There was nothing plastic
About the way your smile showed
Or about the way your arms felt
But a voice in the back of my head told me so
And last weekend
I melted a carpet I thought was wool
You could have fooled me
Except now there is a hard, shiny, iron-shaped mark
Plastered into the carpet's soft mat
To be honest, I was a little disgusted
When I pulled the iron away and found
Strings of green and red clinging to it like bubblegum
And to be honest, I felt a little disgusted with myself
Not to mention you
When I left a handprint in your soft back
And strings of skin still sticking to my palm
Prove you, my little plastic boy, are just a doll
By all the tests that matter
A human illusion too easily destroyed
By an excess of warmth

Take me apart
You called me your doll
I'm broken and missing some pieces.

Break me in half
It's nothing at all
I'm happier when I'm needless

Cut up my heart
And together we fall
Will you still call me baby?

"Dollface" may be my epitaph
But I'm not pretty, don't call
I need you, don't say it's a "maybe".

hey dollface.
I don't think you know
how truly
ugly
you really are

I'm the real dollface.

There I said it.

But for my final act
I'll be standing and burning aflame
Feet planted in the earth

Trusting.

This cold seeps into my bones.
These war-worn bones...
these putrid bones.
Hold me up,
the puppet I am,
so willing and eager to take your hand.
I’ll kiss you with my painted lips.
I’ll press to you my plastic hips.
My button eyes will steal your fire and soon
I’ll be what you desire.
I’ll let you feel my woven hair and soon
you’ll need me more than air.
Don’t
play with me like
I’m your toy,
then
simply leave me
lying there.

And now theres really nothing else that remains
I ripped the bright orange post it
In half and it was as if smoke clouds
Confetti and wisps of suns bursting into flames
Floated from the pieces of the page
After I crumpled it in my hand
As though the curse, or spell
Had at last, broken free.

I emailed the prettiest brightest email
I could muster up.
My room mate showed me flurry of messages
Celebrating, lets not acknowledge
The obvious
"If she wants to go, let her"
One of the girls replied
So I did
I went and I went and I went.

Nothing now remains
I'll wash off all the residue for the final time
Tomorrow morning
A day to grieve, comprehend
I almost burnt up all my chicken tonight again
But I saved it at the last minute
We drop money on ****.

I think a lot of the reason I held on
Was to feel less alone
In this unfamiliar, vast city.

But I embrace the strangeness
But its really not so strange
I'll return to my old stomping grounds
Happily, without you by my side
No need to compete or make sure
You like or see my face on social media
A hundred and two times
Because I'm back to doin' me.

So eloquent
You once said in response
Brilliant
Too brilliant for my own good
All that remains now is moving forward.

My heavy burnt and bleeding wings flap
One by one, we lift ourselves off of the ***** ground
The ground that caught me in lack of self worth, shame
And we fly like
I fly like
Without looking back.

These painted faces
Haven’t seen many places
A dusty shelf they call their home
A fake self is all they have known
They dress up and make up and
In the morning they wake up
All alone on their shelves
All by their lonesome selves

These painted faces
Will tell you what “good” taste is
Their smiles are painted on
Their happiness is long gone
But they know how to get what they want
They know how, where and what to flaunt

These painted faces
Are all dressed up in laces
They play with their food
Always in the mood
To play with their toys
And play with their boys

These painted faces
Have many shallow graces
Have one shape and one size
Have malice in their eyes
And have hearts full of lies,
But painted faces are lonely
Because in the end they only
Ever come home
To shallow, hollow selves
And shallow, hollow lies
To dusty, empty shelves
And dusty, empty lives

he likes to call me dollface

and i let him unravel my threads,
because i'm not quite porcelain like he seems
to think - more so a rag doll, yarn for
hair, buttons for eyes, soft and
easy.

we started as a series of stolen things:
glances, secrets, moments in a walk-in freezer,
and i keep wondering how that all led us
here, stealing time as
he lights a bowl and i
dance circles in his living room

all the while he is watching
like he is in a museum, and i am
art behind a glass to
stare at, never
touch

he reaches out and falls short,
calls me over but never follows through,
pulls my threads and
sews me up again
each time
he calls me
dollface

You weren't who I thought you were.

Everything, you
Fell out of my hands with one big
Clamoring heart beat
All I can do now is work it out through poetry
You are right, you will appear in all of my work now.

And I hope it cripples your heart
I hope you wake up in the morning
With a flat, lost feeling
Because you no longer
Have me.

An empty space
Or the blanket you use to wrap up in
Because I always stole all the covers
I move past the pain.

All the promises of a future
I think I knew all along
Would never occur
Wedding dress whistling in the wind
We discussed the names of our children
As you plotted and drunkenly told
Anyone who would listen
You made my plans
Your plans
I should have seen through
The enormous pacifier in your ***** lips.

You always wanted everyone to watch you
I tried to be a spectator in the crowd
As you drug me in further and further
With deceit and expletive filled promises of love
You weren't who I thought you were.

So in this eerie world covered in cob webs
Fresh blood from my throat
I string my pearls around me now
The prettiest ending
Anyone ever did see.

Billie Holiday croons and lingers
Reverberating and shining like slender legs
Clad in red high heels on a pedestal
Inching up silver snake stylistic shadows
You told me once I was born into the wrong era.

If I laid my porcelain body onto the top of the blackest piano
Your lips would kiss me so fully, exceptional mystery
Coiled in braids and rhythmic juices
But our legs, our legs leap up and us into the moments
Our graceful hands conducting water color painted symphonies
With such soft fighting spirit.

I imagine you must practice, practice
Your eyes baring into mine with the utmost passion
I shrug past it to get through my days
Placing orders for quiche and treats
But we schedule our work to be seen
In unison, confusion you said its all beautiful
You like the sense, the taste of it
And I could type with trite reduction
Don't wanna be just another lover on your list
Bowing my blonde head with mistrust
Dust to yesterday, you say
"In time."
You got so much you wanna say, easily and with such comfort
Flying and soaring into your own hours
I loved word playing with the boys of my past
But they never could keep up.

So I don't drown myself in hope or longing
But you lift me up like a chalice
Sipping me so gingerly as to not spill precious
Gems on your fingers
Remember the simplistic hilarity of when we first met?

Or red roses on the table next to us
Red roses on the table next to us
Red roses on the table next to us
We both drank green tea.

Mykele.

A sobering sunlit day
Alabama keys filling and timing out
Like ballerinas twirling in unison, all clad
And panting in one heaving white heap
She woke up on the ground, abandoned
What was marked on her "destiny."

Rings twining together like all the "I do's"
That echoed and ran rampant in the sweetest
Of deep molasses southern belle gratitude
I heard my mothers voice waiver and say
"He's not the one for you sweet daughter"
A number of flaming red times
As my hand lilted and titled with a combination
Of worries and intimacies of what it means
To be a woman panting and breathing
In the showering rain outside
Reinventing, shedding that purity
I watched them all go next to the shadows of what could have been
But could never really be.

And for that, with the most eloquent softness
We curtsy our fiery manes not all at once
But in a series of waves and flames
As we, as I assemble
A rifle filled to the brim with nothing but love
The rawness of real joy and innate desire
To shine a light on the unspoken.
Forever. For always.
'Cuz thats what we do.
Thats what I do.

It smelled like city urban summer today
Sweat above my lip, greasy hair
Natural and determined
I'm entirely composed of the mightiest
And gentlest sweet embers.

"Who is leaving who now?"
All my insecurities bubble to the surface, that one phrase plunging me deeper into Hell.
"I'm sick of people leaving me."
So am I, dollface, but what am I supposed to do about that?
I've taken a liking to self-preservation, but you only lead me to self-devastation.
"Now I have two more faces today I need to forget about."
I'm sorry, but I have my own demons to fight, my own wars needing waged.
I have my own faces needing purged from my eyelids, from my heart.
"Text me when I'm good enough."
Good enough? You're not good enough? I'm the one that's not good enough.
I'm not good enough to fix you.
I'm not strong enough.
I'm not whole enough.
"I'm not suicidal..."
If you're not suicidal, then I wouldn't be so concerned.
If you're not suicidal, then you wouldn't be wanting to throw your life away with this... sickness.
This isn't you, despite your confident "it is" claim.
Why must you do this?
"I don't want to think about it."
You're destroying yourself.
I can't understand this.
I can't take your constant decimation every night;
It's destroying me too, dear.
Your nonstop emotional blackmail only beats me further into submission.

distance makes us
***** calls and texts of shame
1:43 AM attempts at conversing
the simple hellos ignored
and the ‘I love you’s forever out
of sync.
you are
bully and ringmaster
and my master to your masochism,
strangling the dollface you’ve longed
too long
to want.

we,
armistice.

we, never.

he and me, ****** to each other
I listen and wither with every I miss you
                          slave,
                  servant,

          animal.

Lightly, darling, live lightly, Lightly dollface, live brightly and let the darkest, deepest, heaviest parts of your soul drip down your rib cage over your bones. Feeling it all, just let it fall to your toes, down in the ground and all around.
An effortless flow let the black of your mind seep into the meaning of time
spread your roots and just breathe.
Look about you. You will shed darkness so it reveals the light that is you The you that is always yearning to greet the heavenly sun.

there's weeds winding up her wrists 
and the vines of ivy have grown high,
high up her thighs
where black and cream mingle
not sweet enough for envyline
there's a ghost in her bed
and she made friends 
with the spirit of her moon sister
pay no mind to her
bitter envyline is just
what a little to take
a little too much
simply just stardust
in her galaxy of eyes
between her thighs
she's been tarnished
daddy's baby, dollface, honey
getting around with no money
collecting hearts like butterflies
tear off the wings
save them in a jar
sow them together again 
her cherry pies
like those cosmic eyes
draw you in with a little tornado
a little spark of volcano
before she melts beneath you
daddy can taste it on her tongue
she's been seeing someone

Remember how we thought
We might could be in love?

I'm sorta drunk.
3:16am.
I've got one skeleton and a lasso
A lasso of people
It reminds me when a child hood friend and I
We went to the rodeo
We won boomerangs
They came.back to us in the audience
I think?
Or maybe her mama just paid them
To say they did.

I'm so tired.
Comforting sounds from love and homie love we love
But this time last year I wasn't here
Don't wanna lose my spot, my meaning
But I always feel that way
But yet I go and I go and I go
Because I have to
Trust.

Tonight.
Was beautiful
And weird and hard and so very chill.
Short and sweet and meaty.
All the women secretly proclaim
They wanna be the mothers of dollface
But
**** it

Let's do it
Let's **** it
Because I know deep in my heart
This IS just the beginning
And filmmaking
Women
Ladies
We out here
And we are taking over.
So hang tight, hold on
Cuz we sittin next to you.

You always loved me
on your own terms,
rolling them dice,
slamming down those cards
& picking up sticks.
Rock on Sweetness.
You go Honey Pie.
And while you at it,
playing those silly little games,
do a couple of magic tricks for me.
Make one a vanishing act.
'Cause when you reappear,
I promise,
you'll think about me,
you'll wish I was there.
But you can kiss my *** goodbye,
I promise,
you won't find me
in a ******* Jack box,
not this time.
Sorry Dollface,
you'll have to find
another gamer
to make promises.

Church bells chimed
And my shoes were slightly too small
But I remember the great sensation of--
His breath smelled like Halloween candy
And I held up the diamond of expectation
Only to dismantle it
Into the palm of my hand
Like all the dreams I'd dream
Where my teeth would crumble
And you'd be there still.

I'd be there still.
I'd be there still not knowing which way to turn
Whether to set you free, aflame
Or to go on--walk out the door
We both so freely left ajar
Only to know that this is--
What keeps us vibrating through time
And space
And coffee
And bedroom slippers.

Because we both danced our own conjured up dance
Pushing and pulling together
And ultimately away.
But the tender moments we shared
They were truly matchless
And thats the thing
Thats the shining beacon within it all
Even if it didn't mean
We were immortalized
For forever and for the rest of our
Eternity.

he likes to call me dollface

and i let him unravel my threads,
because i'm not quite porcelain like he seems
to think - more so a rag doll, yarn for
hair, buttons for eyes, soft and
easy.

we started as a series of stolen things:
glances, secrets, moments in a walk-in freezer,
and i keep wondering how that all led us
here, stealing time as
he lights a bowl and i
dance circles in his living room

all the while he is watching
like he is in a museum, and i am
art behind a glass to
stare at, never
touch

he reaches out and falls short,
calls me over but never follows through,
pulls my threads and
sews me up again
each time
he calls me
dollface

I am invincible to society
I am the one who wears a dollface
Smile when it seems right
I have talents no one see's
But I do have someone who loves me
Falling down is easy, getting up is hard
I'm afraid to shoe them who I am.
I don't belong, I can see it in there faces
No need to hide, you can't break me