It burns.
Badly.
The burning sensation
Can take over and ****.
But  you begin to like the burn.
Even crave it sometimes.
It's the kind of pain you secretly love.
Kind of like when you hurt someone you love,
Or when someone you love hurts you.
You know it's bad.
You know it's wrong.
But you just can't stop.
Because even though it's awful,
Even though it's painful,
Even though it's lethal,
It all hurts so good.

{alaska}

you don't remember everything i do.
if you did-
we'd still be sunbathing in memories.

How do I feel?
I’m feeling, a bit overwhelmed, I don’t have my friend anymore,
I’ll be honest, my cuddle buddy has left me and now I’m relaying on tea
A poor substitution,
Or is it my saving grace? Am I too far gone?
I’m not even going to mention its name,
I can’t look at it, for fear of feeling a craving,
Am I scared of a cigarette packet or myself?
Will I make it through even one day of abstinence?
My heart replies no, my mind screams ‘you’ve got to…
This can’t be your life, the weight crushing you each and every day,
But you pretend you’re ok with it’.
It’s like nothing I had ever encountered before,
I remember trying a cigarette years ago,
In uni, andhated the bitter taste,
How can someone somehow get used to the taste,
And enjoy it? Addiction is a powerful thing,
I need to go one day without it, that’s my goal,
Then count the days and forget about it once I’m over it.
I wish I could just go back to high school and live my life over,
I’d be happier and would not have made the same mistakes,
I never would have become a smoker.
I am a wannabe nonsmoker.
Doubts cloud my mind, can I unravel my subconscious,
Deal with my demons and not give in?
What will it be like to be a reformed smoker?
Absolute bliss I think, and I can spoil myself with chocolate.

Said Karl Barth.

We cannot easily forget
It is possible
To be a teetotaler
A nonsmoker
A vegetarian

And still be called Adolf ******.