everything about you
your eyes piercing mine
your glares in response
to my warm smiles
made me bleed inside
when i go home at night
and think of you
i sit in my bedroom
with my razor in hand
and start cutting
little beads of blood appear
to me it's just a red liquid
to others it signifies pain
to me it means relief
from pressure and stress
it's one of the only times
i can disappear
from my familiar surroundings
and vanish into a world
without pain

i missed you
when you died
you kept me
from feeling lonely
when i needed a friend
you were there
to lick my face
or wag your tail
your eyes tenderly
looking into mine
i miss you
or was this just
some bad nightmare?
a nightmare so alive
that i believed it was real?
no it wasn't
it was just cold reality
when death took you
away from me
leaving me alone
farewell to your
happy woofs

every night when
i go to bed
i dream about you
before i go to sleep
sitting up in bed
i'm thinking about you
do you still love me?
no you probably don't
you've made that clear
other times we've talked
but nothing has changed
i still love you
please love me back
the hurt in my heart
is unbearable
i want you and i need you
all i want is you
to love me back
i miss you
please come back
every night
i cry myself to sleep
because i'm thinking
of you again
i still love you

your words
of hatred
sting like salt
upon my broken heart

i hurt so much
i could scream
and when my family
goes shopping
and leaves me here
all alone
i do scream
let out all my pain
i hurt secretly inside
everybody cares but you
and it's so painful
i wail and wail
i weep and lament for you
but then i remember
you don't care
and i scream
scream it out
scream out all my pain
it makes me feel better
but leaves me weak
and it's all thanks to you
because you left me
all alone
and no one understand
because it seems
no one cares
in my real life
or they don't want
to care
because they offer
no understanding
and so
i scream
scream it out
i yell until my lungs hurt
because i scream
i scream out all of my pain
while tears course down
my red cheeks
and fall to my jeans
the tears keep falling
from my slanted eyes
and sweat moistens
my black hair

today i looked
at my cuts
they were all
healed until
i picked up my
blade only to
do it again
thinking of
you is far too
painful for me
and i cannot bear it
any longer
goodbye

blood
feel it
running down my fingers
see it oozing from my wrists
bright red blood
stains my enemy
my cold steel blade

whenever i hear
that song on the radio
in the store while i'm shopping
tears sting my eyes
and i begin to cry
tears blur my vision
and i start to cry
because that song
reminds me of you
we used to listen
to that song together
even hum a few lines
so whenever i hear
that song on the radio
while i'm shopping
with my older sister
tears sting my eyes
and i give into them

remember how
we would sit
on that familiar
bench at the park
and sip cold cherry coke?
those times are now
just sad memories
that make me cry
i remember how
we would hold
each others hands
in friendship and love
but you like her now
and you ignore me
which makes me
cry all alone
in my bedroom
because i miss you

i sipped the potion
waiting for a change
it was laced with your love
but you hate me now
and now i know
that things will never be the same
because i'm waiting for your love
but you hate me
and your hatred
is like poison to my broken heart

you said
you loved me
and i know that
it isn't true
if you ever say
that again
i'll know now
not believe your lies
ben, i loved you
and still do
i just don't want
to loose you
all over again
goodbye, ben
remember that
i love you
from the bottom
of my heart

i miss your
warm embrace
without you
i am cold
because its
you who
kept me warm

scarred hands
grip the pencils
while tears trickle
down my cheeks
and wet the paper
my slanted eyes
are blind with
the tears i've cried
darling, you made
my heart bleed

the tears keep falling
sometimes i don't
even know why
i just keep on crying
i weep sometimes
and cry until i can't
sadness always hurts

sometimes i regret
that i ever fell
in love with you
but then i realize
i am grateful for
the time i had to
spend with you
and for the painful
memories i have made

they help me
spill out my
emotions
with pen
and paper
in hand
fingers
grasping ink pens
wounded heart
no longer bleeding
but left to heal
from its pain
and wounds
and at night
when thoughts
come to mind
notebooks
pour out the
words from
my heart

i keep crying
my eyes sting
from the salt
no i don't cut
anymore
but i cry
i cry
bitter tears
all of them
i cried for you

why did you
leave me all
alone?
you've gone
away without
even saying bye
how could you?
but, never mind
it doesn't matter
i'll secretly miss
you dearly though
and love you with
all of my heart

did you know
that i cry to sleep
huddled in the corner
of my bedroom
thinking of you
each and every night
hoping you're okay?
i guess you don't
love me anymore
time flies by quickly
and i guess its hard
to get over the shock
of knowing that you
don't love me anymore
at lunch break in school
you're not there
you're across the room
sitting beside her
laughing and smiling
all the while
i'm sitting alone
crying
every time i sit on the bus
i am alone
you're not sitting there
my sister is
because you're sitting beside
that girlfriend of yours
will i ever get over the shock
of this horrible nightmare?
is this just some bad dream?
i pray each night
that this is not reality
you were
the only friend i had
and so now i'm alone
crying alone
in the corner of my bedroom
because i am now alone

you broke my wings
and stole my voice
you made me stiff
and ever so cold
the light in my
once happy eyes
has faded
and now my eyes
are hollow and dark
my skin is yellowed
by the teeth of time
feelings dark
and sickening
you were mean
to have left me, baby
now i have no one
and i'm left alone
with these sad
dark thoughts
darling, you
broke my wings

i like it
even though i
get bullied on
and called names
because i want to learn
and i am always learning
new things at school
school is also for
making mistakes
and i make
plenty of them
because we
can learn
from our
mistakes what
to do better

today when i
went to the library
with my older sister
i was thinking of you
thinking of how you
said you loved me
i remembered how
i used to come here
and text you or talk
to you on my cell
but now you moved away
and i cannot reach you
on the phone
when i text you
you never reply
and so i am going
through the hardest pain
of missing you

i found
the bottle of
sweet cologne
that you used
to wear
and i realize
that
*i miss you

the smile
that i daily try
to plaster on my face
isn't genuine
it's done out of pain
i force myself
to appear to others
like everything's okay
even when it's not

why did you
go away?
why did you
ignore me before
you moved?
why don't you
text me?
i'm all alone
and need a friend

to see you again
would be both
sad and happy
it would remind me
of what i couldn't have
i don't think
i'd even want
to see you again
it would be too painful
for me
and i know
i'd end up in tears
because right now
i'm crying
just thinking about it
no, i don't want
to see you again
ever

today i slid up
and fell down
i twisted my ankle
all you did was laugh at me
no one offered to help me up
they just stared and pointed
and laughed
as if it was a game
today i fell
and i wish i could've
become invisible
or just
disappeared

tonight i think
i'll just fall asleep
thinking of you
and let your voice
blend into my dreams
i miss you, darling

they fill my cheeks
and sting my slanted eyes
they wet my ebony black hair
and are left to dry in my eyelashes
today i cried because i was thinking of you

sadness and heartache
we can both relate
pain and blood
we both feel
the coldness
swallows us whole
broken mirrors
reflect a
brokenhearted soul
a person crying
for help night and day
there's no one
to release this
never ending pain
no escape
you feel trapped inside
as time stands still
nothing will
ever be the same

my eyes are red from
all the tears i've cried
my wrists are red
but healing with time
the wounds on my heart
are fresh and raw
and that'll probably
be the only part of me
that may not ever heal

life is hard
and cruel
life has
bitten my hand
worse than that
it has broken
my heart

hands clutching
pencils with
a firm grip
bent over my
black notebook
and suddenly
i find myself
thinking about you
and i cannot help
but cry right now
the tears keep falling
but i brush them away
and try my very best
not to show my
inner struggle
my battle of pain

i like to read
in me and
my sister's
bedroom
sitting on my
pink fuzzy rug
cross-legged
i like to read
i hope
you do too

sometimes
i just wish
you'd simply
love me again
but i guess it
won't ever
happen
it's too
late

i couldn't concentrate
my mind kept wandering
i was thinking of you
and how you like her
i saw you sitting beside her
holding hands and talking
laughing and smiling
i had to leave the room
it was suffocating me
you like her not me
that was obvious
but i remember how
we used to be
the best of friends
everyone admired
the love we shared
it was almost too
good to be true
but now
your ignoring me
when i came up to you
and said hello
you acted as though
i wasn't even there
and when i tried to
talk with your girlfriend
she said for me to go away
i calmly walked away
tears fell down my cheeks
i felt as though i had been
slapped across the face
like my parents do to me
when they get angry
and that is why
you see me
crying alone

finally home
from school
such a relief
to be away from
those mean girls
and boys
who forever
pick upon me
just because
i am different

you left me
pushed me
out of your way
you left me
and me weep
i cried and cried
and you didn't
even care about it
you never came back
just to comfort me
and to tell me it's okay
just go away
i don't care either
even though
i secretly do care
just go away
and leave me alone
since that is what you want
i loved you
but you didn't love me back
it doesn't matter to you
but it matters to me
just go away please
goodbye, my love

i have always
been lonely
i need no one
pain holds me
in its dark embrace
once more
go away
just leave me alone
i have cried
every tear
just for you
and now you
don't care anymore
leave me alone

i love to write
i love to write novels
and let my
fingers
type
letter, words,
sentences,
pages-- a whole book
i love to write
poetry and
fiction

the lights grew
dimmer and
the room went
dark
but the
picture of
you glowed

when you left
you left me all alone
because every from
my real life
doesn't care
they never
understand
never offer support
i have no shoulder
to cry on
you were my only shoulder
but i had no reason
to cry when you
were here
it was only when you left
that i felt alone
betrayed
and depressed
goodbye, my love

how come no matter
how hard i try
the pain never
goes away?

you said
you loved me
you lied
i should have
known it wasn’t true
i should have known
better than to believe
your ugly lies
it’s all over now
just leave me alone!

they lace my arms
from where i used to cut
my wrists with a steel blade
just recently
because i was thinking of you
and my heart is so scarred
it is broken
and it will never heal

the wounds
you left
in my scarred
heart are greater
than the scars
i wear on
my wrists
i'm feeling
so depressed
because you're
miles away
and i'm sitting
here all alone

you don't
care anyway
so what's
the point in living?
since you're not here
you wouldn't even know
or care to know
if i died
so what is the point
in even trying to live?

that piece of music
reminds me of you
whenever i play it
i don't think
you'll ever
come back to me
so i'll never
be able
to listen to
that song with you
so i guess
i'll stop
listening to it