After you left me
I let a dog smell at
My chest and my belly. It will fill its nose
And set out to find you.

I hope it will tear the
Testicles of your lover and bite off his *****
Or at least
Will bring me your stockings between his teeth.

You think you can erase me. You think throwing my glass to the ground will remove my lip stick stains. You think your brain, like rocks, will become smooth if you lay in the gentle waves of a new lover. You think your fingers will lose my prints if you burn them long enough on the fire of your newfound passion.
You think her smell will cloud over mine. You think you can forget I was ever around, when you hold the truth on your skin.
How could I possibly be gone from you if you'll never be gone from me? My mouth shows you to every single person I meet. They can't see you there, they can't feel you with my tongue. They don't know the chip you've left on my tooth. It's not there for them. It's mine.
You pretend I don't know your body like a map. You don't think I can trace the scars of your fingers, draw the gully of your joints, the flat plains of your chest. You don't know a thing.
I'll never be gone. You can cut me out physically all you want. But when night comes, and you're clutching her close, remember me.
Remember me then. You'll feel her body shift, and for the briefest of seconds, you'll know where mine belongs.
You'll catch my scent on a breeze, and call her my name. You can't ignore me. I'll never go away. I know far too much to vanish. It's not over, and I won't let it be over until I've seen you squirm.
She doesn't want you. We both feel it.
See, even if I'm not near you, I feel you. I feel what you feel, know what you're thinking. That won't go away.
You can singe my *******, and you can **** my mementos. You can.
You can't **** what they meant to you. You can't **** what you feel.
So drown yourself in her, and I'll laugh when you roll to my shores, torn apart.
Your skin will sag and weigh itself down with seaweed. You'll have barnacles on your tongue as you try to speak to me. You will tell me, "I knew it was wrong. You will never be gone,"
And I will tell you to hush, and rip off each one slowly, savoring them, making your mouth bleed onto my lap. Your blood will pool around my knees, and sink into my skin, like it was always meant to.
You can't escape me.
Late at night, lay there, thinking of me.
You may have her now,
But you'll always have me.

i'll never let you see
what you've done to me
i'll never let you know
where i'm planning to go.
except after i'm gone
you'll all be too late
to say if i could just have wait.
wait for what?
for me to slice another cut?
then you to run, to say what i have done.
for you to feel like you have won.
won the battles between me and my life.
with you not even involved.
but there i go again.
slaying against my wrist with the knife.
and sitting there
watch as i tear
tear off the plastic.
upcap the lid.
discover whats been hid.
a capsule of blue.
multiple & brand new.
taste the bottle on my lips.
not even the razor nips
could substitute what i will soon endure.
a pain free path for sure.
but the only way to get there?
step in the puddle of blood.
there's no lack of it, it's a flood.
a flood of my own
nothing i have ever shown.
as the ultimate sacrifice, i just want to say,
maybe there would have been one day.
when someone would have finally said
"the things inside your head
are driving you insane
and it's leading you to a world of pain.
take my hand, follow my lead.
some place to where you will not need
the use or the crave for blades or pills.
because my love & caring will end your desire to ****."
but that is all a tale.
it is all in my head.
that someone will have said,
"i will save you"
and now its too late.
because i will reach for my razor as my evening date.
and later, lose my innocence deep into the dark as it is late.
my innocence taken by the one and only
multiple swallowed capsules.
as if to say one last time, "if i wasn't so lonely."
then everyone wouldn't say "why?"
and i didnt have to write 'goodbye'.

Its 6AM again and the cigarette laced ashtray is smoking
There's a joint burned down to the roach
Through the foggy room, lurching, tired and choking
I sift through forums seeking a reproach
Harold Melvin and The Blue Notes from the speaker, I'm forlorn
My eyes are red and I am in need of rest
I peep through the dingy curtains, the world at peace and I feel scorn
The ******* keeps my heart rapid in my chest
Feral cats quarrel and screech through the alleyway, maddening
Gentle hum from a depression creeping
The abuse of my body on these long summer nights, is saddening
A shot to the arm and finally, I'm sleeping

Whether it's the nicotine to cure the itch,
The scars on your wrist that hurt like a *****,
The food that has lost its taste long ago,
Or the love for someone that you cannot show.
"I swear to god this is my last cigarette,
Oh these scars are just from my friends cat.
I'm not over eating, I'm just really hungry you see.
We're just friends, but I'm in love, cant you see?"
Yet you buy another pack,
You mark your skin again,
You eat until you're about to burst,
You cry yourself to sleep because the love just ******* hurts.
Addiction is a demon much fouler than sin.
One who whispers sweetly, yet you must never give in.
You can fight the battle, you can win the war,
You can take an eye for an eye and settle the score.
Put down the cigarette, throw away the blade,
Ease up on the food, the love you can save.
There will come brighter days where the fighting will cease.
And finally, my friend, your life will be at peace.