Light snow. Warm blanket. Helping. Typing. Looking outside. Looking inside. Warmth. Gross. Sticky. Old. Unattractive. Alone. Looking into a window full of people who can help you. Alone. Not trusting yourself. Cars go by. Quickly. Alone. Every mind and every car. One. The life a snowflake lives as it falls. Gone. Looking into someone's eyes. Running away. Wondering what someone sees in your eyes. Wishing its what they want. Wishing its not what you think. Alone. Not trusting yourself. Hoping there's a different life ahead. Some time. Possibly in the near future. Alone. Times of feeling with other people. Together. Not trusting yourself. Lying. Rejecting. Foolishly complaining. Alone. Snowflakes moving upwards, back towards the sky, because of the wind. Unrealistic. Calm relaxing music. Fear. Alone. Not trusting yourself. Multiple voices telling you to do different things. Together. Alone. Being stuck between survival options and dying. Alone. Wanting to call out but doubting the purity of your own intentions. Knowing everyone else has a life that is not yours. Knowing everyone else has a life that is full of things they want to do. Independent. Without you mostly. Mostly wanting to not bother anyone. Alone. Not trusting yourself. Asking for help indirectly. Making sure that the person has a way to back out. Escape. Pretend they can't see what is happening. Not seeing what is happening. Not trusting yourself. Alone. The ground that looks unaffected by the snow. The ground that stays and is sometimes buried, but it always comes back. Even. Fair. Thinking about how many people feel. Thinking about what people feel. Wanting specific things. Wanting to talk to specific people. Having trouble trusting people. Not trusting yourself. Alone. Sitting. Music. Typing. Nothing. Papers. Time. Life. Together. Snow. Trust. Ground. Trees. Harm. Fear. Running. Escape. Annoy. Harass. Pretend. Turning. Playing. Focusing. Trust. Away. Fear. Together. Alone.

Everything you love,
There will a time or a moment
When it is the last time you will embrace it,
By listening to it,
By playing it,
By watching it,
By saying, "I love you.",
By holding it,
Or by just loving it,
There will be one last time.

Everything you hate,
Will only torment you
One last time
Before it is gone forever.

Everything you have ever loved and will ever love
Will enter your life.
This moment is beautiful and confusing,
Fascinating and exciting,
Stimulating and challenging,
Unique and free.
Let the love be.

I love walking outside
And hearing noises
It’s like an antidote
For all of the poison

I inject myself with
By trying to be aware
And even though the poison hurt me,
I don’t care

I’d rather be aware
Than choose to be ignorant
It’s ok some people do,
But I’m not into it

So I internalize the evil
And sometimes, I feel I live it
But when I walk outside
I’m innocent and generally riveted

I close my eyes
My friends hands me a green stick
I pocket it, extract it,
And then I start eating it

Before I know what it is,
A minty green special K bar,
Somehow my friend knew
I ate these often at my landscaping job

We’re in a big house,
Modern, lots of glass
There’s an apparent social group present
I’m hoping that I pass

The unmentioned implicit
Group initiation
People make eye contact with me and speak,
What a riveting sensation

I try to stay patient,
Sometimes standing, sometimes sitting
All the while,
Dark paranoid thoughts beginning

The longer it goes on,
The more often we switch innings
And before I get accustomed
I’m in a dark room, internally grinning

Large. Semi-spherical
Dark. Gothic.
I walk towards the center,
No longer aware of my pockets.

My heart, I’m standing near
Another person I love, who shot it
And like I once knew,
I’m overcome by the feeling, haven’t lost it

And we start dancing,
In a classical sort of way
There’s so much joy in our embrace
But all around us, dismay

I try to let it sink since
It doesn’t happen every day
And I have a creeping feeling
That it all will float away

And once the music stops playing,
She comes closer to embrace
In a hug that’s too tight,
So suddenly, my heart is racing

And I love it and I hate it
And behind her back, I’m facing
And my paranoia is back
And my colorful world is graying

How long should I be staying?
I shouldn’t ever be here!
When she finally let’s me go,
In a cloud of smoke, I disappear

I’m back in the house,
I find my friend from before,
And wonder; how are you feeling dude?
Are you not also eager to slumber?

Before I her his response,
I ironically wake up,
Taken by another nightmare
Taken by more fake love.

Are these dreams?
Or just the occasional nightmare?
These recurring scenes I tease
Myself with love I don’t have; unfair.

Can’t see
Not clear
Music and thoughts,
I can’t hear

For example, I’m lost
And full of fear.
I’m unsure of the plan
Yet it is so near

The vortex twirls me
Around with ideas
All the while,
Possessing the key of

The “right thing”
It’s hard to find
Because I’m stuck
Spinning in time

Thoughts cycling
The endless grind
Of finding what I want
And making it mine

Neither task
Is simple, sometimes
So I spin with the vortex
And we just say that it’s fine

I really really love people I don’t know
When I feel tired and confused,
The feeling of love grows

Drugs make me high
People make me higher
People who’ve tried both
Might think that I’m a liar,

But it’s a definite conclusion
No additional pondering required
People soak me in water
And set my mind on fire