LIFE AS I KNOW IT

I was born not knowing what tragedy my life would see
At first things seemed just as pleasant as they could be
But something was wrong-I could feel it deep inside
As the years went by, all I wanted to do was run and hide

My mom left me when I was nearly five years old
Her death really traumatized me if the truth be told
I saw her lying in her bedroom dead on the floor
Taking her own life; I couldn’t handle it anymore

I withdrew for my own safety into a shell
My life had just become a living Hell
We were never to bring her up anymore
It was as though she never was-it hurt me to the core

My sister Sue decided she couldn’t cope
She turned to liquor and pills for some kind of hope
Tragically, she died at forty three from the work of her own hands
It was more tragedy and sadness than I could truly stand

Not more than two years later-the month being the same
My brother Mike starved himself to death-what a shame
He had so much to live for if he would have opened his eyes
It was so **** difficult for me to say my final goodbyes

So, you see, my life is far from what it used to be
My heart and soul ache as I pray on bended knee
God, please watch over me as I continue down my road
Help me to move forward as I carry this very heavy load!

SABLE

She came to us needing a new home
A stray that was tired of being on the roam
She was hesitant at first to get very near
But in time she got over this fear

It started with her following Misty and I
She’d walk behind us keeping a close eye
Everywhere Misty and I went she was there
They really made quite an interesting pair

She’d get closer and closer as days went by
I wish she’d let me pet her I would sigh
Then one day she let down her guard
For her to do so must have been hard

As I went to touch her she started to purr
It was her way of thanking me-you kind sir
From that moment on she became a true friend
I knew I’d take care of her until the very end

Her coat and color made Sable the perfect name
With lots of love and reassurance she became quite tame
She will forever be a part of our family for years to come
She will never have to worry again about being lonesome

MOM

Where have my memories gone?
We were out playing on the lawn.
I struggle for any memory other than that day.
Nothing comes to me except them wheeling you away.

There you were lying dead on the floor.
We could see you through the glass in the door.
We thought you were sleeping and fell off the bed.
It never occurred to us that you were dead.

Why did you leave us all alone Mom?
That morning everything seemed so calm.
There are so many questions I want to ask of you.
You were erased from our memories as far as everyone knew.

What would you say was your favorite food?
What kind of music would calm your mood?
What was your favorite color or even your favorite flower?
Which Bible verse had the most power?

What color was your natural hair?
Would you have fun and take a dare?
What color were your beautiful eyes?
What were your favorite things to buy?

The list of questions I have goes on and on.
They run through my mind from night until dawn.
I wish I could come up with a memory of you.
Other than seeing you dead, and being wheeled away, too.

Why did you abandon us on that July 4th day?
Leaving us with Dad thinking we’d be okay.
You mentioned you were despondent and hated who you’d become.
Without the comfort of your touch-we had all become lonesome.

Oh, what I would give to have you here today.
So much has happened and there is so much I want to say.
It’s been a lonely, rough life for me if you only knew.
I wish I could give you a great big hug and say I love you!

Please watch over me from above.
All I want is to feel your love.
Keep me close and in your heart.
No one will ever again keep us apart!

LIFE IS A STAGE

I sure don’t want to live anymore
It’s the anxiety I abhor
No one does anything right
All I want to do is fight

My brain will not allow mistakes made by me
I explode when others make them; let me be
No matter how hard I try to stay calm
An explosion takes place just like a bomb

My nerves take over as my head starts to ache
Just how much more should I have to take?
There is no grey as it is all black and white
Any other color and it’s out of sight

Right is right and wrong is wrong; that is so clear
Is it really the mistakes I seem to fear?
Life has got to bend unlike that mighty oak
Staying way too rigid I am bound to croak

My brain seems to know what the choices are
I am scared my own death is not too far
I am lonely, anxious and so tired of the rage
In order for me to change, I need a new stage

BLACK CLOUD

It follows me everywhere I go
When I take a step it always knows
I look over my shoulder as I walk
It glides above me just like a hawk

Bad things happen all the time
I wish for once things could be fine
It’s as though it always waits for me
Watch closely for it and you will see

I miss the curb and stumble and fall
I scrape my knee on the nearby wall
I wash my face forgetting my glasses are on
The money I was saving seems to be gone

I got up this morning hoping for change
But realize immediately something is strange
There’s blood on my pillow from a bleeding nose
Why it  decided to bleed today I sure don’t know

It all has to be because of just one thing
A black cloud follows me as though it has wings
I run away from it  as fast as my feet will go
I try to escape it - but looking up I see it’s still in tow

BIRD SORROW

I find a bird that cannot fly
His mother nearby asking why
The back and forth chirping is so loud
As it echoes off the high flying clouds

A cat has injured the poor bird’s wing
It can no longer perch in the trees to sing
Trying as hard as he can to fly away
He realizes he is on land to forever stay

Mom keeps chirping and staying by his side
She wishes she, herself, could give him a ride
It’s so sad to watch the two of them cry
As he keeps jumping up trying to fly

His life has been shortened I’m sad to say
All I can do is move him and watch him lay
Tears come to my eyes as I watch him try
Knowing for certain he will never be able to fly

Mother Nature must now take her course
I cannot interfere with Her powerful force
God, please watch over this little bird’s life
Reach down and grab him taking away his strife

THE GRANITE MOUNTAIN HOT SHOTS

They are willing to sacrifice their lives for others
Each one having worried mothers, fathers and lovers
They all know the risks that come with their jobs
Yet, go out anyway to protect the country’s mobs

It was said a lightning strike started the fire
So said the call that came across the wire
Yarnell was where the Hot Shots were called to go
The fire was building strength-come on let’s go

All twenty of the men raced to the scene of the fire
Not giving it a second thought-the fire looked dire
One man would stay behind and watch their backs
So the other nineteen men could begin their attack

They fought the fire the best they could
There was a sudden wind change-that’s no good
They scrambled about to get to safer ground
Away from the fire’s center they were bound

They didn’t make it out of the fire-that we know
It came at them so fast they had nowhere to go
They all died that day doing what they do best
Protecting lives of others, so minds could be at rest

Prescott lost nineteen heroes on that dreadful day
Memorials were built where roses would lay
Honoring the lives of the Granite Mountain Hot Shots was Prescott’s way
Never to forget the nineteen heroes lost to Heaven on that fire laden day!