Submit your work, meet writers and drop the ads. Become a member
 
 Dec 2013 nicole smith
s
If people were rain,
I was drizzle,
and she was a hurricane."

Maybe I am one, a hurricane.
Inside I crave the peace and serenity
Granted to mid-morning drizzles
Falling gently on side walks,
But I cannot calm my dark,
Repetitive, abrasive thoughts enough
To bring in and accept my
Yearning for some quiet.

I can never stay anywhere,
With anyone,
For too long.

"I need to go. I need to get out of here."*

But, with you,
I forget time.
I feel open and vulnerable.
I just want to stop it all,
And just be happy.

Is that alright?
when people leave
you get this feeling
an ache in your chest
your heart never rests
it doesn’t matter
how they leave
be it
by closing their eyes
and letting the dark
consume them whole
or just them moving
across the globe
there is no doubt
you will feel
things that no one
deserves to feel
it might feel
as if a knife
were to go right through your chest
as if a blade
was made for your wrists
and sometimes
you think that it’s your fault
but please don’t
you already did your best
e.j
These days, I am all over the place.
In a daze.
Half asleep, half awake.
Walking,
sleep-walking.
Waking.
Sick-ly, and sick
with mind-noise.
And then,

quiet.
 Jul 2013 nicole smith
M N V
I get so caught up in trying to make it all beautiful.
"These are your glory days, darling."
Sixteen and full of potential energy.
Flammable youth, some would say.
What will I become?
I'm in love and in debt with possibilities.
My insides are soaked with prayers and... want.
I'm tired of trying to be what I don't even think I want to be.
what everyone else expects of me.
I want to be free.
Free from grades and the cliches.
I'm sixteen! I'm supposed to be free!
My life isn't even worthy of any label.
I'm merely a reflection.
Oh, God.
That first taste so bitter and cold
By the third I'm that sweet altered state
I'm thirsty for acceptance
I'm hungry for love
This power feels incredible
My love of that altered state
Grows deeper every time
That feeling that everything is pillowed soft
My issues melt away what's left is the best part of me funny, ****, blunt, little me
Truth I need that altered state to help me feel normal
The hole world has no idea what its like in this head
The constant tug of war over every little decision  
A battle within myself
I don’t have* any pressure to go sledding
Because I’m still afraid of falling on the ice
And you loved the snow

I don’t have to risk my life on icy back roads every day
On the pretense of returning your things
Just so I don’t have to wait 24 hours to see you

I don’t have an extra pair of your shoes under my bed
From when you accidentally left them there
You were always leaving your things around

I don’t have a second home to spend the day at
With open fields full of snow banks for fort-building
The house is gone and so are you

I don’t have a reason to build a snow-fort this year
No one cares to sleep in it, it’s too cold
You were that kind of crazy

I don’t have someone to bake cardamom cookies with
We both had sticky dough on our hands
And we washed them in the same sink at the same time

I don’t have a friend at the Christmas parties
Who can back up my wild stories about the week
And argue with me about the rules for card games

I don’t have a cuddle-buddy for watching movies
We never really got the chance to do that
We were always running off to get some alone time

I don’t have to hide when I’m changing out of my wet snowy clothes
Because you’re never going to walk in from the cold
And start changing your clothes too

I don’t have a fire in my hearth
But I’m sure there’s one in yours
I used to enjoy watching you make them with your dad

I don’t have any wet, *****, sandy puddles to clean up
Because you’ll never walk across my kitchen
And forget to take off your boots

I don’t have to walk around barefoot
Even if it means getting my socks wet
Because you’re not there to remind me with your calloused toes

I don’t have twice as many presents under the tree
Not because we ever exchanged gifts, we were too poor
But every present you received and loved made me happy too

I don’t have snow down my neck from the snowballs you threw
I don’t have wet globs of melting ice in my hair because you tackled me
I don’t have anyone to make tea for, because I don’t even like tea
I don’t have your countless little siblings to share my snacks with
I don’t have to make cooking mistakes because I can’t bring you baked oatmeal
I don’t have a built in heater to share the backseat with
I don’t have a hoodie I can pass back and forth between us
I don’t have a companion to go on long walks with
I don’t have a curious mind to share kissing ideas with
I don’t have a hand to hold when I’m about to fall down on the ice

I don’t have you

This is the time of year that makes me miss you
I start to notice the empty spaces in my life
And there are little things everywhere to remind me of you.
Amazing dream lasted forever and i didnt want it to end. My love I yearn for came into my dream, and that's what made the dream so amazing. I came up behind her and hugged her. I looked her in the eyes and she did the same. Then without warning, we started kissing and we fell in love. Everytime I saw her in my dream, I would come up from behind her and we would we kiss and it felt like our kisses lasted forever, it was amazing. I never thought I could feel so amazing, but it I did. I never wanted to leave the lips of my love, but unfortunatly, I had to wake up. But I will never forget the most amazing dream, that will never really happen.....
For my love, Allison Ray Lemmons
(Composed at Clevedon, Somersetshire)

My pensive Sara! thy soft cheek reclined
Thus on mine arm, most soothing sweet it is
To sit beside our Cot, our Cot o’ergrown
With white-flower’d Jasmin, and the broad-leav’d Myrtle,
(Meet emblems they of Innocence and Love!)
And watch the clouds, that late were rich with light,
Slow saddening round, and mark the star of eve
Serenely brilliant (such should Wisdom be)
Shine opposite! How exquisite the scents
******’d from yon bean-field! and the world so hushed!
The stilly murmur of the distant Sea
Tells us of silence.
                             And that simplest Lute,
Placed length-ways in the clasping casement, hark!
How by the desultory breeze caress’d,
Like some coy maid  half yielding to her lover,
It pours such sweet upbraiding, as must needs
Tempt to repeat the wrong! And now, its strings
Boldlier swept, the long sequacious notes
Over delicious surges sink and rise,
Such a soft floating witchery of sound
As twilight Elfins make, when they at eve
Voyage on gentle gales from Fairy-Land,
Where Melodies round honey-dripping flowers,
Footless and wild, like birds of Paradise,
Nor pause, nor perch, hovering on untam’d wing!
O! the one Life within us and abroad,
Which meets all motion and becomes its soul,
A light in sound, a sound-like power in light,
Rhythm in all thought, and joyance every where—
Methinks, it should have been impossible
Not to love all things in a world so fill’d;
Where the breeze warbles, and the mute still air
Is Music slumbering on her instrument.

   And thus, my Love! as on the midway *****
Of yonder hill I stretch my limbs at noon,
Whilst through my half-clos’d eye-lids I behold
The sunbeams dance, like diamonds, on the main.
And tranquil muse upon tranquillity;
Full many a thought uncall’d and undetain’d,
And many idle flitting phantasies,
Traverse my indolent and passive brain,
As wild and various as the random gales
That swell and flutter on this subject Lute!
   And what if all of animated nature
Be but organic Harps diversely fram’d,
That tremble into thought, as o’er them sweeps
Plastic and vast, one intellectual breeze,
At once the Soul of each, and God of all?

   But thy more serious eye a mild reproof
Darts, O belovéd Woman! nor such thoughts
Dim and unhallow’d dost thou not reject,
And biddest me walk humbly with my God.
Meek Daughter in the family of Christ!
Well hast thou said and holily disprais’d
These shapings of the unregenerate mind;
Bubbles that glitter as they rise and break
On vain Philosophy’s aye-babbling spring.
For never guiltless may I speak of him,
The Incomprehensible! save when with awe
I praise him, and with Faith that inly feels;
Who with his saving mercies healéd me,
A sinful and most miserable man,
Wilder’d and dark, and gave me to possess
Peace, and this Cot, and thee, heart-honour’d Maid!
Next page