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Corwin Schneider Sep 2017
I want to run
From the foggy fun
But she is too much for me
I have her now
I don’t know how
Five years friends
And a feeling kept at bay for so long
One day passes as I accept a false fate
And she finally comes around.
Happy yet worried
Confused and scared
The scars are deep and i had to be wary
As the days moved on
I hear our song
And my caution slowly fades.
Our love comes strong as a blissful light
You can see a water fountain in the night
Corwin Schneider Oct 2017
When a parent has a child
They love him with care
At least that is what was supposed to happen
But instead they left him bare
Let him go without a second thought
Oh I'll take this liquid poison over them instead
How in hell is she not dead

The one who brings him in
Making him as happy as happiness can be
But you would never know.
That this child was me.

Keep it in don't tell a soul
No one cares
No one wants to know
Brought into a strange family
Away from the problems
Making a future
Given a second chance with endless possibilities

I was taken away from the sour stench
The sting of smoke in the air
I do not remember much
Except her awful touch
The feeling to the pit of my stomach
The hate deep within my soul
It was fun she said
But even today I wish she wasn't here
Take my brothers place
Bring him back
You should have been the one to go.
I hate you I yelled as I fled
I wish you were dead.

For that is cruel I know
But it is true nonetheless
For I have none of these.
No regrets
It is the truth you see
Although slightly absurd.
But in the end the truth tends to be a bit more painfulthan you want it to be
As you fall down to your knee.
Corwin Schneider Mar 2019
You claim you love me
You say you care
Yet you leave when things don't seem fair.
But it seems I am the fool
I have been used over and over like a tool
By ones I called family for so long
I try to make them smile
But its never enough
I am left in my own darkness for a while
Until I fake a grin
I fake it well
No one knows and no one cares
My sacrifice is taken for granted
I push forward still
I have always been alone
I always will.
Falling is not an option
Failing is not the choice
Standing up above them all
Holding my head up
Moving past that pesty voice
It will hurt.
It always has
For I am alone.
But it will pass.
Corwin Schneider Feb 2019
Haven't slept for days.
Staying awake for hours
Waiting for the minutes to tick by.
What more can I do until I die.
I work and work
I fake the smiles
I run for miles
I do this sober
When will all this be over.
I can't take this anymore.
I want it to end
Yet my back will always bend
For those I hold dear
I will hold back my tear.
Yet I run alone
To make sure others are smiling
I will break every bone.
I run and run for miles
I lie awake for days
I cry silently for hours
I wait for the minutes to tick on by
I truly just want to say goodbye.
Corwin Schneider Mar 2022
No one understands
as the blood drips from my back
I smile, you attack
Corwin Schneider Sep 2017
Once a young boy
Now a busy man
Always a child at heart.
Never stray
From your younger day
Let your childish side come out and play.
Let him run
Let him hide
You can never beat
The child inside.
Corwin Schneider Feb 2019
I wake up in cold sweats
Screaming your name
I messed up I know.
I miss you though
I got to the point of no return
I open my eyes with tears streaming down my face.
I wipe them away because I don't deserve to be in this place
You don't deserve this pain, I do.
I felt like I was helping and doing things right
I couldn't have been more wrong
Instead I lost sight of everything that you needed
I lost my light
And now I feel the consequences in the latest hour.
The taste in my mouth is always sour.
Corwin Schneider Jan 2022
Day by day
Night after night
my heart breaks
My mind is filled with fright
As I sit here and watch
My life crumble away
I try to catch it
But there is nothing to make it sway
I work so hard
I try and try
I guess I just played the wrong card
I fall to my knees as I cry
I beg you please
Just let me be
I just want my peace
PLEASE SET ME FREE
In the end there is nothing more to do
I sit there and watch
As I stare at my hands where my life falls through
Unable to stop it, unable to slow it down
It all breaks like clay
In the end just crumbling away
Corwin Schneider Mar 2019
Demons are here
Demons are there
they run in your head
they run till you are dead
tormenting your choices
laughing in your face
destroying things you have built
it's like you are running in place.
Corwin Schneider Dec 2021
Being away from you is suffocating
Not feeling your warmth, is heartbreaking
Working hard to come back to you
Living day by day thinking like a fool
That one day and one day soon
I will wrap you in my arms again
I lay awake at night
My mind alive running in fright
I am alone through this hell
I guess this means farewell
Maybe I will find what I need
Maybe I will be able to grow and feed
This desire to be loved and appreciated
Equal effort to be reciprocated
For now the time is not right
For me to go to the other side
I must remain here and fight
All the reasons I have cried.
Corwin Schneider Mar 2022
when the day comes to an end
my mind starts turning
going through the memories
It reminds me of the burning
the pain I experience
I endure it alone

I work until my mind breaks
I lose control it all feels fake
As my anger and sadness clash
They call me a ******
they say I am a threat
the cycle keeps going
relentless and never ending

I put on a brave smile to face the day
But I know that at sunset
I will pay
I got your back they say
You aren't alone
But the lord knows those words are empty
As my pleas fall to deaf ears
my cries are filled with silent tears
I look up at the sky and wonder
when will it end
Corwin Schneider Feb 2019
February
The month of love, forgiveness and joy.
Yet it is treated like a toy
breakups happen the most around this time
divorce papers, broken hearts and children begging for a sign.
Corwin Schneider Feb 2019
The ones you thought were the closest to you, are now strangers.
The ones you fell in love with years ago
now see you for the problem you have had since you were a child.
they see the anger, the hate, the pain.
It has been driving you insane.
you try to hide behind a fake smile as pictures burn through your head of the memories you made through the 5 years
the fights that led to this. the memories that brought you back
the love that holds those memories so close to your heart. It hurts to know you threw all of it away because you were blind with love that you didn't realize it became somewhat of an obsession. didn't realize you were suffocating her until it was too late. and now there is no healing from this. there is no getting her back. you ******* up so badly you are now a regret to her. All you are to her is a lost memory, the pain drove her to call you insane, obsessed, sick, psychotic, disgusting, and the list goes on. Some of those may be right, others, may see them as wrong. All I know is i hurt the one i loved, and there is nothing more I can to to bring her back to my side.
Corwin Schneider May 2018
The effort and strain to keep it locked inside
It hurts like hell if you cannot tell
A smile in pain
While my heart is flooding in the rain
Don't look. Don't tell
Keep this all to myself.
My heart beats faster as i hear them yelling and screaming in my face
My mind goes faster and faster.
But I cannot show anyone my pace.
Smile. Fake a smile
Corwin Schneider Feb 2019
When you said you loved me.
I believed it.
But My demons screamed it was a mistake.
once she saw a bit of who I truly am
she would run and hide away
I saw your demons, I accepted them with open arms.
But I knew the day would come
where you saw the worst one
and that is where we part.
I hate to admit this ***
but I saw this all playing out from day one.
That is why I was hesitant to say yes
I knew they would be too much
goodbye to all the rest.

I want you to come back
I want to feel your warmth
But if you want to feel mine
Can my demons come inside?
I will keep them at bay
until my final day.
Corwin Schneider Sep 2017
Ever wonder where names evolved?
What we were, what problems solved
Ever wonder what came to be
What made man look up to see
All the stars so bright
Everything glowing in the night

Why the sea
Why the sky
Oh do you wonder
Why call it a tree?

An animal so wild and free
But then a child
Born to be king of everything
The Queen and the Knight
come to see the never ending fight
What's the name
Why the name
Never know the ending game
Corwin Schneider Feb 2019
Wake up
eat
work
sleep
one two repeat
Same thing every day makes me feel like a robot
Is this what our future generations are taught?
I can't help but think our system is broken
Can we try to fix it?
that requires thought and ideas and then,
Well, that is when our world becomes peaceful
Our kids get smarter
we stay together and work out with our partner
This becomes the day when one two repeat
becomes one two step to a different beat
wake up
eat
think
create
One two this is check mate
To the Government I think??
Corwin Schneider Dec 2021
I don't really have anyone to go to anymore.. My feelings are locked up my heart is sore.
I don't feel heard. My mind is in a constant swirl.
I feel hurt and alone.
It aches down to my bones.
My pain. My voice. My soul. I wish I could make it stop.
Make it stop. Put a bullet through my brain to make the world come to an end.
Stop the pain. Life is a pain. Please someone help.
I beg. I plead. I feel like I am going to melt.
My insides burn my stomach churns.
I don't know what I am doing.
Stay strong. stay tough. Man up. That's rough. I feel like the end is near. I hope it's better out there. I wish you luck. You wish me mine. Cause to me? This pain is divine.
Corwin Schneider Mar 2019
Sitting at the airport
Reading, writing things of the sort
Anything to pass the time
Finally you can board the plane
Pushing and shoving to get down the lane
Get to your seat
The screaming child is by the window
Close it
Open it
Play with the tray
Kick the seat
Plug in your ear buds
As you drown in the beat
The plane starts to move
At last it's time!
The child is occupied
Thrusters hit full power
Lurching forward, forced into your seat
Faster and faster and then
Liftoff
As you leave the ground
Your stomach turns to goo
Faster your heart starts to race
Yet mile after mile
You can't help but smile
Corwin Schneider Apr 2022
I watch as you run astray
With a close friend you dance away
The laugh and smile I once knew
Is no longer shining for it has gone blue
What can I do to bring you back
I am getting weaker with each attack
To pull the trigger is what I yearn for
Yet I can't find the power to walk through that door
My tears are silent as I look in the mirror
A monster
A ******
all I see is a worthless banner
Make it end
I am eager
Just please allow me to pull the trigger
Run
Corwin Schneider Feb 2019
Run
Fake the smiles
Run the miles
Keep it all locked away
I am broken deep inside
Yet I can't let the tears slide
I'm not in the right place
Hide my pace
No one needs to know my pain.
I scream I run I fall to my knees
I can feel my heart stings strain
Corwin Schneider Feb 2019
Where do I go when things get tough
Who do I turn to when situations turn rough
When I fall, What do I do
When my heart cracks
does it crack in two?
Or does it slowly disintegrate
My mind flies through a million thoughts
I can't seem to concentrate
As I try to pull through with what I was taught
I try to find love and joy
But I become broken like a toy.
Corwin Schneider Mar 2022
The pain is there
no doubt about it
You can't stop now
you must endure it
Numb it away
you can't afford to quit
you can't find balance?
suffer in silence

I will try
I will fail
You will laugh
I will prevail
you ask me how
I suffer in silence

he gets up for the day
you call him lazy and he needs to pay
In the end you will leave
no one to turn to
no one to call
in the end he will suffer in silence

bills are due
work work work
mentally exhausted
on the verge of breaking
I need time to heal
but that requires my absence
that will not do
suffer in silence

I need to cry
I need to vent
they say I am the bad guy
they don't know what I do
I work my *** off
that much is true
I take the blame
I walk away
I shut my mouth
I sit and obey
The moment I speak
they run away from me
this is why I suffer in silence
Corwin Schneider Sep 2017
In the shadow of a cold night
A small child plays in the dim light
Under the ground of the rainy skies
As a red balloon floats by
The boy will soon fly
He sees the stranger in the drain
He is confused, curious.
For this he shall die
The fear of a clown
Pennywise

He feeds off fear
For he loves you my dear
But do not be mistaken
IT is your soul he has taken
Do not run
He wants to have fun
Do you want a balloon?
Red as the moon?
If you take the string
Say your goodbyes
IT is the fear of a clown
Pennywise

In the end you may see
IT is not that scary
The crazy clown might not be that bad
Maybe he was just really sad
You see he had a virus
A bug
All he needed was a simple hug

But when he was rejected
He became consumed
Filled with hatred
Every twenty seven years pass
All soon will be doomed
He was afraid
So he feeds off it now
When you see IT drift by
He ends it with a bow
In the end he dies
See you again
Pennywise
Corwin Schneider Sep 2017
In the end a final dance is given
For the time spent in this life
Then all goes barren
A bouquet of flowers
A picture to see
The face of one who used to be
A teardrop hits the ground along with the misery.

Do not fear as life goes on
All this hell will be gone
For the light will show
That in the end a final dance must be thrown

The life one lives
The death one gives
Is the most beautiful dance of all
Beginning to end
All the lives to live
All the joys to bring
Smiles to share
Laughs to hear
The ending is the hardest my dear
Once they are gone
Do not fear
For they are dancing in the happiest tone.
Never forget.
Always forgive.
For you never know
When the final dance will be yours to give.
Corwin Schneider May 2018
I wonder everyday the time
As I stare at this broken clock
To fix this broken tick
To make it tock.
Corwin Schneider May 2018
The moment I break in sorrow
She turns to leave
I try to follow
Insanity hits with no mercy to spare
I feel like a lost puppy
And abandoned doe
There is nothing to do but let time pass
For time heals everything
Corwin Schneider May 2018
When I wake up and she isn't next to me
I dream of the day when she will be
Receive a text
Send one too
Oh how badly I crave you
On my way to see her today
So in love no words to descibe
Every memory shared
All the arguments spared
I hope that you
Crave me too
When I am with you
My heart races
I can't keep count
So many places
Your arms embracing me in a hug
From a long night away from one another
Leads to conversation and what to do about her brother
Your smile alone
Sends warmth to my bone
Your glare your stare
Take my throne
I can't help falling into the abyss of love
And to see that I have the one I dreamed of.
Crazy how five years can fly
When you were the only one to stay
And not say goodbye
Now I wonder
How much longer
Until the day we don't have to go
I won't have to leave you alone
Instead to go to bed
say goodnight
kiss your lips
sweet dreams. and hold your hips
To feel your warmth next to mine.
know you are safe
know you are sound
Then in the morning to see you smile
Rise and shine let's start the day
But instead forget why we got out of bed
Seeing your smile at first light.
To wake up next to you knowing your were there in the night
Corwin Schneider Feb 2019
This is for two
Two people I barely knew
you left this world the same way
a belt and your feet hanging
You wanted to be free
but you actions left us to pay
You left after a friendly fight smiling
6 years after my birth you left us alone
you were my brother
you were my friend
yet the poison of this world
you needed it to end
seeking life you grasped in deaths kiss
A year later you are gone
before we got the chance to bond
Corwin Schneider Sep 2017
The stars so bright above
Compare nothing to my love
For the person I hold most dear
I will shed a million tears
Corwin Schneider Mar 2019
One word of hate
will taint the slate
keep your mouth clean
bite your tongue
for you know not what they have seen.
One bitter action could tip their scale
It may be the final battle
this time they won't have the strength to bail
Corwin Schneider Sep 2017
It was small at first
Kind of dim
The hope was beginning to grow
But as the time flew by
you finally realize
If you don't act now
You will have lost the chance
To be her final dance.
Corwin Schneider Mar 2019
You are gone
but not forgotten
you left me battered and broken
I barely knew you
yet you are constantly on my mind
not a day goes by
where the pain hits and my teeth grind
I don't miss you
because you have always been a who
I wish you would have stayed
But you hurt us all when you left
I was hurt but so were they
they were your friends
they walked their hell
they loved you more
they knew you well.
I missed that chance
after you fell.
dangling down with your final dance.
Corwin Schneider Mar 2019
You were there for me
when I felt alone
you always have been and I hope you always will be
I have messed up
But I will atone
You were there in my darkest times
you were there when no one was
And I thank you with these rhymes
I love you, I know it is hard to see
that you are so very special to me.
In the future
it will become clear
that you are my world
You are the one I hold most dear
We have been through so much
I keep moving forward thanks to your touch
I can't always communicate
I wish I could elaborate
Through my anger
I will fight
I promise it will get better
because you were always there for me.
although we have been through hell
we were meant to be and time will tell
I hope you see it too
that I am always here for you.
For the love of my life
for the one I will eventually call my wife

— The End —