I dig my hand into my chest
to find that thing that is suppose to exsist
and when I bring my palm back out
my hand is consumed in ash
the reminants of those things that exsisted
filter in the creases that depict the past in my small palms
those memories when I would look into your eyes and smile
with the lips of a child
I hold you in my eager mind like an antqiue too precious to speak of
our lives have bid us to walk in a direction opposite of what we had hoped so long to accomplish

and now I see you, sitting beside me and I wish
nothing but to graze my hand upon yours
like the wind flourishes the oceans heart to beat
in a more rapid pace, like the winds bid the waterfalls
to leap into a uncharted terroritory
this is how I wish to brush myself upon you
I want to kindly give you the most feminine part of me
so that it may touch and love the most feminine part of you

I wish to scourn you like the sun scorns the leaves
in autumn, I would hope to make your colors change
to make you fall stagnant on the ground, like a silent whisper
I would like; if it was in my power to place a winter
upon your womanly chest, to freeze you
to make you shiver
to isolate that bitter, bitter potion within your distraught eyes
only so that I may bring the spring of my love
upon your soul
only so that we
you and I
live in our own universe where things that are forbidden do not exist
such as this burdened control
so that I may kiss whatever it is that is left
of you, whatever was not burnt and killed
by your fathers eyes
when he left you
and generated those monstrous cries

I, me
somewhere inside of my endless space
miss your defined jawline and that magnificent face
I miss that one morning I woke up beside you
after the first night our virginity in this type of love manifested
I cringe at the sight of your almond shaped eyes on that day
when the sun peeked through your white blinds and blue walls
and casted that eminence upon you in that natural way
when your tan and native american like skin brushed upon mine
and I closed my eyes and held you as if it was the last time
our hair was long and black and encircled our faces
like dead flowers in a field, I knew who you were and I knew nothing of you
I knew who I was, and I knew nothing of me
but regardless
we were one

If could rip my eyes out in exchange for words soft enough
to explain our touches, to explain the tenderness that ran
from your woman and into mine
I would
If I could shed my skin in exchange for words that cry a thunder and volcanic eruption powerful enough to convey the needles that dug into me like hope against fragility,
with no
no mercy
I would

that was almost 4 years ago, before I knew what I know now
that morning is many days and many nights behind me
and still till now, the noise made between our two separate bodies
hums its rhythms like a permanent tune, scarred lucid and repetitive
upon my ear drums
still you melt in me  like the snow melts upon the highest mountain
in the sun, when summer approaches in june
the time you and I first met