Trying to think
Or figure
Some niche
Of mine
Where I go
Or belong
Last words
Only linger
As whispered thoughts
Of yesterday
But tonight
One hopes
For more

When I think about you
What you can do to me
How I can please you
Where we can touch
Who we can become

Now is the time
Sink into me
Resting at your feet
Here into each other
We become addiction

Where does this desire belong?
Carnality of Casual
Visual or Charitable
Is there a long-term Resilience
or just an entertainment
Awaiting Constancy
Itching to disturb
The gentle balance
Yet the temptation is Resisted
Holding back while
Craving the Reveal
hesitations on each side
solitude continues
distance remains
placation or Trust
All that is Required
is More, HA!

It won’t ever be the same.
You have this planned all out,
in your mind.
But it won’t happen that way.
Because, I already decided.

You had some perfect timescale.
To fit your purposes…
**** that!
Do you know me at all?

Your pattern,
became an egocentric journey.
I don’t want to watch it anymore.

Do you?
Is it inevitable?
Question the question-maker
Ideas are flittering
or did you fumble that reach

Not.Even.About.You.
(i mean me)
‘Twas
one of these nights
Maybe that dream
Moved into the day

Equal parts
not really
On the scale of...
Delusion
Grandeur
Megalomania
what’s that
you are struggling
Seeing anew or a new
Perspective
Is it a sure thing
Are you?
am i?

I  am afraid of losing you
Because time passes
A few days, then weeks
of nothing
Then that one time
Of months…

And when that Fear
seeps in
Grassy plains cover my eyes
As I think/know
You are on the other side
Of the valley
Or deep in the Everglades

Would or Could there be
A reunion
Maybe some kind of
First Communion
A sweet & salty
collaboration
That might sate  
That verdant fever

Until then . . .

Flashes
Scrolling through the mind feed
One, two, three…Ten
But that face
Settled into the halls
Took a stroll
Right down my lane
Time for another
Purge

wait until the waiting stops
find your meaning
of words or curds
possible action/reaction
see the *******
then listen to your guts
not about this One
or even that
ask for the answer
is silence golden
just another excuse
perhaps all the meaning
is in between the noise

When it happens
I’ll be waiting
For that glint
At the Start line

wish I could share

with one or two

but that won’t do

would take a miracle

to explain
understand
and refrain

From just letting it all break free

getting the block

Would you please?

**** it all
I really hate this song
Makes me all teary

The most cheesiest song

And I love it
Gives me hope

I hear it...

and your ******* face
pops into my head

Yeah, that was a first

******

Served up
Like a *****
To her custom
Errrrrrrr
Which way
Up and sideways
Give me more
**** your *****
Is it your hand
A bore
A chore
Your *****
Not at all
A salty silver poison
Balance that
*******
Healing
Or peeling
Choose
Your Own
Adventure

You snooze
You lose
Fest ~ of all
the bore ring
Around the Collar
Me A-muse-D.

Patterns
Of time
Like 3 days
Or two weeks
Perhaps every six months
Or only on a Tuesday
Because it’s their day off
Every cycle
Of the moon
Fully new or sliced
28 days
A 2 by fortnight
Is it the yearly exchange
Perhaps the hourly check in
Seconds go by
And I wait
For the next
Time

and suddenly
i can breathe again
tasked and *******
restricted in time
but you
eased that ache
one i didn’t know
was there

Spills out
As I try to
Grab onto

strings, straws
threads

Maintain Balance
ShowNoFear

as

i slowly
disintegrate
inside

over time
those feelings

You know the ones

warm, tingly, sentiments
those tiny titillations
of torture
they can grow

You know how

deeper and stronger
like a thunderbolt
right into your soul
singing a sigh of

‘Oh **** this is happening’

at the same time
converse is true

Feelings Fade.

I feel like I have a thousand words to say and no one to say them to

It’s why I sometimes post them out here on the ether

Maybe someone will want to hear them

It had dissipated.
To tiny dots.
Until...

one day
it was about persuasion
that thing that ponders
or entices your mind

Come Hither
My Sweet
Saccharine
Succubus

looking toward the call
of fluffernutter folly
it was inevitable

Truly The Thoughts
‘Twere Thwarted
‘Til

... the lowly lurker
lay waste
onto the ether
of Madness

My feet tread endlessly
Searching for the truthful path
Needing somewhere to obtain peace
Finding a direction

These shoes are confining
There is no comfort until removal
But my footprints seem obvious
And I think I’m lost

I yearn for help
Others that might boost my endurance
There must be a path that matches mine
Prints that would hide my own

Turning, twisting my toes along
Some agile and then slow swaggering
Take me to directionless ends
Could my turn be now?

My soles are weary
I trek along
Wanting quiet oblivion
My heels will rest soon

These steps only know the next one
Only one moment to the next
Never a direct line
Never a distinct direction

Yet I feel strength in my stride again
Taking a step, a turn, a twist of my own
Tomorrow is today
The journey always beginning

Because I moved

Bored
Out of mind
Sitting here in masks
Trying to check out
Without checking in
Eye contact
Evade
Waiting
Watching
Listening

Stimulate
The mind
Body
Soul
Reach in
Throughout
Caress
Tickle a thought
Lick and nudge
Find the thread
Twist and tweak
Enchant
Whispered
Temptations
Reel in
Penetrate
This body
My mind
and Soul

Why do I see
the trails
the ways
There is the path
taken and trampled
It was obvious
markers left
debris strewn
crumbs cast about
I knew that destination
before I started
was wild for a time
Would I go that same way
if I had to do it over?
Do I risk my pride twofold?
patterns again
revealed
and I see
Again

I’ve wanted to hide all day
Run away from emotion
I thought about his arms
How they hold me down
Or hold me up
Both are what I need
Surrounding me
Yet, they are for another
Only mine for a time
Then I thought of a laugh
Belonging to someone
Who was equal parts funny and sad
Made me want to bring him
To hide with me
So I could help him heal
Later I read something
Made me think of what if’s
How I was lucky
Though I didn’t think so
At the time
For revelations hold truth
And there was only empty
Behind the fancy wrapped words
Then I thought of all the ones
Who are mine but not
That gave glimpses
And then removed
I sigh at those thoughts
This is what I want to hide from
The emotion
The pain
The yearning
And the thoughts

What did you lose?
Your mind
Your heart
Your soul
Perhaps the pride
Ready for a fall?
It’s a trip
Into the maze
Finding oneself
Were you mistaken?
For a maiden
Or a fool
Then the king
Did you find it?
The missing
The pieces
The peace

too much Silence
Cages me in
absent Sound
is like a blaring horn
which obscures
that voice i want
in my h(ear)t
those wanton words
that Choose me
to let Go

That numb feeling
Of not caring anymore
It scours the eyes
Not seeing past the scratches
Preoccupied by the dull ache
Sensing it more than experience
Trying to spark an ignition
That melts in the ice
Another chance
Maybe not
Lost again
In my mundanity

and once again
the need
to hide in my corner
as once again
you brought out my heart
and we dallied about
yet you don’t care
for this possible dance
same as before
it’s straight to the point

and i’m a trustworthy soul
or so you have said
but not enough
to even have as a friend
the ship we could be
is still at the dock
could we untie the rope
and the knots we made
or just continue
same as before
once again

I’m frozen
With words at my feet
And a crushed heart

I’m still
With your nightly goodbyes
And good morning hellos

I’m waiting
With impatient dreams
And a racing mind

I’m ready
With a willing spirit
And a conquering soul

If you asked
I would say yes
Because
You’ve never asked
And if you told me
I would do it
Because you never have
If you searched
You would find me
But you didn’t look

You are Living Life of
The Home Town Buffet
keeping me on this Tether
but so Far Away

do You know
what You Want/Need
I would give You
Everything and my Creed

just ask Me or Tell
what You Feel/Think
please give Me something
before I shrink

so, Pay Attention
or Reach Out
I’m Tired of The Chase
All I have is Doubt

or just let Me go
And Change/Cut those Threads
I am barely Hanging On
to things that You said

or is it Nonsense
do I need to move on
I am Hungry/Thirsty
would You notice Me Gone

I want to reveal
everything
but I am scared
scared of rejection
and you do reject me
many ******* times
disregarding me

if I was a thing
you would be on that!
all the time
I am an afterthought
and I hate it
I feel lame and unwanted
a bother
yet I keep reaching out
in this way and that
I am sure there are more
as I am a meanwhile

do you realize
or care
you are looking for
something that
you do not even know
what it is
it is not me
I accept that
it kills
every time
because
you are right
here

I must be boring
and too fat
and not pretty enough
whatever
I ******* up
somewhere
the failure and the holes
where are they
does it matter
we say goodbye
and it kills
and it will pass
they will not care
and I am an idiot
always an idiot
a failure
an ugly fat stupid woman
terrible

they are occupied
so are they and them
and so on
the others have theirs
it goes on and on
I do what now
I can not do anything

I tried to reveal a bit
to one other
they told me to stop
yet I let them carry on about theirs
do they not know
they are beautiful
charming and funny
one I could fall in love with
one I could share with
but they love a fantasy
and will not see anything else

these ones who say I am amazing
I am not amazing enough
I just am not
because
otherwise
it is always otherwise

but I learn
learn from the sting
you know that sting
HA! that ******* sting
it is right now
so I stop
and I leave
and I bury myself
again and again

I rearranged my mind yesterday
I moved people out
I changed a few locks
I put one in a room
And another in a closet
I opened up some space
To grow some flowers and trees
I asked for help
Hired new staff
My kitchen was a mess
I need a new chef
And though I was sad
Emotional and in pain
There was a sense of peace
That some right moves were made
The skies began to clear
I heard laughter in my halls
And though the bandit tried to sneak back in
He is but a flimsy flicker
Easily blown out
As I start another day

I continue on
Through the mire of life
Wading thru expectations
Having given up strife

Purposely composing
Fundamentals of words
No other distance
When facing the herds

I continue on
With your verse on my tongue
Waiting for stimulations
In a song that’s unsung

I can’t think about the **** ton of yesterdays
Or the half baked tomorrows
If I dwell on the yesteryears
Then I miss the meanwhiles
Contentment to current events
Leads to a joyous jaunt
Finding the lining is what it’s about
The it of the life journey
You know, the one we are all on

There’s a lot I can handle
Much I can take
But one thing can’t stand
And don’t tolerate

It’s when you ignore me
Because it’s a lie
A forgery in process
A system of deny

Face up to the music
Feelings and trust
Why hide from the truth
Or cover it in lust

Running from what
Yourself in the lack
Indecisive pathways
Or reasons in your sac(k)

Whatever the problem
I no longer care
Cuz ignoring is my limit
And you did dare

You don’t know
The lengths of strength
Of fortitude
Endurance
To maintain and gain
Every day of life
As I drive along my path
Steel nerves when I swerve
This bump and that hole
See what you think
But I know
My power and resilience
Where it comes
How it stays
Continuance
Should guessing remain
As frailty rules your skull
To this point
No longer care
As it’s already known
What remains
And who is the mightier

Am I reminding you that I exist?
Why do I take on that task?
I should be embedded
In your brain
In your veins
Like you are in mine

Why do I fall for the mystery?
Am I some snake charmer?
Or do I get bitten 1000 times?

Why do I feel Wrong
For feeling so much
Why should I be
Ashamed

The intensity inside me
Overwhelms and leaks
I can’t always
Contain

The world doesn’t understand
Even as I feel them
Their emotion or
Emptiness

They pour themselves
Into me and
I withstand again and
Again

Would I feel empty
Without that tether
To the emotional
Atmosphere

It’s easy to slip
Go into darkness
Hide from the world as it
Rejects

I put up walls
Just to survive
Their onslaught of
Feelings

I carry on
I crave that passion
While I detest the
Nothingness

simple as
salt
added for
flavor
but complex
sodium
or halite
growing to
cubes
in those boxes
connecting
to each other
compounding
small bonds
to larger
formations
give pillars
or a pinch
maybe dash
too much
destroy
too little
bland
just right
delight

I can easily disappear again
Into the shadows and dark
Run away to the comfort
Of my closet within

I could hide in the sight
Plain as as the pixels
To many or none
That cover your day

I would get a new name
Perhaps a new number
A figment that changes
Yet stays the same

I will not be the normative
Something used and shorn
When dancers of envy come
I walk to another room

I could disappear tonight
And maybe I should
Would you ....

I’m curious
If ....
One of these days
You
Will suddenly do that thing
The thing I want
The movement
I need
Or ....
Maybe you will give
A friendly word
Clue
Hint
Discovery
A tangible mutualization
To me
And ....
Then
I might
Be able to breath
Again
Or .... stop
Thinking so much
If ....