In the dream, there was a pit in the middle of  the floor of a pitch black, empty room with peeling wallpaper of an indistinguishable color or pattern; charred fragments of paper floated on the hot air.

The pit was a giant, jagged hole in the weathered and blackened floorboards surrounded by smoldering embers. If you dared to look down, you could see traces of a winding staircase seemingly made of ancient, crumbling stone and black ash. The glow from the lava below was very nearly choked out by the ever-present black smoke that covered the walls and the floor...it filled the air in forked black ribbons.

I stared, terrified as my body hovered over the hole as if by some demonic, magical force that kept me suspended in the air about a foot above the floor. I wore nothing but a *****, tattered white gown, turned grey from the soot.

Barefoot and scarred, sunken eyes and a tangled, black mess of hair that met my ****** fingertips. I could literally feel my broken soul and my broken heart. They felt like brittle bones.

I was hovering over a pit of lost reason and lost purpose. I was ready to dive right in.

everything is so great and so perfect, until it isn't.

"Drained by the anger and grief
Fazed by the envy and greed
The secret cries for a release
The lucidity hidden deep in sweet pandemonium..."
- Ville Hermanni Valo, H.I.M.

strings of stars
delicate bones
the length of her locks
kept her chained and at home
trapped in a tower
of silence and stone

tendrils of fantasy
once drew him to her
now cut short with defiance
and wicked laughter
here now is the truth
not the vision you held tight
cruel thorns pierced my heart
and blinded your sight

the innocence of fantasy
long lost in the dark
blonde locks stained black
and scars where there were sparks
think twice the next time
you wish a savior would come
a better way to save yourself
would be to use your legs
and run

"I taste death in every kiss we share
Every sundown seems to be the last we have
Your breath on my skin has the scent of our end
I'm drunk on your tears baby can't you see it's hurting

Every time we touch we get closer to heaven
And at every sunrise our sins are forgiven
You on my skin this must be the end
The only way you can love me is to hurt me again
And again
And again
And again..."
- Ville Hermanni Valo, H.I.M.

I've loved you for 22 years.
You're tattooed into my skin.
You put a black diamond on my ring finger.
And last night,
although you're still alive and breathing,
although I love you more than life,
I became a widow.

I'll never remove this ring.
I'll never remove my R tattoo.
And I'll never be the same.

Love lied to me
About the beauty and the ecstasy
Looked me straight in the eyes and lied,
Now I sit vacant and red-eyed as I watch my heart die inside
Wondering where it all went awry
Love lied straight to my face
Stole away in the night without a trace
Abducted
Left me with nothing but nothingness in its place

In between the raindrops
In the cracks where the ceiling stops
The lost hours that connected the night to the day
Dragged kicking and screaming back to the start
So many unfamiliar faces
Unwelcoming, unyielding traces
All of the off-limits places
I will never, ever let go of
the empty spaces you fill in my heart

Visions of a better life
A better day
A better love without decay
Room to breathe
Soothing relief
Renewed belief
Something to cure this pain
A magic pill or a drink
Time to think
To see clearly what's beyond
The dreary walls
The haunted halls
Cleanse my mind
of the memories
Something to help me, please

Aren't you tired of "getting through it" again and again?