away anymore

so I guess what im getting at is my demise was our own
and no one likes pain they have to look at

No one likes darkness when its up close and personal
You are cold tile in summer
I am bare feet

The sun rises and dies for you daily
The moon watches you sleep
Watches dreams from deep underneath eyelids

Irises like cliff diving
If you look down you cannot breathe
I wish to be the air caught in your lungs

Skin beneath my fingertips
Softly yielding
We are the last two on earth
I would choose no one else to be lonely with

I am drawn to you like a moth to flame

Desire like a trick candle on a birthday cake-
There is no burning it out

Smoke curled from your mouth like ribbons
I wished to be your cigarette
If only for the chance to be close to your lips again

I want to breathe you in
Have you lingering on my tongue like melting candy

When I was little I thought happiness was a magic potion
Now I know happiness is a feeling
Caught in the gaps of my ribcage
Only to be discovered with the x-rays that are in your touch

I am in deep blue water
Feather light
Using thoughts of you to keep me afloat

There are flowers sprouting from my heart
Your touch holds my bones together
You are a skeleton made of stardust
There is magic in your breathing
I find myself longing to inhale it
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