Isn't it awfully nice to have a *****?
Isn't it frightfully good to have a ****?
It's swell to have a ******.
It's divine to own a ****,
From the tiniest little tadger
To the world's biggest *****.
So, three cheers for your ***** or John Thomas.
Hooray for your one-eyed trouser snake,
Your piece of pork, your wife's best friend,
Your Percy, or your ****.
You can wrap it up in ribbons.
You can slip it in your sock,
But don't take it out in public,
Or they will stick you in the dock,
And you won't come back.

Physician, jab thy sinfu' sel',
An' thereby sairly fare thee well,
Since jabs make well (I heard thee tell)
                  When health is sparse.
Go to the de'il an' go to hell,
                  Ye lyin' ****!

Ye de'ilish tadger, kin of Cain,
The Hippocratic Oath ye've ta'en
(Ye villainous hypocrite!) in vain
                  An' spoilt yer name,
An' a' for wealth and warly gain;
                  An' that's a shame.

The ******' lord o' ******' flies
Has twice ten billion zillion eyes,
An' craves to eat the flesh that dies,
                  An' sees ye clearly;
But God, who sees yer sprite (surprise!),
                  Still loves ye dearly!

Repent an' pray, ye rocket man,
For Christ forgives (it's in His plan)
An' could forgive yer whole ****'d clan
                  If ye'd but ask.
Perhaps ye can, perhaps ye can
                  't perform the task!