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Mateuš Conrad Oct 2022
drama for queens

teenage boy is no
teenage girls' dream.   (502 bad gateway hack mobility, scooter)

i never know how the story goes, esp. this story: dentes qua stellae or whether it's stellae qua dentes i.e. teeth as being stars, or stars as being teeth... so much for the "son of man's" suffering upon the cross, there were plenty more horrible ways to die, i know for certain that "my" fellow countrymen in the late middle-ages preferred to impale culprit Ukrainians... they'd grease them up and impale them on a "1" / an "I"ota... so much concern for the suffering of the "son"... i'm pretty sure Zeus had "one too many"... but never in "question" is the suffering of the father... all those stars juxtaposed, into geometries and not geometries, if not an ideal sq. then most certainly a triangle, no circles in constellations... but it's abstract in a way that would be fiddly on paper... gods bend the rules for what's already here while men try to make sense of said bending of rules, men and gods meet halfway, there's a common language to be shared by both creatures... whoever was the dentist-sadist that was... i'm pretty sure my "father" endured more suffering than simply dangling from a cross... i see him now... like a worm from the planet Dune.... whirling in a gravitating darkness... himself the darkness and the gravitational pull of it... for each star upon the nightly heavens is his tooth... pulled out from his mouth... sure... a pretty grin... at first... a dissolving all blindening of light... but now? all his teeth have been pulled out and scattered in his mouth agape that's this vacuum of: no chew and no bite... how hungry he sits... unable to: nonetheless willing to sieve through every other living creature having its fill... long will it be before his teeth implode into "nothing" and are returned to his mouth... i'm guessing i should dream more often, only recently i encountered a dream from one of my ex-girlfriends, a Russian girl... she actually painted a picture of the dream... i was standing facing the third eye of her dream-architect backwards... a bit like Judas in one of those paintings of the Last Supper... i was holding a sword in my hand while she was kneeling and had her arms outstretched insinuating mercy... a kneeling woman in the form of a crucifix... but that was over 10 years ago... i found my shashka wooden sword over a year ago long before the Russia-Ukraine conflict started... i just stashed it waiting for the right moment to hang it on my wall... funny... i guess that's what happens when one doesn't dream... one create a reality from the dreams of others.... this interpretation of a dream of hers? i have, in a way, turned my back towards the west... in the grandiosity of dream-language i am standing over a kneeling Russia and refraining from using my sword... it makes sense that i dream of nothing... i just remember her giving me this picture she sketched... it looks like her dream came into fruition... but me standing with my face hidden... hell... i never liked the idea of the Russian being the scapegoat of the whole of humanity, this evil genius boogey-man... to isolate the Russians is like... a recipe for a perfect disaster... i was never inclined to make an Anglophone fetish for America... and i never will... the east is calling me... "my" people would rather wage war against each other than succumb to Western decadence... but at the same time i can't the Russian claim for defending Christianity: Christianity is indefensible to me with the emerge of the Naag Hammadi Library that coincides: almost precisely with the Matthias ben Josephus' account of the times, about an Egyptian False Prophet who attempted to sack Jerusalem, failed and fled back into the Egyptian desert... just by "coincidence" the Dead Sea Scrolls were found, the atom bomb exploded twice and was subsequently tested... too many ******* coincidences if you ask me... i don't feel or subsequently think i have any impetus for either western or eastern culture... i'm a no-culture culture... i'm sure i'll figure something out as i age (god permitting), for the time being i'm just hyper-focused on a second schism in Islam, spearheaded by the Turks... perhaps i'm mad... perhaps... but even the psychiatrists i met with discharged me as being free-thinking untamed... sure... they tried to medicate me, they did, i put on a lot of weight... then i stopped taking the "medication" and got my libido back, lost weight, cycled to Epping and elsewhere walked a marathon to St. Paul's and back... blah blah... am i mad or is it just that everyone is too ******* sane for anyone's willingness to enjoy life with a thrill?!

mmm hmm... traffic is bad on the internet,
someone explained it to me,
this 502 bad gateway phenomenon
i listed and heard the explanation like someone
might hear an echo... it sort of vibrates
a silence that has a second laugh when told:
you'll die...

that women are better at language than men
that men were supposedly better at science
and mathematics than women...
sure... i too am seeing seismic rearrangements
taking place...
given the change in industry...

i'm still serious about going into primary school
teaching...
when the scrutiny of my teaching ability
is out of the room and i'm well established
into my role... i'll teach them...
those gremlins... ha! you'll hear that the Europeans
arrived at the current numbers
from the Hindus and the Arabs from the Hindus
and we poor poor, pauper thinking northerners
were enlightened by the sands of squiggly
lines of ink!

ha ha! like **** we were...
the Ancient Romans used letters as both letters
and numbers! IV... what? not 4?
what's 4? i look at G and see a mirror and a
clockwise turning...
i see an 8 i see a B...
i see a 9 i see... a P...
                        iota for everyone eleven 11...
2 for a Z... S for every 5...
                        3 for every E...
7 for every L...
                               6 for every Bb...
0 for every Oh Oh Oh!

                 fake news... self-taught truths and the the world
can go to hell with the usurpers of my arrived at
figuring out how: to send a postcard from
a defunct Third *****... just a stamp will do...

much a bigger whirlwind than with the advent
of the 20th century... bigger?
well... the 20th century was the whirlwind,
the hurricane... the 21st century?
ha ha! it's going to be a butterfly!
you know about the butterfly effect...
the 21st century is going to be just that...
the horrible has already happened!
i'm just here to invigorate a metaphor of what could
have happened...

sure... white girls are staging a "coup d'état" of ***...
black guys... hell... i too find them handsome...
trouble is... i can't go down that little "Nile" of hers
to the equator for equal parallel...
i went east... to the lands of Gypsies and vampires
and Mongols and Orcs...
sorry girl... we were always disparaging creatures...

ofiaruje mojej dziewczinie... szlafrok w którym utonie...
przy świecach i koniaku...
po pas po szyje... piegi i policzki blade...
tak, tylko ona, jad jedwab...
ofiaruje... Hollandi morskie owoce...
dziwne przyprawy...
farbowane rzesy...

                      ofiaruje mojej dziewczynie:
rodzinki, krewetki, mandarinki!

i will offer my girl... a bathrobe in which she we drown,
before candles and cognac,
unto the waist unto the neck... freckles and pale cheeks...
yes, only her, like silk...
i will offer... Holland's sea-fruits...
strange spices...
dyed eyebrows...

i will offer my girl:
raisins, prawns, mandarins...

i lost myself in conversations...
only 2 weeks ago i watched two brown eagles
fight over a meal just above me
while i was doing something in the garden...
but lately... ever since doing shifts....

two brown eagles fighting over a meal
just above my garden... huh...
i was familiar with Parakeets lingering
at Bishops' Park Fulham...
i... today... not even today...
what the **** are three flocks of
Parakeets doing flying across my horizon
and garden included...
if i asked for Messerschmitts i'd ask for a cláwd (cloud)
of crows or a flock of woodland pigeons...
i would be asking for ******* parakeets!

the former is a Welsh take on things...
but i don't want to beat my own drum...
obviously the Scots are dreaming "big" in terms of
what's united and what's disunited...
we're living in funny times...
i'm starting to think the sclera in my eyes is
turning yellow from all the whiskey i'm drinking:
mind you: there are worse ways to die...
from drinking excessively and writing
originally...

as you age you realise: there's no Romeo in you:
but there was...
i know i had a Romeo in me...
then the splintering happens...
as you age you realise you need to learn juggling...
it's not exactly juggling if there's only one
women in your life...
you need at least 6... whether you **** them or
not is not part of the "plan"...
me? 5 i ****... and the rest?
i don't count... i'm more an anti-dyslexic
sort of guy rather than an arithmetic sort of guy...
i like: a, CLA-RI-TY OF SPE-LLING...

just today... i met up with Frankie...
a work colleague...
we tried talking for about 20 minutes not being
in uniform of either shirt and black tie
or black t-shirt and all things black...
i did stretch it that far along...
but it was ******* difficult...
we're already in our lanes...
we know our mistakes and we know
the sort of people we can replicate these mistakes
with... ergo: we pursue the sort of people
we can make the same mistakes with...
even though: as a man?
i can't exactly become pregnant either the first
or second time, actually: never...
prostitutes wouldn't make that sort of
mistake of trying to get alimony from
a pundit...

         ergo? before feminism... i was telling
these two girls are work...
my grandfather mentioned that back in the day...
in a little nation known as Poland...
the sort of cousin of the rebirth of Israel...
there was this "thing" known as: Bachelors' Tax...
oh yeah... Bachelors used to pay a tax
on them remaining single,
it was called a BASIORY...

and i would be paying that sort of tax for...
exactly what? tax freebies of western single mothers?!
me?! getting a council house / flat?!
as a man?
**** me... i'll need to grow a womb and pop
a hungry brat out for myself to use as TOOL...
oh i'm not bitter...
sure... i live with my parents...
but i take care of them...
plus i drink to excess and write to excess
when they're asleep:
it's an unhealthy healthy relationship...
i do most of the cleaning and the cooking...
i dreamed of one day following the Biblical quip
of breaking away...
but then i saw what that entailed...

you marry a woman: you break away from your mother
and father... you abandon them...
you marry a woman... and?
you get a ******* mother and father in-law...
GREAT! ******* all ten (are) thumbs up!
that's just ******* brilliant! sign me up!
no...
         if that is the fate of man...
i'm in no way part of being a man...
i want to be an aman...
                                i was so close to bagging this
deal... the overtly friendly in-laws...
the woman... well... in the biological: mammalian
sense... she wouldn't... do the mantis ****
during *******...
she would just **** you years later...
replacing your mother and father with her father
and mother...

i ******* ran as quickly as my mind allowed
and my legs couldn't provide when she first
performed oral *** on me...
the words: what would father think...
what?!                       is that supposed to be:
a ******* "turn-on"?
  what you dada-tink?!
                                                    y­ou what?!
you just told me what i would "think" if
you'd think what it would be like
for you giving you actual father oral ***...
basically... un-basically basically:
well: ma'am used to the be spy "code word"...
in a queer world... qua is the new ma'am...

i purged my former ****** experiences
within the puritanical uninhibited experiences with
prostitutes...
i came out? rather unscathed...
i accustomed myself to sitting across at least
5... all of which i ******...
sort of glittering with an aura of:
dentes qua stellae!

that teeth could become stars...
each time i see a migrating star
i conjure up the passion of one of my own
being uprooted from my jaw and
bone licking, straight out of Belgium's
flat-land-demand!
to hell with these chocalatiers!
it's Belgium: currently the heartland of Europe...
otherwise a non-country...
certainly nothing geographically worth minding!
it is! it isn't!
who gives a **** or a white shirt's worth of minding!

of all the philosophy books...
so few write about ***...
   actually: none do... Platonic love my ***...
which ought to have been written by a homosexual...
but then there's that extreme with Marquis de Sade...
i'd rather write about ***
than actually utter a single word during *******...
i refrain: yet still they come
cackling with: ooh... you're tiny... jokingly...
actual *** is so much more interesting
than what ******* has to offer...
******* is acting! *** is anti-acting...
it's the one view of what
upstaging the Thespian Tyranny can ever look like!
the only way to attack the Thespian Tyranny
is to attack the asexual pornographic actors!
they're ******* actors! literally!
they're ******* ******* actors!
they "enjoy" *** on the basis of PRETEND...
me? i love *******...
i'm already gearing up for Thursday...
i'm doing two days of bashing the bishop
without ****** to get the blood flowing...
i need to starve and excite myself
at least 2 days prior to *******...
my ***** are tingling and so is my *******
while i write this...

i need to perform! if i don't perform
i won't be smoking that hash Frankie gave me
after ***...
oh... i'm not young and stupid (again) enough
to smoke and write something...
i'm going to go straight to bed
and have my head massaged by a H. P. Lovecraft's
octopus horror godhead...
because i **** Gypsy girls...
Gypsy or Turkish? whichever...
   as much as i'd love a blonde... hell...
  if you don't have what you like...
might as well like what you have...

                           i'm currently surprising myself
with what i just sent my coworker
in a private message.
Victor Marques Dec 2009
Que grande a geração, a de Camões,
Saia de Belém, num pranto oral...
Dizia adeus a grandes multidões!
Olhava o horizonte pequeno Portugal

Traçado o rumo do futuro,
Passado o mar forte e indeciso,
Pegava no leme, firme e duro,
Sem dor, frio ou bramido.

As ninfas, rodeavam o leme,
O Sol, queimava a proa do navio,
O capitão nada teme
Naquele mar, escuro e bravio...

Victor Marques e Atavio Nelson


Chegamos a outros pontos,
Do globo esférico, sem saber!
Que hoje são contos,
Que ainda temos de ler.

Desde Ourique, Calado e Cala trava
Com turbantes brancos reluzentes
Os portugueses lutaram com palavra
Com alegria mostravam seus dentes.

Correram os desertos, tão estéreis
Na defesa de um Santo Universal
Pela cruz combateram infiéis
Dentro e fora de Portugal.

Oh.Isabel que suaves eram tuas flores!
Que rosas encarnadas pueris
Que as músicas sejam cantadas para seus amores
Prendes-te por milagre o teu Diniz.

OH Coimbra.que tiranas do fadário
Oh Sé velha, cheia de segredos
Que encantos lá havia do Hilário
Ainda hoje escritos nos penedos...

Santa Clara, no alto...que te vê clarissa
Jovem, esbelta coimbrã!
Foste, cedo freira e noviça.
Salva-me deste fado, minha irmã!


Olá Marquez, és do Pombal
Traidor, usurpador, ladrão.
NO ódio foste genial.
E TUDO, tudo metia no gibão.
Malandro, enganas-te o teu Rei
Iludiste-o, meu falso...e mandas-te
O Távora, inocente para o cadafalso

Maldito sejas!
Isso não foi Portugal...mas foi
No norte, que uma mulher
Forte, com seios apertados
E espada no dentes bem cerrados
Em serpente e com sua gente
Em zip filas genial
Firme.destinada
Deu a vida mas
Acabou com o Cabral

Sim ali, no monte
Naquele lugar Maria da Fonte

Só com gente destemida, como eu !
Tal como o Lusitano no Gerez
Esta pátria com um plebeu
Concebeu o Tavares com um grande
PORTUGUÊS


Victor Marques
Julia Jaros Nov 2016
Quando acordou,
o pedaço de clavícula ainda estava lá.
Esta crônica é resultado de uma conversa que eu teria com o velho companheiro de lutas Chico da Cátia. Era um companheiro de toda hora, sempre pronto a dar ajuda a quem quer que fosse. Sua viúva, a Cátia, é professora da rede pública estadual do Rio de Janeiro e ele adquiriu esse apelido devido a sua obediência a ela, pois sempre que estávamos numa reunião ou assembleia ou evento, qualquer coisa e ela dissesse "vamos embora!", o Chico obedecia, e, ao se despedir dizia: com mulher, não se discute. Apertava a mão dos amigos e partia.

Hoje, terceiro domingo do janeiro de 2015, estou cercado. Literalmente cercado. Cercado sim e cercado sem nenhum soldado armado até aos dentes tomando conta de mim. Não há sequer um helicoptero das forças armadas americanas sobrevoando o meu prédio equipado com mísseis terra-ar para exterminar-me ao menor movimento, como está acontecendo agorinha em algum lugar do oriente asiático. Estou dentro de um apartamento super ventilado, localizado próximo a uma área de reserva da mata atlântica, local extremamente confortável, mas cercado de calor por todos os lados, e devido ao precário abastecimento de água na região, sequer posso ficar tomando um banhozinho de hora em hora, pois a minha caixa d'água está pela metade. Hoje, estou tão cercado que sequer posso sair cidade a fora, batendo pernas, ou melhor, chinelos, pegar ônibus ou metrô ou BRTs e ir lá na casa daquele velho companheiro de lutas Chico da Cátia, no Morro do Falet, em Santa Tereza, para pormos as ideias em dia. É que a mulher saiu, foi para a casa da maezinha dela e como eu tinha dentista ontem, não fui também e estou em casa, cercado também pelo necessário repouso orientado pelo médico, que receitou-me cuidados com o calor devido ao dente estar aberto.

Mas, firulas à parte, lembro-me de uma conversa que tive com o Chico após a eleição do Tancredo pelo colégio eleitoral, que golpeou as DIRETAS JÁ, propostas pelo povo, na qual buscávamos entender os interesses por detrás disso, uma vez que as eleições diretas não representavam nenhuma ameaça ao Poder Burguês no Brasil, aos interesses do capital, e até pelo contrário, daria uma fachada "democrática ao país" Nessa conversa, eu e o Chico procuramos esmiuçar os segmentos da burguesia dominante no Brasil, ao contrário do conceito de "burguesia brasileira" proposto pela sociologia dos FHCs da vida. Chegamos à conclusão de que ela também se divide, tem contradições internas e nos seus embates, o setor hegemônico do capital é quem predominar. Nesse quesito nos detivemos um bom tempo debatendo, destrinçando os comportamento orgânicos do capital, e concluímos que o liberalismo, fantasiado de neo ou não, é liberal até o momento em que seus interesses são atingidos, muitas vezes por setores da própria burguesia; nesses momentos, o setor dominante, hegemônico, lança mão do que estiver ao seu alcance, seja o aparelho legislativo, o judiciário e, na falta do executivo, serve qualquer instrumento de força, como eliminação física dos seus opositores, golpe de mídia ou golpe de estado, muitas vezes por dentro dos próprios setores em disputa, como se comprovou com a morte de Tancredo Neves, de Ulisses Guimarães e de uma série de próceres da burguesia, mortos logo a seguir.

Porém, como disse, hoje estou cercado. Cercado por todos os lados, cercado até politicamente, pois os instrumentos democratizantes do meu país estão dominados pelos instrumentos fascistizantes da sociedade. É que a burguesia tem táticas bastante sutis de penetração, de corrosão do poder de seus adversários e atua de modo tão venal que é quase impossível comprovar as suas ações. Ninguém vai querer concordar comigo em que os setores corruptos da esquerda sejam "arapongas" da direita; que os "ratos" que enchem o país de ONGs, só pra sugar verbas públicas com pseudo-projetos sociais, sejam "arapongas" da direita; que os ratazanas que usam a CUT, o MST, o Movimento por Moradia, e controlam os organismos de políticas sociais do país sejam "arapongas" da direita; que os LULAS, lulista e cia, o PT, a Dilma etc, sejam a própria direita; pois do contrário, como se explica a repressão aos movimentos sociais, como se explica a criminalização das ações populares em manifestações pelo país a fora? Só vejo uma única resposta: Está fora do controle "DELLES!"

Portanto, como disse, estou cercado. Hoje, num domingo extremamente quente, com parco provimento de água, não posso mais, sequer, ir à casa do meu amigo Chico da Cátia. Ela, já está com a idade avançada, a paciência esgotada de tanto lutar por democracia, não aguenta mais sair e participar dos movimentos sociais, e eu sou obrigado a ficar no meu canto, idoso e só, pois o Chico já está "na melhor!"; não disponho mais dele para exercitar a acuidade ideológica e não me permitir ser um "maria vai com as outras" social, um alienado no meio da *****, um zé-niguém na multidão, o " boi do Raul Seixas": "Vocês que fazem parte dessa *****, que passa nos projetos do futuro..."  Por exemplo, queria conversar com ele sobre esse "CASO CHARLIE HEBDO", lá da França, em que morreu um monte de gente graças a uma charge. Mas ele objetaria; "Uma charge?!" É verdade. Não foi a charge que matou um monte de gente, não foi o jornal que matou um monte de gente, não foram os humoristas que mataram um monte de gente. Assim como na morte de Tancredo Neves e tantos membros da própria burguesia no Brasil, quem matou um monte de gente é o instrumento fascistizante da sociedade mundial, ou seja, a disputa orgânica do capital, a concorrência entre o capital ocidental e o capital oriental, que promove o racismo e vende armas, que promove a intolerância religiosa e vende armas, que promove as organizações terroristas em todo o mundo e vende armas; que vilipendia as liberdades humanas intrínsecas, pisoteia a dignidade mais elementar, como o direito à crença, como o respeito etnico, a liberdade de escolhas, as opções sexuais, e o que é pior, chama isso de LIBERDADE e comete crimes hediondos em nome da Liberdade de Imprensa, da Liberdade de Expressão,  a ponto de a ministra da justiça francesa, uma mulher, uma negra, alguém que merece respeito, ser comparada com uma macaca, e ninguém falar nada. Com toda certeza do mundo, eu e o Chico jamais seremos CHARLIE....  

Lugar cativo
Onde me deito cativante
E abro a gargante e choro.
Nao darei mais o Tempo
Nem reconciliarei menos o perdao.
Somos os dias contados pelos dedos
E quanto menos tenho menos quero ter.
Frio com febre estou
Doente dos ossos, raspando-os
Ate ao po se extinguirem
e absorvo-os pela narina mais próxima
Directo ao cérebro que me permiti vender
Indirecto ao coração que morto 'e aos poucos.
Faca de dois gumes afiada na pedra
E enrolada no peito cada dia mais,
Milimetro a Milimetro
Para que a dor seja minuciosamente
Mental.
Fatal.
E da paisagem verdejante
Onde passeio as pernas pesadas
Do chumbo das balas perdidas,
Com que te matei,
Absorvo o bicho por entre o jardim
E a natureza para mim nao 'e mais
Que o conteúdo do bolo que cozinhei
Para esquecê-lo.
Cativo ligar
Que permaneço cativa
Húmido que me constipa os dentes
Como a agua gelada com que tomo banho
E nem assim acordo.
Não sei se esta Dor caberá
nas milhares de palavras que defecarei
Ate este dia tardar
E a minha vida por fim, acabar.
Não 'e de minha dor que escrevo,
'e a tua que me percorre este sangue anémico.
Consideras-te feliz que nem um porco
Que na lama chafurda a couraça.
E eu com esta dor de costas do peso
De trazer o Mundo nos bolsos
E por cada morte que deus padece
Um sopro no coração me oferece.
Dor, dor, dor, dor, dor, dor
Qual Jesus Cristo, o redentor.
VS Sep 2014
Tuas parcas impressões não me comovem
Irrito-me a cada interrupção gentil que tu fazes e
Devoro a mim mesmo em lúgubre fome,
A lamentar o que de bom poderia ter feito
Se e se

Mas

Às três da tarde
Apodreço numa cadeira áspera
Quase tão fétido quanto a fruta do vômito
Passada do ponto de colheita

Às cinco da tarde
Eu já sou molho estragado
Setenta por cento aglomerado literal de leucócitos degenerados
Pus integral

Ao cair do sol,
Sou um alface hidropônico
Pronto para ser vendido, lavado e comido por ti
Interruptor imbecil.

Voltar-me-ei ao mar
Ao esgoto
Num estado de paz surda

A solidão é um inspirar sufocado
Sufoca
Oxida as ideias
É tortura comodamente induzida

Se hoje fervilho, é sorte
Pura boa-aventurança;
Pois do profundo cócito
Fui e voltei

E cá estou
Inteiro
Longe dos dentes de Deus.
andreia nunes Feb 2013
na primeira noite eram estranhas.
disformes, distantes, extremamente presentes na sua tão triste ausência.
doeram-me todas as entranhas do corpo. pela memória e pelo presente.
agora, volvidos 3 dias volto a olhá-las.
já consigo olhá-las, auxiliá-las e já não me estão distantes.
agora são companheiras de luta.
algumas lutas mais leais que outras bem se sabe, mas ainda assim resistentes no seu silêncio.
o cheiro já me acolhe e todos os muitos sons que me circundam,
conseguem agora embalar-me e levar-me num sono tranquilo.
estou perto dos 28.
já não sou miúda, agora sei-o e mais sério, sinto-o.
ainda não sei que mulher sou, e como vou crescer a partir daqui.
há vários ajustes, estou muito irrequieta com o que vou fazer.
penso demasiado na pessoa que quero construir a partir daqui. é como se tivesse acabado de nascer mas já a saber falar, andar e pensar
- oh, penso tanto…
tenho de me permitir aprender e cair, chorar aos primeiros dentes.
mas a miúda deixa-me orgulhosa. gostei de ti andreia pequena, feliz, divertida e curiosa.
gostei da tua coragem e da tua força. até do teu nariz empertigado.
choro ao teu enterro, comovida pelo orgulho que te sinto e pelas saudades que me vais trazer.
a tua inocência guarda-la-ei como o meu mais precioso tesouro, e a ela recorrerei quando me vacilar a certeza.
crescer é de uma dureza atroz. o passado vejo-o enevoado, lamacento de muito difícil definição.
no entanto o futuro é um abismo.
dá-me vertigens querer espreitá-lo. mesmo quando coloco apenas os olhos, como se me escondesse dele mesmo. de mim mesma, dessa andreia que serei. como se não quisesse que ela me apanhasse a espiá-la a ver-lhe os movimentos, para que os usasse ou os julgasse de ante mão.
aqui estou, numa cama de hospital. viva e livre de qualquer mal. (mal maior pelo menos). e esta andreia do presente, esta nova-mulher, tem muito medo.
muito medo de falhar, muito medo de não ser tão feliz quanto a miúda foi.
Na sombra uma mulher jaz morta, despida e dependurada pelo tornozelo, seus braços esticados portam dedos inchados de sangue coagulado, enquanto seus anéis apertam estreitos entre suas falanges, e as pontas de suas unhas quase tocam o chão. Posso ainda escutar seus gritos atormentados ecoar ao longe, posso ainda ver seus olhos escancarados diante uma plateia que saboreia sua tortura, posso ainda ver seu corpo obeso se debater em fobia e desespero numa tentativa ridícula e frustrada de escapar. Imóvel, resta apenas uma ***** enorme de banha e tetas caídas, algo em mim se compadece por esta criatura patética, algo não consegue segurar as gargalhadas. É apenas um corpo, nada demais. Se estrebuchou de forma caricata e cômica, desengonçada, amarrada de ponta-cabeça, toda espalhafatosa, desajeitada, seu desespero é hilário, acho que é a coisa mais patética, mais desprezível, mais insignificante, mais burlesca, mais tosca, que imaginei. Apenas um corpo escroto que em breve será engolido pelos vermes do vazio, sem nunca ter representado qualquer coisa além de uma involuntária comédia . Apenas um corpo. Já não sofre, nem se deleita, há somente um caminho incerto pelo qual percorro, e que ela já conhece a chegada.

Estarei eu ao fim dependurado pelo tornozelo? Ou quem sabe dando gargalhadas ao ver a fraqueza dos homens? Ou ainda mais, serei eu a amarrar os tornozelos da humanidade? Todos são os algozes, todos riem da desgraça que não lhes pertence, mas ao fim todos terminam dependurados pelos tornozelos.

Devo continuar caminhando. O corredor é muito escuro, devemos estar no subsolo, esse barulho nojento é perturbador... Um ninho de baratas! Saiam dos meus pés! Saiam dos meus pés! Não há como evitá-las. Elas sobem e se aninham no meu corpo, se reproduzem na minha virilha, fazem sua morada em meus orifícios. Sou tomado por baratas. Sou o homem-barata, o homem fétido, o homem-praga. Aqueles milhões de patinhas que caminham no meu corpo realizam uma massagem profana, sou tomado por um prazer proibido, me deleito com o perfume nefasto, nauseabundo, a ânsia me regurgita um animus enterrado, o horror de estar completamente desencontrado de tudo o que é convencional, a minha criança enlouqueceria ao me defrontar e saber que carrego seu destino com o pênis encoberto por uma gosma preta que se forma ao espremer as baratas que ali se encontram num movimento de masturbação decrépita. Minha mãe, ah, minha mãezinha tão simplória, tão católica, tão temente à um deus inexistente, com suas orações decoradas, com seus hinos de louvor,  seus terços pendurados na cabeceira da cama de madeira antiga e seu falar típico de quem decorou e aprendeu suas frases mais interessantes nas missas tediosas do Padre Adalberto, para mim a melhor hora da missa é a hora que ela acaba, minha mãezinha, ah minha querida mãezinha, definharia até a morte no exato instante em que me visse trepando freneticamente com baratas esmagadas no meu pau. E meu pai, sempre austero, seja lá o que se passa em sua cabeça, como uma parede pintada de bege escuro, como um corredor estreito e sem espaço nas laterais, simplesmente reto como uma tábua de madeira seca, inflexível, adepto de tradições antigas, de costas dadas não reconheceria esta figura repugnante, a se satisfazer de tão nefasto pecado, como uma prole de sua descendência.

Todos desejam esmagar o homem-barata. Mas ninguém quer limpar a gosma fedida. Deixem que as formigas carreguem essa coisa nojenta! Eles dizem. Que prazer insano é este de ser mutilado e fodido até às entranhas? De saber que não há mais volta para tamanha perdição? Isso é deixar todos os dentes da boca apodrecerem. Eis que entendo a velha! Eis que compreendo as gargalhadas de quem acaba de perder todos os dentes podres num chute violento de quem perde a paciência. Eis que pertenço onde de cá estou. Há uma beleza magnética no horror, algo que me arrasta para o interior do objeto horrendo, me distanciando sou arremessado às entranhas da podridão, como um espelho a revelar em mim mesmo aquele objeto da experiência, que em repulsa não posso parar de olhar.

O motorista tira a roupa, a velha tira a roupa, e todas essas pessoas horrorosas tiram a roupa, eu já estou nu e besuntado por essa gosma cinzenta de entranhas de baratas que exala esse odor nauseante que penetra as narinas de qualquer um que se aproxime, odor hipnótico para aqueles que compreendem o segredo. Parece que sou o mais desejável nesta câmara escura. Se aproximam de mim como animais ferozes a saltar de forma muda em direção a um pedaço de carne.
Julia Jaros Nov 2016
Patas macias acariciam a grama há muito não cortada
Enroscam-se em espinhos
Tropeçam em ninhos
Tão perto da estrada.

Seus narizes são ímãs
Indisciplinados e impulsivos
Um alarme rosado de caos
abrasivo.

Alaranjada, repousa na faxada da rua
Seca, bronzeada
Nua
Sua.

Três patas e uma planta
Nada ela sente, silenciada por dentes
Mastigada, digerida, excrementada
Por fim
Em adubo virada.
Como é escasso o sorriso
sem brilho e frio
Há alguma coisa ebulindo
uma bomba
Mas não, eles não sairão de lá
nunca explodirão
pois não existem sorrisos
bocas se movem em formatos semelhantes
sem dentes e podres
toxinas exalam-se,
o veneno é o licor divino
o paraíso é logo abaixo da ponte
não se dorme no paraíso
se ao menos conseguissem dormir...
mas os putrefatos corpos que andam parasitando
consumindo restos e ruínas
patifes e loucos bailam a vida
vida que não é vida
O perfume está no ar
as flores são tão belas
as abelhas não tem ferrões
e se tivessem não ferroariam
a jovem virgem caminha exuberante
fotografias da bela matriz
onde a arquitetura supera a fé
mas ao lado, no canto escuro
onde ninguém vê
canta o homem escuro
que a todos observa
observa e observa....
Estou sendo impelido a atravessar esta entrada, meu corpo permaneceu imóvel até este exato momento, quis correr para longe, quis me esconder, quis deixar de existir, mas esta porta está escancarada diante o meu ser despido, não posso ver absolutamente nada para além da porta, mas sei que algo me observa, meus devaneios consomem novamente meus pensamentos,  algo terrível me espera do outro lado. Assaltantes? Sequestradores? Estupradores? Maníacos? Lunáticos? Pervertidos? Psicopatas? Minha mente está se descolando da realidade, sinto meus hormônios de horror dissipando meu pensamento lógico... Estou diante o Demônio! O ônibus vai me levar ao inferno! Sou culpado! O que eu fiz foi horrível! ............O que você fez foi maravilhoso!............ Esta voz atravessa a escuridão, entra pelos meus ouvidos  e explode nas profundezas da minha inconsciência.

Entre no ônibus!...........Estou obedecendo sem sequer perceper, minhas pernas estão se movendo com tremor e dificuldade, subo o primeiro degrau, o segundo, nesta penumbra acho que posso ver o motorista, um homem velho e franzino, barba mal feita, branca, pele suja, roupas velhas, antigas. Voc.. Vá para seu assento! Não me deixou falar, tudo bem! Cadê um assento livre? Ali!  Parece que todos os outros estão lotados. Todos aqui são feios, sujos e maltrapilhos, estão exatamente como eu! Tem uma velha sentada no banco ao lado do meu. Todos estão me encarando, ela está me encarando. Como suas expressões são severas! Ela está forçando um sorriso, seus dentes são muito podres... Então...cofff...cooffff...cooooooooofff... Gotículas de saliva da tosse da velha estão escorrendo pelo meu rosto, o bafo dela lembra carne morta, em decomposição, quase tenho vontade de vomitar, ela está aproximando mais ainda  seu rosto ao meu... Então, você também está indo para lá? Eu não sei! Não sabe?!! Então você não deveria estar aqui!!! Todos estão me encarando, seus olhos expelem puro ódio!...........Você vai descer aqui!!!

Está entrando pelas minhas veias, guiando intuitivamente meus movimentos, enquanto meu eu se afoga num oceano tempestuoso. Toma minha voz, fala por mim... Como OUSA se dirigir A MIM, sua VELHA IMUNDA? Se olhar pra mim mais uma vez vou ARRANCAR todos os seus dentes podres!

Eu dei um chute na cara da velha! Eu dei um chute numa velhinha doente! O que foi que eu fiz? Ela está ali caída no assoalho do ônibus, está gemendo muito! Tem sangue escorrendo pelo seu nariz! Meu Deus, o que foi que eu fiz?  Ela está tendo convulsões?? Meu Deus, meu deus! Hahahahahahaha hahahahahahaha hahahahahahaha ahahaha hahahahahahaha hahahahahahaha... Que porra é essa? Puta que pariu! A velha está rindo??? Está freneticamente dando gargalhadas grotescas. Ninguém mais está olhando para mim. Não sei o que pensar! A velha... Está me encarando... sorrindo com crueldade. Parece que ela está tentando me falar alguma coisa...

...........Então você realmente está indo para lá!
Marco Raimondi Sep 2017
Pelo alvo deserto vão, me atrevo
Com passos vazios e rigidez emudecida
Caminho à livre esperança aquecida
Sem umbras derradeiras de vil enlevo

Nestas escassas palavras que descrevo
Aflijo, na natureza selvaticamente esvaída,
O brado ofego da moribunda esquecida
Cruzando-me os dentes o férrico sangue e doloroso arquejo

Ante os olhos que se chegam em céu vasto,
O silêncio zune, norteia-me, arrasto
E completo minhas vistas com negrumes vários

Deserto! Deserto! Das sombras, sóis filho nefasto,
Por eternidades, quais d'aurora me afasto
A vós enterneço meu desgarro solitário
Nota ao uso do pronome da segunda pessoa do plural: figura de silepse a fim de conotar "vastidão" ao referir-se ao(s) deserto(s).
hi da s Jan 2018
tenho um palito de dentes sempre ao meu alcance
pra que possa
com facilidade
limpar embaixo das unhas toda vida
sujas de vergonha.
hi da s Dec 2018
um dia eu descobri que te gostava.
um tempo depois descobri que tu me gostava.
meu gostava era fraco e só esqueci
e segui.
não sei quanto a ti, se o fogo que te habitava
era quente como um fogão aceso no verão
ou
um fósforo que se apaga quando queima a madeira no fim.

te visitei muitas vezes aqui dentro e sempre imaginei como seria
se
te beijasse durante o dia
elogiasse teus dentes de sorrisos geométricos
convidasse prum gole de café
tocasse teu ombro bem devagar com a
ponta dos dedos
encontrasse teus olhos perdidos
te fizesse enxergar que existe coisa além
de solidão


fotografei teu corpo seminu
te beijei em noites bebadas
conheci tuas poesias
te segui sem saber
e me deu nó quando soube do teu
coração preenchido

ouço o que ouves agora
e penso em ti com frequência
senti tua falta
e penso que peco porque meu coração também
preencheu

e se só o que fosse pra ser fosse ser só sem ser a gente
notas sobre ela
hi da s Apr 2018
cada véu de fumaça que sopro dessa minha boca
e que se perde no meio do ar
e some.
é só mais uma preocupação dentre outros véus que fogem sobre os dentes e a gengiva
e a garganta
que fica seca porque esquece de engolir saliva
daí o coração bate devagar e vai sossegando aquele palpitar visível no antebraço.
cada vez mais calma.
mais calma.
calma.

agora os olhos semicerrados encaram a tela branca.
um bela cena de enforcamento por causa de amor perdido passa na tela.
isso se chama poesia visual.
há uma representação ali.
a calma.

pegou no sono e perdeu o fim do filme.
Mateuš Conrad Aug 2022
well, it was going to be a beautiful day, and it is a beautiful day, scorched grass patches, humidity to match that of Thailand... welcome to the Hot Age... well there was the Ice Age, no? there was Moses poetically summarising pre-history with: Noah was very real... more real than Britney Spears... history more real than insomniac journalism, fake history omni-present god replacing medium of writing ******* after ******* after more: swinging *******... but there's a plus side to this heat: angry-thinking... Freud can *******... what dream-interpretation? i have no dreams: and if i have dreams they're so already abstract that i don't need some coke-head to figure them out for me... i sometimes dream in sounds... maybe i should have been the next ******* Mozart! no! i don't have repressed-memories... i don't have repressive-memories: i have OPPRESSIVE-memories... i remember nuggets of gold from the time i was 4 years old... i guess i better leave some notes as i write and come back to them:

- sceptics vs. cynics Ezra Pound Taoist me vs. sceptics  (passion),
source of inspiration for this type of writing? Gombrowicz's Kronos...


i take out an imaginary leash and put it around my tongue:
hey presto! i'm walking a dog...
usually i walk a bottle of cider in the labyrinth
of outer-London suburbia...
i'm glad to be be 30 minutes away from Liverpool St.
by bus and train and 30 minutes' worth of walking
uphill to the biggest collection of...
well... "collection": an avenue of Wellingtonias...
Giant Redwoods (prehistoric pillars) -
        'which is one of only two plantations in the country'...
looks like i'm becoming a local boy...
i think i'm coupled with a gravity that's linear...
i'm less a falling body attached to some molten
iron core of the earth...
when again: what's up? what's down?
what's east and what's north outside the realm
of the winds, in the great divide between nature
and physics in the pupil of yawn-and-death-eating space?
no need to romance the man... someone's toilet paper
is already in pretend-mode of flapping...
so many myths of the moon died with:
one small step... another leap for... man and kangaroo...
i adore the laziness of sloths, turtles,
pandas... and koalas...
but then again: i don't think a lion is the king
of the natural world... i think the bear is...
that bulge of an omnivore... i like Russian thinking
when it comes to choosing emblems...
i like bears... i have this memory of being in the Danzig
zoo... walking into a bear enclosure...
mommy bear was watching... my mother was watching...
i walked up to a bear...
a baby bear, i was a baby too...
he started to nibble on my cardigan...
he must have bitten off about two buttons...
i ran back crying to my mum: he ate two of my buttons!
now i know: why i don't dream...
my memory faculty stretches far beyond what
most people have...
i think that's a welcome curiosity to have...
by the dictates of psychology:
you either remember... or? you dream...
i don't dream... i remember...
i can take you back to the first flashes
of brilliance aged 4... i can take you back to:
aged 5 or 6... when me and the two Kowalski brothers
first tasted coffee: granulated: instant...
obviously: we just became bored of sugary drinks...
that was a ******* gateway drug... back then...
why don't i dream? or why do i dream in
ciphers?
               ah... the memory bank...
i didn't allow pedagogy completely ruin me...
no wonder i treat the current job as a... hobby...
it truly is... crowd safety management is a hobby...
i like organising people:
one woman under my supervision already said:
you're the sort of person one would walk into
a fire for...
        i'm *******: gagging on these compliments...
i don't even think i'm deserving them:
if i am? so be it... if i'm not:
i can sniff a liar pretty quickly...
liars / lies don't walk on stilts...
       they re ******* midgets...
                         i sometimes like seeing myself in full element:
it will be: the most trivial thing that will
set me off...
   my nickname(s) in high-school?
Goldilocks (because i had long hair done into
a French braid from time to time)
Hulk: when i showed my truer face and...
   "that guy with the weird fruit"...
i did eat a lot of passion fruits, pomegranates,
Sharon(s)... etc. etc.
hmm... i'm pretty sure i wasn't supposed to work
the 20th at Fulham...
guess i'm just forever freely available these days...
people can just put me up for any shift without
me complaining:
no wife, no kids... ms. amber and Sophia...
fair enough... mind you: i like the commute...
and seeing the Thames is rather refreshing...
the weirdest river known to man...
mind you: it is an island river...
what ******* river as concept of river of flow
has TIDE written all over it?!
rivers flow... rivers shouldn't behave like seas!
how does that work?
the membrane "event horizon" of the Thames...
and... the north sea?!
huh?!

i sometimes hate London...
back in Edinburgh i used to wake up with a geographical
clarity...
the Firth of Forth helped a lot...
i knew where east was... i knew where north was...
and west and the south...
in London? even if i cycle toward that old Serpent
and Father Thames: i still don't ******* know:
i look across the river: oh right... that's north...
no! that's south you dim-whit!
ugh... i once saw London from an aerial perspective:
flying from Barcelona to Edinburgh...
so we were passing this massive lit-BLOB...
what the **** is this? i thought...
then i noticed Canary Wharf blinking... oh... right...
London!

oh mate... iT IS M'AH... MASSIVE!
it must have taken us abut five minutes to fly over that
giant sponge of civilisation... well:
paying due compliments... but it was HUGE!
it's worth seeing once: during the night...
but only once...
the rest of the time?

i must have mentioned it prior:
bicycle tyre problems...
Chadwell Heath the point of call...
the Halford's corporation couldn't **** me
a pigeon out of a penguin's *******
because: their mechanic was away until the end of
August: Bicycle King instead: done by Friday...
in the meantime i went for a pint of Guinness...

weird... you smile at a guy talking about women
on some other table... you're not weird...
you're just making an approach...
casual conversation *******...
hey presto... you acknowledge each other's presence...
and the chat takes off...
work, music, the weather... you name it...
whatever comes to mind...
it was so refreshing... it almost felt like being
soldiers on the western front: in the trenches...
breaking ***** and marking banter
on our crippled souls...
we probably had loving mothers...
but our experiences with women were:
let's just say cats and dogs loved us more...
we could actually joke with these creatures...

i said i brought a leash for my tongue...
i didn't say i brought the muzzle...
my tongue my dog
mea lingua mea canis!
              paro dictata:
i set the rules!
                                 n'est ce pas?!

there's nothing necessary to inquire for feeble men:
beside... what is necessary for what it
feeble per se...

now: for a sample of Gombrowicz's Kronos
note-taking, extravaganza!

chadwell heath pub promenade
bbq amazing...
missing: doing a refill, smoking a cigarette.
ginger brat: shivers:
      Ovid, book III, opening...
three unusual muses...
reading: music... ****** lyricism...

- and if i dream? strange... i only seem to dream of:
dentes: teeth!
there was this myth concerning my maternal
great-grandfather... how he had pristine
teeth... he used to eat sugar cubes like
a horse might eat apples...
he was the one who dumped a whole load of coffee
beans into the river: Kamienna...
the Stone River...
NN...an oddity in the ****** tongue...
you utter the double N with  stutter...
n'ah n'ah...
                   there ought to be a letter for this
example... oddity...
it can't just be a double N...

                       that's not for me to discover
or apply... but he basically dumped sacks of coffee
beans into the river... long before anyone
in the Slavic lands... on the periphery of civilisation
knew what coffee was used for...
Francis was his name...
he's my earliest memory...
maybe that's why i have dream inhibitions...
my long surviving memory is of him:
as shadow...
playing the piano...
putting me next to a toy piano
and the pair of us playing...

i have grown into a horrid man...
i'm currently listening to:
the Davy Jones' theme from pirates of
the Caribbean... and...
it's not that i'm afraid of death
or falling asleep: i just think the two
are a proper waste of time...
if i can remember living from the age of four:
why would i require a need to dream?
my memory has bypassed all that erosion
from pedagogic investments into creating
a workforce...
i don't need escapism via dreams...
i have my memory for that!

one crescendo two crescendo three!
four crescendo five crescendo six!

America spews forward *******...
i'm not ally to this current agenda... you know what
i think? i think the Russians are doing
a ****** marvelous "thing" in Ukraine...
much better than Americans in either Iraq
or Afghanistan.... much better:
less a proxy war: more a practical war:
a chess-war... a war of: consequences!

ha ha... the meme that somehow the Africans are
Orcs... the warring types...
the Mongols weren't?
oh sure sure... the English etymological roots
of Slav = Slav(e)... sure... sure...
this is my pet peeve!
my iris and sclera disappear whenever i see someone
make that statement...
i go: ha ha! BONKERS!
what African people ever conquered whatever
part of the world except their own people
which they sold into slavery?!
see! BONKERS!
i go... absolutely ******* gloriously MAD!

i've ben given absolutely:
diagnosed: mad... let me abuse the terminology / diagnosis
a little! because?! ha ha! i'm exempt from
standard prosecution! i can always succumb
to the insanity plea!
i have back-up memorandum queues...
these normal people are just: these normal people...
boorish and above all boring as ****-goes-on-holiday...

i know why i don't dream...
photographs are useless...
me taking a a photograph when i was at most lowest,
fattest? when i took the photograph:
i looked rather thin...
but? when someone else took a photograph
of me sitting in front of a Christmas dinner:
a ******* porky pie...
i don't know how cameras work:
obscurity of the eye of the beholder...
fused with the technicality of the added
technological specimen... hmm...
curiously more curious...

           i know why i don't dream: i have a very poignant
memory in my brain:
the memory of my great-grandfather as a shadow...
here: i place my focus for entering Tartarus...
beyond the already familiar depths of Hades...
i need more! i need to go deeper...
i don't dream because i have a memory of my
great-grandfather as a shadow!
darkness abounds!

                abundo tenebris!
umbra *** umbra venio hic...
(shadow with shadow come here):
i see no need for Sabbaths or for witches...
i need shadows and shadows of shadows...
and thoughts as splinters and trees as fire and ash...
i need! HORROR!
   i need the current people to live their lives
as passively as must be met:
while i quietly pass... pass as the angel of death passed
as the final plague that befell Egypt!
listen! listen! ever so... quietly!
i need them lullabied... oblivious to the SUFLER:
speaking cues to the actors on stage!
LET, ME, PASS!

                some ******* idiot will get in my way?
i will... sacrifice a lamb: and salvage a wasp!

- it was at work at the Wembley Stadium that i first
spotted a doe (female deer) embodied by a woman,
it's so rare to find that LOOK: deer in headlights...
frightened stiff about to be taken for grass by a lawnmower...
mature woman... i'm guessing in her 40s...
all the sort of details a boy would expect from
a ****... seriously... curves, *******, ***...
although: scared eyes, perhaps even scarred eyes...
i kept glancing under my sunglasses,
she kept glancing: irritated somewhat: irritated-fearful,
as if she met destiny and it wasn't what she
was expecting...
            what a beautifully bountiful specimen of
fetishes i've been fed over the years in the medium
of *******...
sure, it's summer now, and all the young and fertile
women are walking around the streets like
its a nudist beach in the French Riviera...
oh man: such under-developed bodies...
bodies that are yet to experience the crunch of ***...

i try to think about how pedophiles think...
then i get the picture...
scrambled eggs... i like they almost burnt...
i hate well-done overcooked beef in the form of a stake...
i need it rare or medium, **** it... even blue will do...
eggs? i can't have them underdone...
i know people who like runny scrambled eggs...
you can eat undercooked beef and pork:
but undercooked chicken? it's slimy...
it's like eating slugs... plus the salmonella...
plus... it feels like raw sea-food...
that's how i look at women who have not arrived
at any ****** potential...
it's ******* ****-ugly... builder-Bob's hairy *** crack
when his blue jeans droop...

young women are like undercooked chicken...
mature women are like rare beef...
BLOOD... JUICE... NO ORANGES...
     it's filth it's suckling it's the monstrosity of coming
to her **** after she just spent a year or so
feeding some rugrat with her *******...
it's macabre, it's... nature...
it's ******* a woman like that thinking:
ooh oops... when will she turn into a Mantis?!
it's like having a bicycle accident... falling head first
over the handlebars and leaving permanent
"tattoos" on your forehead... getting up and exclaiming...
i just saw Francis Bacon paint a **** while ****!
ffff-ucking spectacular! i don't need to ingest
any lysergic acid... i'm good with the head-traumas...
disorientating at first: but orientating after...

more life, more blood, more grime more filth!
more more! MORE!
mind you, is that 'e" at the end of more really necessary?
you don't really say: aMorÉ... do you?
it's not more vs. moor... ooh... i just thirst for fiddly
bits in language... and English?
it's the devil's playground... if Poland is god's
equivalent...
you know... it took **** Germany AND Soviet
Russia to subdue Poland... longer...
than it took **** Germany to subdue France...

oh to hell with the current exported trend of culture
from H'america: white apologetics...
i don't share your history: i've been woken up
from a trinity-partition... i'm not apologising
for ****!
   i think i'd look great in an SS-mensch uniform...
i like black from time to time...
i have thoughts of Karl Lagerfeld's style...
just pretend you're donning fur...
the cat isn't clothed... you're right: #metoo!
i'll done and adore the colours of the hearth...
i'll burn bright in auburn...
in browns and in greens...
    i'll become a... ******* talking tree!

enough!
         too many idiots are running this ****-show...
grammar lessons from people with an IQ of 60...
i'm checking out!
  bye bye...
  inflated overbearing baron-demons of want...
how easily they allowed me to dehumanise them...
i look at black flies and think: ooh!
just the right sort of tickle!
   people have created people like me...

how i can simply have casual *** with prostitutes
without using a ****** and not worry
about any STGs...
sexually transmitted diseases...
i probably drank enough milk in my youth...
broken bones? nope...
but outgrowths of bone? yep...
that's true... i have one on my shin...
hardly a ballerina in me bewildered by a tutu...
i don't break bones:
i leave outgrowths...

hmm... time for a new meditation...
the serpents can be left alone...
two serpents in a pickling jar? a DNA helix...
or... dragons?! fire...
the great meteor when the moon failed
to protect the earth... fire breathing
giant lizards... dinosaurs...
that, meditation: is over...
time to turn to insects... hmm... flies...
wasps...
i like that... the way wasps are born:
pure Darwinism:
insect and parasite combined...
                the larva is shoved into an unsuspecting
body of a worm...
the larva is born and starts...
eating the worm from the inside: out...
imitation cuckoo bird...
sort of the same principle...

                 has Darwinism been truly applied?
has it?! has it?! i call an obstacle i find in man
either: THING... or the OTHER...
ha ha... pronouns... ha ha... ah ha ha... pronouns...
yeah: these people have one:
IT...
                 i'm just a theological mercenary...
either the descent of god or the ascendance of the devil:
the wind blows in all four geographical vectors...
as a ****** they could have sold me Protestantism,
Catholicism, Communism... ******... blah blah...
this... woke little **** of: thank you: but i rather sleep,
is... supposed to what?! make me quake in my boots!
hold hold... let me just twinkle my toes...
do i have... socks on my feet? wait wait...
mmm... furry-toes... yeah: i have socks on...

being the massive fan of both the Red Hot Chilli Pappers
and William Burroughs:
hell only knows where these idle hands will
travel...
i love my bedroom in the night with no lights
on... insatiable: the drummer-instinct in me...
i can't help grooving to EASILY
and AROUND THE WORLD...
hands joined to the torso...
hands attached to hands... no saucepans...
**** it... thighs knees and the head will simply do...
i need to chase after my heartbeat...
out-chase it...

but in the darkness by the silver milk of the moon's
rays... my naked body impressed against the backdrop
of constellations...
Azog the Pale Orc and his Warg Matriarch...
well... mine is ginger and he's no matriarch...
he's a castrated ginger Maine ****...
yes... let's get carried away...
                because the comparison of Africans as Orcs
is a disrespected for me...
the English knowledge of etymology
of Slav = Slav(e) is also slightly off...

just like Billy Joel sang while sifting through sand
to find bones and rocks:
just like the post-Soviets in Ukraine
and H'americans in Iraq and Afghanistan...
what African people conquered any "polite" plot
of land outside of Africa? who?! the "Orcs"?
who are the slaves?
who's anyone, mind you?

Shaolin monk style questing:
i abhor the sceptics... i have this inherent hatred for
the sceptics like Ezra Pound abhorred the Taoists...
i can't: stand their... adamant... pride...
their neglect of being humbled...
how do you learn the concept of humbling?
by being humbled...
and how do you counter the concept of humbling?
upon being humbled:
you transcend and do not: humble...
whenever i was made a makeshift supervisor...
i didn't humble people...
i was caretaker...
because just don't get the whole idea...
they have partial clues regarding the idea of
the function...
today i caught a green-bell fly with my index and
thumb... i took a photograph of my "adventure":
as you do...
because it wasn't me stretching easily melting cheese...
so i guess that's a plus...

i hate scepticism...
you ******* don't know the basic principles of
1 + 1 = 2... CAUSALITY...
seriously? the fire that erupted in that tiny village
of Wennigton was like...
CAUSE + EFFECT = CAUSALIY...
so... i blow up a balloon up with my breath?
carbon dioxide... the balloon will sink...
i inflate it with helium, what? the balloon rises...

what's the impact i have by cycling to where
i need to go? no impact...
well... some extra traffic...
i might overheat my rubber, no?
but in terms of fuel? yes... carbohydrates
in my body... i need to peddle...
what am i burning? my own momentum...
i'm not burning any dinosaur fuel or gas...
i'm mobile... more mobile that people
who overuse their mobile phones...
there was a point: once upon a time:
for telephones to be left stationary...

  i abhor the sceptics: they're like the worst bad joke bad
jokers...
the canine cynics i can understand:
i can understand their cynicism:
fear the dog that fears its owner...
we're currently the dogs in fear of their own
fate: our owner...

i have oppressive memories...
that's why i don't dream... what interpretation
could Freud give:
and all that pedagogic erosioin fron learning
"skills": what skills? that would envision me
as having traction in the workforce?
zilch! nada! nothing! i just think of those poor
people who have recurrent dreams...
poor *******: how can you become so *******
as to have recurrent dreams?
70cl of whiskey won't help?
waking up at 8am the next day...
anxious out of both brain and freeze won't help?
not sure whether vomiting or taking a ****
will ease your burden, that confusion
won't help?!
**** me...
                   **** it... jump off a cliff...
paying close attention to the sunset...
maybe that might help...
                  i can't help you luvvy dubby... teddy...
please don't try to hug me...
i've seen how that works in the workforce...
one bubbly gal... all purple hai with
a hiding twitch in her hair...
   hugs me...
i just misheard a word she uttered...
she said darling: i thought she said daddy...
every since it has become a *******
schtick!
                 ugh... it's like... my ******* *******
tuching glue...
would i like erecticle dysfunction? yes please...
so i'm greeting this big girl with a hug...
the one i'm more interested in...
she's ginger: i have a ginger-fetish...
i think of her as: MOUSE...
anyway...

      let's get the party people pout and get them
the **** out of the way...
i will not describe to them that i have...
an inkling into right-wing politics...
i'm a fascistic nut...
   blah blah...
                    i get the purple-haired frogs out
of the way... by? hugging them...
i get onto the mouse... ooh... the dynamic changes...
i can't hug her...
the purple haired lesbian-fatso wants hugs:
i give her hugs...
but the mouse is special...
she's ginger...
             i love gingers...

i address her with a hand... extended...
she's not a man... therefore? she doesn't perform a handshake...
she.... hmm...
i'm a daddy... about to give my daughter
an ice-cream cone...
  she grips my fingers in the wrong way
that hands out to meet upon greeting...
she grips my fingers... on the wrong side...
i feel: oddly... left-handed...

i thank god and the democracy of satans
for the simple fact that:
none of these people will ever care to wonder
where i spend some of my nights...
ha ha...
oh please... ***** please...
i spend them with prostitutes...
you think i'm that quick to quiver?!
seriously?
i love a game of cards more than i enjoy a game
of chess: after all: it's one game after another...

games... games...
i used to be a big gamer in my early teenage-hood...
i couldn't be separated from my PS1 console
during the weekend...
i begged for a PS2... didn't get one...
i guess gaming caught up to me...

the gaming experience coupled with the internet...
ah... mind-mining...
teaming up... war robot games...
my thrill has finally come...
war robots... mech arena...
better still... the agenda of credit...
me? it's free, isn't it? well then...
but you manage to spot the people who invest
money in something:
they're usually skill-less: not exactly team-players...
esp. when it come to a game that
focuses on two objectives...
winning or losing is just a byproduct...
(a) gaining authority over control points
(b) destroying all the opposite side's mechs...
time frame? 10 minutes in war robots...
5 minutes in mech arena...
plenty of time to contemplate taking a ****...
mind you: either i dilate my ****
and ease out a **** by jerking off to a pair of ****
or i play an interactive game...
on the throne of thrones...
i could be wearing a crown of: dust...
and it would still matter... whether the plumbing works:
or doesn't...

i seriously had to wait for gaming to catch up with
my desired DIET of gaming...
i had to wait for the internet to evolve...
i required an arena... a lottery of... value...
competent players versus incompetent players...
players willing to hone in on their skills for free...
and players... lazy enough to invest money
that is otherwise unnecessarily invested in a game...

i'm coming back to gaming...
i can du soku... ****... su doku  by myself...
what need for crossword puzzles when you're already
a crossword puzzle of bilingualism?
sure... i have polyglot interests...
the concept of RENDAKU springs to mind...
as expressed in ORIGAMI:
                        g = k.... TOE-MAY-TOES...
T'OH-M'AH-TOES...
  
        hey! the people of the never-setting sun!
you're not much different, n'est ce pas?!
but there's a more obvious RENDAKU...
theta phi V...
alTHough... THought... and...
             PH = TH = F...
    but "F" = V... via TH...
                   the Fe? or the V'eh in THE point?!
i'll bring this tower of Babel to crumble before
my toes and then, and then:
i'll kneel among the rubble!
too much of Hell's ambitions have been sung by men
for Hell to simply: wallow in Heaven's tyranny
of absence!
                    we're here...
whoever we are: it doesn't matter...
                       one variant attired to another...
we're mechanisations to counter the absence of human
spirit...
we're the *****-slapping crew...
i pray to god that i'm not alone in my ambitions...
not that i pray...

this posting will have to wait...
i have a shift at Wembley tomorrow...
Coldplay... it's not like i hate them: i just don't love them...
it will be a dross...
but this posting will have to wait... i might have
to stop over at the brothel to ease my brain from
having ownership of a head...
i'll think about it...
depends on... a number of factors...

for the time being... mosquitos... caught... donning
donning boxing gloves... by the *******...
or... flies... catching them by the legs...
with naked fingers...
ooh... i love those pristine *******...
the green-bells... fertile *******...
they **** more maggots than they eat...
black flies are priests...
i like the tickling sensation insects leave
on a naked body... esp. when they don't deposit any
embryos... of their own...
**** me: wasps and my eye...
i would: most probably: punch myself to death if that
ever happened...
ergo? there's a god...
ergo? simple people make life pristine all the more
difficult...
no one has problems with competent people...
no one... idiots make this world worse
than the best it already is...
the ******* god of norms...
"calculations"... exhibits A and exhibits B...
i'm getting tired of this Atlas pause...
i'm waiting for Darwinism-proper kicks in...
when the dimension of agony-scrutiny and: RE-ALITY
cometh...

no one is going to dictate my useage of
the English language beside an authentic English-man!
no one!
no one... oh... but i'm siding with the Russians...
no one sided with the Iraqis when Iraq
was invaded... no one sided with the Afghans
when Afghanistan was invaded...
**** the Ukrainians: i'm not siding with them...
Cossacks undermined the Polish-Lithuanian
Commonwealth... sold it to the Ottoman barbers...
**** them...
i'm on the side of the Russians...
which makes listening to western journalistic
narratives a miracle of escapism...
i began, to, stop, reading, pointless, books:
already, pointless, to, begin, reading! ******* bravo!
extend the concept of starvation!

no no... now we're talking more... we need more...
there's only one guilt trip associated with hell...
gluttony: the gluttony of death...
there are never enough dead people!
hmm! ******* weird!
why aren't there enough dead people?!

can't you *******, just, die?!
    sure: i'm equally man...
by no summary i am no exception...
perhaps... i'm some variation of an exception
akin to: i bite an apple: i... "taste" water...
wait a minute: you can't "taste" water...
since... water is tasteless...
how pow! either the apple is imaginary
or my taste of the apple is imaginary:
or my ability to taste is imaginary...
or... well... there was no apple to begin with...

ha ha... by now all of philosophy is not a question
but an answer: i just don't care...
and? i just don't care...
it's a must of: there's too much...
and there's too little...
      it's clearly beyond any prior concern
of GOOD and EVIL...
there's just too much... and there's too little...
there are new-rule absolutes...

only a dutious scarab of a servant might acknowledge
this conundrum...
we have moved beyond the gravity of language
concerning a good and an evil...
there? is either too little...
or there's too much! for the time being: problem solved:
i.e. problem staged: therefore: not solved!
hell yawns! more of these i.q. deficient mongrels!

yes, i abhor the sceptics with a similar passion
that Socrates ascribed the sophists,
with equal passion Ezra Pound ascribed his passionate
hatred for the the Taoits...
i ascribe equal measure to the sceptics...
i can bark dog with the cynics...
i like cynicism... i abhor scepticism:
they're so ridiculous ridiculous...
to them? the casausality bound to the physics is
non-existent...

mind you... i don't know what i'm doing with this
poo'em...
i have already broken several instances
of keeping up to the up-keep of
エンソー...

                  **** me... even the Japanese use diacritical
markers, the English are forever adamant
in not using any... even though there's an example
of レンダク (rendaku) in almost every word that arrives
at the "suspicion) of THETA contra PHI...
TH = D in there's a point...
TH = F in there's thinking invoked...
THE= V: THE point...

it has taken me too many takes to complete this piece
with too many interludes of
either staring at my shadow or blinking at the sun...
i will need to abandon this poem at some point...
not that it's unfinished:
it's only that i require a readership of squaters
to venture in its dynamic...
new "things" happened... i need to write about them...
too much happened today for me to want
to perfect this:
i already wasted about half an hour looking
for my headphones...
father... i know i placed them in some easily
re-find location... what did he do?
he stashed my headphones in a drawer with
his shoes and shoelaces...
   apparently too inconvenient...
a lunatic walking around the house with a searchlight
trying to find them...
                no, this poem is becoming silly...
dead0phelia Mar 2020
.
‪uma cidade inteira pra me engolir e eu aqui presa nos seus dentes
um bando de gente pra me ver dançar e eu aqui contabilizando as vezes que você me olhou
um monte de bares pra eu me apaixonar e eu aqui me embriagando de solidão

— The End —