He looked at her mesmerized
The yearning gaze of his
Watched her every move
She shied away
Shielding her face with her files
She pretended to be mad
Asking him to look away
But all he did was
Shooting her a cheeky grin

Once lost; remains non-existent.
The perfect paint; nothing but a patch of grey.
Darkness lingers; colors fades.

dancing to the phantasmic rhythm
yearning for it to come - to drown me out
out of this world with every single beat
for as scarlet tears fade and scars remain

where do we go?
perhaps, to a happily never after.

It's suffocating to force yourself to fit in,
It's as good as the shadow struggling to become the light.
Because deep down you know that you don't belong,
And there's no helping it.

the fleeting soul that
once lived wandering afloat
beneath the sky-filled
of illuminated red
humiliated by the inhumanity
of voices buried within

Succumbing to the depths of my everlasting nightmares
Lost in between the border connecting life and death
Wandering aimlessly to places where I wished I belonged
Living the endless cycle - the nightmare of my *dreams

We are all just some sad human beings; confused and lost.
Inflicting scars that didn't go as deep as the void that has been created in our hearts.
Leaving behind empty shells that were once filled with our lingering souls.

fleeting moments and replicated memories. time healed no one. faded presence; residual scars. drowning in a sea of impossibilities; everything you no longer held dear.

in the midst of it all, a voice pleads,

*"let me go."

She was disgusted with those
Who thought age gaps were
Gross or unsightly
She stood up for them
Emphasizing every single word
That love is something
That no one can ever control
It shouldn't be measured by
Mere numbers but instead
How true the love was
She thought about how
It wasn't unrealistic and
It was the very opposite
Because it simply showed
How genuine love can be

Do you remember how the time ticks
How the time flows
How everything just flew by
Within a matter of seconds?

Can you see the sorrow hidden
Behind her blue beady eyes
With a glimmer of hope shimmering
Wishing that you were here

Do you realize
How much you led her on
And then broke her heart
At the very next second?

She hoped you could save her
She hoped that she could smile
She placed all her trust in you
But what did you do?

You made her stopped believing
You made her cry
You broke her over time
That she could never function again

insanity lost its sanity
everything that should have been normal
is now being cast away
whats done in the past
shouldnt be forgiven
to live life without living
surrounded by existing dreams
with nothing to look back at
and nothing to look forward to
time was the first and probably the last
to stir my slumbering soul
when everything unveils id be long gone
suffocated by the oxygen in which i breathe
if everything is purely bittersweet
not existing doesnt change a single thing
memories were all simple lies
and im merely a deception within dreams

i dont have a reason to live; merely waking up for the sun to rise and fall again. living, breathing - being alive is simply a chore that haunts and suffocates.

Where did you go?
I missed the times
Those times
Where you greeted me
As soon as you woke up

Where are you now?
You are nowhere to be seen
You didn't reply
To any of my messages
Even though it was marked
As seen

I'm worried
It's suffocating
Am I not good enough?
I want to be there
For you always

But I guess
I can never embrace you
I guess I am never worthy
Because all along
I am filled with nothing but
Selfishness.

"It terrifies myself, knowing that I'm starting to say yes to things that I've used to say no, and no to things that I've used to say yes."

acrylics into bloodstains
teetering on the threads
hardened the bottle of ink
carved with not a single trail
of the everlasting nothing

the pain just gnaws
with no root to cut
the mind is just a breeding ground
meant to destroy the weak
theres nothing to achieve
except having to stand again
because thats the way of life
to be nothing more

when it drops it breaks
into wholly pieced fragments
trickling down the veins
basked in lights that ceased to shine
leaving not ever a trace behind

to live freely
under the volcano of raindrops
is that even possible?
will we even get anywhere?
will you even look at me?
or will i simply fall and drown
suffocating and wilting my life away
where will i go then
if everything fades away
will i even be able to live?

if i wished for the world to disappear with me
will i end up in a city of ignited stars?
or down the heart of the winds
into a spiralling maze filled with voices of the nothing?

distant laughters; muted senses
to find a home which belongs to none
engraved smiles; withdrawn gazes
in search of a life worth breathing

once a present; now a memory
buried underneath these layers
of unshed tears and forgotten words
once forever; now a forever for none

to make excuses; to run away
to live without knowing that torment awaits
mere figures; simple gaussian blurs
fading away just like how the earth fades away

if only the rain could turn into waves
strong enough to submerge my gritting nonsensical yearnings
maybe then i wouldnt have been a misplaced individual
adrift on a land far off and beyond life

afraid of being alive without living,
despite knowing life is better off not living
nothing but a walking desperation,
on a world that does not exist for the broken

the sun sets and night dawns
everything started to come to a halt
it was all still and calm
the rustling of leaves and howling of wind
were now flutters and gentle breezes
there were no one else in sight
she stood still without a trace of emotion
realizing that she was once again
left behind and all alone
wishing she could be loved again

under the moonlight shadows
deep into the sand, the never-ending currents
sinking into the void of another
a future made for one by none

everything dyed in silver or grey
beneath the rustle of an everlasting dusk
against the warmth of frozen stars
trickling down to its very last

if you could forget, would you?
how does it feel like - to forget; to leave everything behind?

"i could erase your memories - if you wanted to. it wont cost you a cent, of course."

she hesitated.

is this really the only way out? will i fall out of love just by forgetting his existence?

in this world, only thoughts roam and humans oblige.

i will simply disappear amongst the sea of people; drowning deeper and deeper - as far as the current would take me. its just me and me alone. nothing else mattered. the mesmerizing city where everything is simply bright and grey; just my shadow walking alongside me. soon ill just be another person - a person whose name carved on a rock and soon to be forgotten.

nothing is more terrifying than being alive. it makes you feel things you dont want to feel - do things beyond your control.

*you werent given a choice to live; only a chance to die.

that aching vulnerability; inviting without a trace of hesitation.

walls stood tall, withstanding anything that came its way.
guards laid low, waiting for someone to sneak their way.

*“oh run baby, run. please - save me from everything that hurts.”

a life which does not need me; merely drifting afloat, oblivious to seconds on the clock. stagnated waves and desolated voices danced without a care in the world - like a broken record wishing for time to stop.

these closed eyes, ones which caused me to realize. the fleeting silence that surrounds, dissipating with every breath; the stillness of the ticking clock that hung itself above our heads - falsifying truth that hid itself within our rhythmic heartbeats. oh love, when will you start to realize?

*surely, in that fading silence - the clock stills.

trusting you despite knowing that you would lie
texting you despite knowing that you would no longer reply
loving you despite knowing that you would leave
holding on despite knowing that you would let go

reaching out despite knowing that you would never look back

im tired of living this life cloaked with fantasies and lies; nothing is ever real. everything infront of us is nothing but a fragment of our imaginations. tied to things we cannot see, just living each day behind a facade.

when we first met, you peered into my hollow eyes, bounded to my suffocated soul. you reached in, trying to get hold of my still beating heart and - without hesitation - i had already let you in. something in me clicked like a lock chained to a cage. i realized, we were beings of the same kind; sheltered tattered souls. your gaze whispered trust but my heart replied otherwise.

final breaths and yearned laughters; clawed hearts, dead souls and damaged smiles. will i be able to breathe - to take another step forward?