I miss the honeyed balm of poetry,
the melodic rhythm of words
skipping gracefully in my mind,
making a home on the tips of my lashes and kissing my fingertips with reverence

the pine boughs and dewdrops and shafts of sunlight which scatter through soft, heavy grey

a home found in syllables savored by my tongue, without being carried into sound--
my lips lock their sweetness behind my teeth
to drink down the flowing sentences again,
again
again

As a species
We
Mean nothing to the universe.
Countless galaxies exist,
Stars die out,
And we crawl about on this one planet
In one solar system
In a single Galaxy
Within the ever expanding vastness
Of space.
And yet.
The pain of loss
Or a broken heart feels
As monumental as a star's final moments.
Love exists,
A force that causes our souls to swell and change,
Like the expansion of the universe.
So,
As insignificant as we are within it,
Are we not all crucial elements
In each other's universes?

When I say "I'm scared of falling in love"
What I really mean is that
I'm terrified that my shining eyes will betray people who reach
For a glittering diamond heart
And instead cut their hands on broken glass.
That they will leave me,
Thinking I am not worth being scarred for.
I am scared of people
Who will press their cookie-cutter expectations against me
And leave me trying to mold myself
Back into the girl I vaguely remember being.
When I say "I'm scared of falling in love,"
I'm saying that I am scared of imprints remaining
While memory-foam hearts forget me.
So I guess I'm not scared of falling in love,
But of what will happen when I hit the ground...
Of inevitable pain.

Sometimes
I want to be loved.
I want to be held,
Secure in arms I can trust in.
Understood
By someone unafraid to leap
Off the diving board into the deep
Mess of my thoughts.
Gazed at
By eyes that can't get enough of me,
That memorize every detail.
Heard
By ears that register my laugh
As the sweetest song they've heard.

I want
To be loved
Sometimes.

God. How am I still not okay?

God. It's been so long.

God. I'm so tired of life right now.

God. What happened to me?

I was such a nice kid.
I was calm all the time.
Mature for my age,
Little but so lively.

I was so helpful.
So loyal.
I always supported my trust.
But I never really spoke my mind.

I was shy.
I was small.
I never stood up for my feelings
I never stood up for myself.

And now I'm older.
I realize I don't need support.
I need myself.
I need confidence.

Speaking your mind is not wrong.
Standing up for your feelings isn't rude.
Standing up for yourself isn't mean.
Saying what you feel doesn't make you imperfect.

No one's perfect. Not even them.
The ones you hate for being so amazing.
Maybe she has anxiety.
Maybe his mom is alcoholic.

No one has a perfect life.
There's not one perfect family in the world.
There is not a person in the world who's perfect.
There's not a person who doesn't have one bit of strife.

But just because you aren't perfect.
Doesn't make you less worth it.
You're amazing.
You're still charming, kind, and strong.

You're just more experienced.
You just understand some more things now.

And maybe, just maybe,
You just aren't as shy anymore.