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midnight prague Jan 2011
I dig my hand into my chest
to find that thing that is suppose to exsist
and when I bring my palm back out
my hand is consumed in ash
the reminants of those things that exsisted
filter in the creases that depict the past in my small palms
those memories when I would look into your eyes and smile
with the lips of a child
I hold you in my eager mind like an antqiue too precious to speak of
our lives have bid us to walk in a direction opposite of what we had hoped so long to accomplish

and now I see you, sitting beside me and I wish
nothing but to graze my hand upon yours
like the wind flourishes the oceans heart to beat
in a more rapid pace, like the winds bid the waterfalls
to leap into a uncharted terroritory
this is how I wish to brush myself upon you
I want to kindly give you the most feminine part of me
so that it may touch and love the most feminine part of you

I wish to scourn you like the sun scorns the leaves
in autumn, I would hope to make your colors change
to make you fall stagnant on the ground, like a silent whisper
I would like; if it was in my power to place a winter
upon your womanly chest, to freeze you
to make you shiver
to isolate that bitter, bitter potion within your distraught eyes
only so that I may bring the spring of my love
upon your soul
only so that we
you and I
live in our own universe where things that are forbidden do not exist
such as this burdened control
so that I may kiss whatever it is that is left
of you, whatever was not burnt and killed
by your fathers eyes
when he left you
and generated those monstrous cries

I, me
somewhere inside of my endless space
miss your defined jawline and that magnificent face
I miss that one morning I woke up beside you
after the first night our virginity in this type of love manifested
I cringe at the sight of your almond shaped eyes on that day
when the sun peeked through your white blinds and blue walls
and casted that eminence upon you in that natural way
when your tan and native american like skin brushed upon mine
and I closed my eyes and held you as if it was the last time
our hair was long and black and encircled our faces
like dead flowers in a field, I knew who you were and I knew nothing of you
I knew who I was, and I knew nothing of me
but regardless
we were one

If could rip my eyes out in exchange for words soft enough
to explain our touches, to explain the tenderness that ran
from your woman and into mine
I would
If I could shed my skin in exchange for words that cry a thunder and volcanic eruption powerful enough to convey the needles that dug into me like hope against fragility,
with no
no mercy
I would

that was almost 4 years ago, before I knew what I know now
that morning is many days and many nights behind me
and still till now, the noise made between our two separate bodies
hums its rhythms like a permanent tune, scarred lucid and repetitive
upon my ear drums
still you melt in me  like the snow melts upon the highest mountain
in the sun, when summer approaches in june
the time you and I first met
Evan Robbins Jan 2012
old
I saw death
But he didn't see me
I cheated fate
yet still did I bleed
I bested life
but insanity won the war
I shouted to the deaf
but still i felt torn
I recieved the scourn of god
but it felt so odd
to be punished for being a man
I couldn't stand
to see you go
but you didn't show
me the best you could be
as far as i see
you didn't need me
In a dark corner I sit in a ball
arms holding my knees to my chest
Trying to digest the stress I feel pressed against my neck
Like it wants me not to breathe
Not even sure of what to believe
What are my beliefs
And is it all just a placebo relief from whatever grief until we can find our next piece of happiness
Or is this as good as it gets
Left with the memories that are
Suppose to comfort me
Instead they remind me of what I lost
All i see is the loss and the cost of taking it for granted
So now I pay in regret for wut I don't have left while I try to collect all the
Pieces to correct a shattered life
That lost respect
Both mine and those around me but surround me as if to drown me by
Pounding my made mistakes in my
Face like the stake to a vampires heart
My only residule is this art that
I was never smart enough to use
Properly
but it is my only property
And All my life has to offer me
And so I offer these to you
In hopes that once it's spoke
I can say it wasn't all for nothing
That my heart was broke
That my spirit was gone
That my soul was *****
That those that depended on me
Remain hungry and thirsty
And onthe end I warn u if u wish for life not to scourn you
Don't be like me and let ur insecurities pour through
Don't feel sorry for urself oh poor u
Cause u can't afford to
So I implore u and inform u
That poisonous is self doubt
Or bath in ur own tears smelling like
Failure and no one can help
Take it from me a man who
Couldn't learn to believe In himself......
Shay-za-di Apr 2014
in your room, your santuary,
open your laptop,
sit down, relax, let go of the burden you carry.
think of the good, the bad and the worst,
think of what helped you smile the most.
you still feel insecure and alone,
thinking about the past thats gone.
think of the future, the guilt and the pleasure,
weigh it out, see if your life is still a treasure.

by living we learn,
how much our souls can burn,
how much our hearts can mourn,
how much our minds can scourn.

but sometimes we have to let go,
believe that there can be something more,
believe in fate, time let it slow,
let our souls smile and let it glow.
& maybe i would really laugh. sigh hs!
The life of the body absorbed by a strife,
Unsettled, and stormy,
It swirls and ignites,
A personal drama as real as a knife,
Simple and sensuous rage and delight,

The stage is the soul and the soul is a fright,
The actors are gilded and wielding the plights
of their parts aimed at hearts at the heights of their hearths
And the mice and the men, they all shrink to decide,

So the bickering started when sides were so drawn,
And demands, they were placed for all eyes looking on,
But concerns such as safety prevented the rightful
Decree of my conscience, the Earth of my scourn,

There may not be honor, equivocal speech,
Uttered, I'd dance an advance and retreat,
But the truth in the matter's how hallow the blame,
Became when it came from each manner's deceit,

The real wrong ran as deep as the core of the planet,
As hot as to melt all the glass and the granite,
That built all the homes that our families' founded,
Soaring rhetorical speech to be grounded,

When my truth is spoken, unbroken and free.
Kristie Townsend Sep 2016
Escape Plan (by Kristie Ledwith Townsend)
17 May 2012 at 06:39

I feel no pain,as I slice myself again


all I feel is numb, dumb, brains gone


disgust and loathing at myself, shame


not a chance of laughter, long gone, my fun.








when was the last time I laughed?


really giggled? until I could no longer catch my breathe?


when did I last let loose? Carefree?


when was my sarcasim, last at its best? dreft?





I look at myself in the mirror, what do I see?


who is that? eyes dead? lifeless, staring back at me?


when hollow, insincere words escape empty shell


I pray that today, I finally leave this life, my self imposed hell.








I've planned it now, my final goodbye


down to the very last letter, not even a half arsed try


yes I am thinking of my children, yes I am thinking of you


You'd be better off without me, without the damage you know I'd do








please do not save me, not this time


I want to meet my maker, I want to converse with the divine


I no longer wish to merely exsist, not on this earthly plane


No more shame, nor blame, not in this 'Townsend' name








I am being selfless, not selfish, please ,please see


I am thinking of us all, and not just pathetic ole me


Please don't mourn for something filled with age old scourn


For I will be glad, to no longer be , an involuntary Pawn.








I shall smile at the gates of heaven


if indeed that is my intended destination


pain gone, carefree, just me


finally I can be the spirit I've always wanted to be





if you think me selfish, if you think me bad


save that energy for something more productive


for someone who'll be glad you had


for that is a wasted emotion on me, I am not sad,


for at last feeling free, How I always wanted to be.......











Just me.......Kristie

— The End —