I can no longer eat them
A bag of cookies
We ate them
The day of my first kiss

We were at school
Of all places for this story to start
In the college office
Whenever we were in there
Clara put on headphones to block us out
I now know that she did it
Because she couldn’t stand to watch
This, all of this, happen to me
But I digress

We sat in the college office
You, me, and Karol
You said you had to go
To clean your room
But we could come with
So we followed you home

I hadn’t been up there before
But it’s all burned in my brain
The door opened
Clothes thrown across the floor
Two beds, one for you the other for your brother
A shelf packed with stuff
A TV sitting on a stand
The dresser in the closet and another under a window

Karol and I sat on your bed as you cleaned the room
You brought up the cookies and apples
Set them on the dresser
You handed me two rings
Just too small for my fingers
I still have them, somewhere
They sit in a box alone
I wish I could put these memories with them

When the room was clean
Karol left to go sleep in the van
Leaving us alone
We moved the furniture
The beds rotated to a new wall
The dresser sat between them
The TV and shelf sat in an alcove
They fit so perfect you would think it was made for them
Then we laid on your bed
We put on American Dad on Hulu
The one where Stan had to put his kid’s best friend in the witness protection program
And we laid there for hours
Eating this bag of animal crackers that you brought up for us all to eat
You held me as my back fit in against your chest
I felt your cheek against mine
I turned to look at you
And we kissed like nothing else mattered
Then we sat there like nothing happened
But of course it had

I remember your tongue
Wrestling it’s way into my mouth
Our glasses clanking together as lip met lip
We shed them and we laid there together
eating the cookies
But now you’re gone
And I can’t eat them without thinking of you

“I desire to gain wisdom.” said the acolyte to the Priest.
“There are many paths to wisdom, Karol, imitation is the least.”
“In imitating someone who you perceive to be wise,
A false sophistication you display before men’s eyes.”
“Experience is the hardest path , contemplation is the best.
Read widely and love deeply, Karol, and be ready for the test.”
“In suffering there is wisdom gained for those who are devout.
The stony path to Golgotha we cannot do without.”
“Consider the fate of common grapes ripening on the vine.
Some may become raisins in the withering sunshine.
Others will be squeezed for juice or fermented into wine.
The rest will be distilled and become brandy in due time.”
“Each you see is useful, transformed by the Vintners art.”
“Our lives are not our own but each must play his part.”
Father Figlewicz began the mass with Karol as his server.
They were the only souls that day that came to the Cathedral.
Outside, the Stukas bombed Krakow, the City would not stand.
Evil, like a darkening cloud, spread out across the land.
For many years Poles were enslaved, trapped in Dictator’s hands,
But Karol Wojtyla was a most uncommon man.
He would not forget his people, he would work and never cease
Until the day the Soviet fell and Poland was released.

How about that Polish guy:
Karol Jozef Wojtyla!
AKA Pope John Paul II,
Previously, a Cardinal,
The Archbishop of Krakow . . .
A tough cookie; in 1941
His mother, father, and brother
All died, leaving him the family's
Sole survivor.
Worked in a quarry,
Later a chemical factory,
Enrolled at a university,
Closed by the Nazis during WWII.
Ordained as a priest in 1946.
Holding 2 doctorates, Professor of
Moral Theology & Social ethics;
A powerful preacher,
A great intellect with vast charisma,
Working as a Catholic priest in
Communist Eastern Europe,
He was often asked
If he feared retribution from
Communist leaders? He replied:
“I’m not afraid of them.
They are afraid of me.”

Sounds like a scary guy?
Pope John Paul II,
The name he chose--
Tipping his yarmulke
To Lennon & McCartney,
For “Hey Jude,” no doubt,
Patron Saint of lost causes &
Desperate cases--
History’s most well traveled pope,
With that signature bit,
Coming off trans-oceanic airplanes,
Cutely kissing the ground.
First non-Italian Pope
Since the 16th century.
A strong stoneworker’s body, &
Knowledge of chemistry,
When Pope John Paul I--
Another Beatles fan—died in 1978,
After only a 34-day reign,
Few suspected Wojtyla.
White smoke (fumata bianca)
Announcing a new pope,
Chosen on the 7th round of balloting,
The first-ever Slavic pope,
The youngest pope in 132 years,
Yet conservative, a Papacy marked by
Firm, unwavering opposition to
Communism & war,
Abortion & contraception,
Capital punishment, & homosexual ***,
Coming out later against
Euthanasia.
Human cloning, &
Stem-cell research.
But, hey, you had to love him.
Took a bullet, famously in St. Peter’s Square,
By would-be assassin &
Double ***-*******,
Turkish political extremist named
Mehmet Ali Acqa,
A Muslim, later a Catholic-convert,
An early skirmish in 21st Century
Anti-Islamic Crusades.

Our Polish Pope John Paul II,
Died, succeeded in 2005 by
Our German Pope, Herr Ratzinger,
Calling himself Benedict XVI,
After The King of Pop,
Michael Jackson’s favorite rat,
Benny began the beguine—
Beatifying John Paul II,
During his first year on the job.
Later, acting as if
The Papacy was actually, just a job,
Does the unheard of:  RESIGNS,
Rather than die in office.
Rather like Nixon,
*N'est–ce pas?

This will be my last poem about him
But just in case he reads it,
I have a few final things to say
1) *******. You hurt many people, not just those you dated
2) *******. You tried to get us all to cut out Karol
3) *******. You pinned all the problems you caused on Karol
4) I know that I’ve been talking about you a lot. I know that was a weird thing for me to do (you know what I’m talking about.) but it was to get my final thoughts of you out
5) *******. You cheated on me the first weekend we were together. I was told at my grandmother’s house. These were the texts “we didn't see anything. but we're 86-94% sure that J and L were ******* each other's **** last night. and we're 98% sure that they were making out last night.”
6) *******. Why did you cut me out after the breakup? I know why, but I why couldn’t we just go back to being friends? We had been friends for a short time before, and we only did date for a “not that long” (according to your new girl)
7) *******. You dump me, then go after my friend? Then you expect me to just be happy for you? How delusional were you?
8) *******. You broke up with me over Snapchat. Not even a phone call, or hell even a real text. I could’ve moved on earlier, easier, if you had the ***** to talk to me in person, rather than hide behind a screen.
9) *******
You texted me today. You said that I need to chill out, that you’re moving away. Like I didn’t know that you were leaving. I’ll be happy when you leave. August can’t come soon enough. Soon to be a life without you.
So yeah. ******* *******

You were wondering yesterday
What am I talking about?
Karol told me
Rewind to Thursday

I sent her a text
Asking to set me up
She didn’t know who
Instead she said
“Four guys I’m with
They all want to smash you.”
“Who”
She wouldn’t tell me

I was stupid
I trusted the one you should never trust
Damon
We talked
Asked about the other
Who they would ****
My top 5 flew out of my fingers

Friday
I wear her down
I get the list
You’re on it
Also on mine

Once again
I was stupid
“Damon”
“”Accidentally“ mention to Jake
He’s on my list

As far as I know, he did

The Weekend
I was expecting a call
A snap
A text
Asking about the lists
Nothing

Monday
We hung out
Nothing

Tuesday
I sent you the question
“Are we just going to ignore it
Or are we going to use the weirdest solution
To the weirdest problem?
You didn’t know what I was talking about
My chest seized
I couldn’t bring myself to explain

So, I’ll  explain now
I have a crush on you
I don’t know if you were high
Or if Karol’s list was true
But if you do
I want you
You know how to contact me
Think
Let me know
Three months isn’t a lot
But it’s enough for me

I never understood until now
What it was like to be with someone
Everyone would ask me advice
I’d tell them
I have the outsider’s perspective on relationships
I give them advice anyways
Then they ask how I never had a partner
I say a quote
“I guide others to a treasure I cannot possess.”
I had it though
However messed up he was
He was still my first

Even he asked me
How have you never been in a relationship
You are too **** cute
You are too **** ****
You are too **** everything for you to be single
I told him people only see me as a nerd
People don’t see me as me
He said he saw me
Then he broke up with me
He became a surface watcher
Only seeing me as a nerd

I never understood until now
What it’s like to be broken up with
To have your heart shattered
To have your ex best friend
Become his new “*** toy”
She told me everything
Every reason not to be with him
She told me that she was happy
That she didn’t want to leave a man who loved her
He was head over heels in love with her
She eviscerated him
Now he’s a shell of his former self

I never understood until now
The pain of your friend betraying you
As she betrayed me

Now my Ex-Boyfriend,
I will reveal his name
It is *****, ****, ******* ,
Dates my Ex-Best Friend,
I’ll reveal her’s as well
It is *****,
My ex boyfriend is now dating
His ex boyfriend’s ex friend
My ex boyfriend is now dating
His ex friend’s ex girlfriend
They broke up a group to be together
They broke up the group
Something ******* tried to pin in Karol

We enforced a single rule
No dating friends
We enforced it for the wrong person
We now see
***** is trying to **** all his friends
One by one destroying bonds
One by one cutting them out
One by one treating them like dirt

In the past 30 days
He has broken up with four people
All of them got cut out
Two crawled their way back
One because he had the ****
The other because she confronted him
Two are still cut out

I gave ***** a reputation
I told Elizabeth about all of this
She spread it like fire through a field

I never understood until now
How good it felt to be this petty
Only to those who deserve it

***** says I spread lies
Rumors about her cheating
I never did
I told people the truth
I told them how ******* broke up with me
Two days later ***** broke up with Damon
Three days later
I get a text
Do you mind if we start dating?

He said he rushed into things with me
A week had passed between Anthony
And when I confessed how I felt
Another two days of decision
Then he said he rushed into things
We had been broken up for four days
Then they started dating
That sounds like rushing to me

Everyone agrees they’re gross
I was on the bus
Describing the situation to a friend
A random person
Stands and completely sympathetic says
“Your ex boyfriend sounds like a real *******
You should cut him out”
Total strangers understand
But not you

Hope you enjoy your
STD infected
**
*******
Cheating
Boy toy
Just make sure that his condoms didn’t expire
Like the one he threw at me had

Hope you enjoy your
Evil
Rude
*****
*****
*** toy
Just make sure she doesn’t get bored
Like she did with everyone else

I never understood until now
What it was like to be used
He used me as a ******,
As if he used any,
Waiting for me to give him what he wanted
Then tossing me aside

I never understood until now
The pain that some people endure

I never understood until now
What it was like to be with someone
Everyone would ask me advice
I’d tell them
I have the outsider’s perspective on relationships
I give them advice anyways
Then they ask how I never had a partner
I say a quote
“I guide others to a treasure I cannot possess.”
I had it though
However messed up he was
He was still my first

Even he asked me
How have you never been in a relationship
You are too **** cute
You are too **** ****
You are too **** everything for you to be single
I told him people only see me as a nerd
People don’t see me as me
He said he saw me
Then he broke up with me
He became a surface watcher
Only seeing me as a nerd

I never understood until now
What it’s like to be broken up with
To have your heart shattered
To have your ex best friend
Become his new “*** toy”
She told me everything
Every reason not to be with him
She told me that she was happy
That she didn’t want to leave a man who loved her
He was head over heels in love with her
She eviscerated him
Now he’s a shell of his former self

I never understood until now
The pain of your friend betraying you
As she betrayed me

Now my Ex-Boyfriend,
I will reveal his name
It was Jaben
But now,
It is *****, ****, ******* ,
Dates my Ex-Best Friend,
I’ll reveal her’s as well
It was Anna
It is now *****,
My ex boyfriend is now dating
His ex boyfriend’s ex friend
My ex boyfriend is now dating
His ex friend’s ex girlfriend
They broke up a group to be together
They broke up the group
Something Jaben tried to pin in Karol

We enforced a single rule
No dating friends
We enforced it for the wrong person
We now see
Jaben is trying to **** all his friends
One by one destroying bonds
One by one cutting them out
One by one treating them like dirt

In the past 30 days
He has broken up with four people
All of them got cut out
Two crawled their way back
One because he had the ****
The other because she confronted him
Two are still cut out

I gave Anna a reputation
I told Elizabeth about all of this
She spread it like fire through a field

I never understood until now
How good it felt to be this petty
Only to those who deserve it

Anna says I spread lies
Rumors about her cheating
I never did
I told people the truth
I told them how Jaben broke up with me
Two days later Anna broke up with Damon
Three days later
I get a text
Do you mind if we start dating?

He said he rushed into things with me
A week had passed between Anthony
And when I confessed how I felt
Another two days of decision
Then he said he rushed into things
We had been broken up for four days
Then they started dating
That sounds like rushing to me

Everyone agrees they’re gross
I was on the bus
Describing the situation to a friend
A random person
Stands and completely sympathetic says
“Your ex boyfriend sounds like a real *******
You should cut him out”
Total strangers understand
But not you

Hope you enjoy your
STD infected
**
*******
Cheating
Boy toy
Just make sure that his condoms didn’t expire
Like the one he threw at me had

Hope you enjoy your
Evil
Rude
*****
*****
*** toy
Just make sure she doesn’t get bored
Like she did with everyone else

I never understood until now
What it was like to be used
He used me as a ******,
As if he used any,
Waiting for me to give him what he wanted
Then tossing me aside

I never understood until now
The pain that some people endure