When you're dead, does it really mean you're gone?
Does it mean I'll never see you again?
Does it mean i will never hear your voice, full of love and protection?
When you're dead
Do you still see me?
Do you watch over me?
Can you hear my thoughts?
Can you hear me pleading for you?
When you're dead
Does it really mean your gone?
Do you still think about me?
Care about me?
Will you still be my best friend?
When you're dead
Does it really mean you're never coming back?
Never going to be there to run to,
Never going to be able to hug or love again
When you're dead
Can you hear my cries?
See the tears that fill my eyes?
Can you see the longing in my heart to know that you're okay?
To know that you are no longer in pain.
When you're dead
Does it really meant that you are gone?

Falling, crashing down
As my world falls apart
It all begins to change
Everything that once was, is gone
The laughter of children
The chirping of birds singing their songs
under the warm summer sun
GONE
Darkness blankets the sky
Taking the sun away
The laughter and songs fall silent
The warm summer day
Turns to a chilly fall night
Watching it all disappear
In the place I once called home
All gone up in flames
A place once full of love and happiness
Where two best friends once played dress up
and told stories about their future prince charming
Where brother and sister once played games
A mother and daughter with a bond so strong
You never thought they could be separated
Watching a family
So close fall so far apart
When  the place they once called home
Came crashing down

High up in the sky
Smiling down on the earth
A warm glow
Mixes with the cool breeze
Like a blanket
Draped across my shoulders
Spinning around
Eyes closed and arms outstretched
Letting it all go
Leaving the past behind
Stepping forward
Out of the shadows
And into the light
Embracing the beauty
Of this life
Of the Things around me
Letting the light
Fill my body
Watching the trees
And sky become a blur
As I tumble to the ground
Laying on the ground laughing
Watching the tall grass
Dance around above me
Tickling my legs and arms
Like little kisses
Making it all go away
Replacing sadness
With joy
The sun beaming down
Embracing my body
Like a tight warm hug
Lying there
I thank god for you.

Reaching out
Wanting you to see
That I need you now more than ever
But you are not there
You never are
I feel so stupid,
Looking for you in the shadows
Everywhere I go
Wanting you to be there
Wanting you to see
Wanting you to want me
Waiting and watching
For any sign of a response
But nothing
No reaction
Not response
I miss your voice
And the way you’d hold me
The way you’d comfort me
If I would wake up crying
Every night you were gone
I’d pray to god
That he’d bring you home
That you would be there tomorrow
And never leave us again
Always saying you had to work
But really just trying to escape
Scared I would crawl into your bed
You were never there
The sound of muffled weeping
Breaking the silence
Looking at the closet door
Pain filling my heart
You would ask to be forgiven
For all the wrong you had done
For not being able to do everything
Sitting there not understanding
I’d close my eyes and ask god
To forgive me, to show me
What I needed to do
What it was that I was doing wrong.
Waking up
The feel of arms around my body
Closing my eyes again
Not believing
Not understanding
When I open them again
It’s all gone again
And so are you

Feeling the whole world crashing down
Spiraling out of control
Where did the time go
All those days spent under the sun
Melting away like the snow
So many thoughts and all I can say is
"I don't know"
I don't know you I don't know me
It's like we are living in a tragedy
Full of smiles and fake faces
Lies and defeat
Just tell me why did you cheat
Life maybe be just a game
But who are we to blame when we tear everything down using our own two hands
Who are we to say that someone else is at fault
When we can't even figure out what's right and what's wrong
Because when it's wrong you think it's okay because it feels so right, so freeing
But you step out and try to do the right thing the true thing and get shot down and shamed so you think it's wrong you doubt yourself you try to redo what has already been done
But listen can you hear it
A voice saying resist give it all to me
Can't you see that your not alone that you can stand up
Just turn around and shut up
Look into the sky because he did not just die
He gave his life a living sacrifice
Because he knew that one day you would need a helping hand that you would need someone to help you take a stand. So listen to me and take his hand there is a place he has promised were we will never stand alone..

So many new things
Mostly beautiful
Some not so much
Still everything has changed my life
But one thing stands out more than the rest
Something I have never had before
Like a new support
Making me feel stronger
Blowing like the wind
Cold and strong
Putting out the fire
Removing the pain that had once covered my heart
Breaking down the walls,
that once protected it
But wanting to open up
Reaching into the darkness
and taking the soothing hand
knowing that good lies on the other end
Wanting to give in and let it all be okay
But so scared that with a single slip up
it will all go away
Pulling back
Staying in between the layers of strength and comfort
and familiarity of darkness and hiding
The fire causing more pain on some days then on others
Some days I reach out and take the hand
not quit fallowing but excepting the fact
I have a choice
Other days I curl up in the darkness
Feeling the burn more inside
Melting my heart like a candle
But instead of it falling into the darkness and disappearing
Something catches it
Holding it
Molding it into something
Something new
Something better
Something stronger
Looking up
it;s not just an outstretched hand anymore
A person
reaching out
Pulling me to my feet
Pulling me out of the darkness
Pulling me into a hug
Into a new place
A happier place
A feeling I've never felt before
The love of a dad
So strong
So patient
So much more then I could ever ask for.

Some days I wonder what is going to happen, I wonder about where I ******* up this time. Every time I feel like I’m getting close to things being alright. Something always goes wrong, making my heart thump rhythmically at the thoughts of your voice. Then it’s gone, your gone again, Silence cuts through the air like a blade slicing through paper. Sitting in the cold silence, pain floods through my body, anger pulsing though my veins.
When I open my eyes I see a glimmer in the light out of the corner of my eye, its cold and sharp. I found my escape from you, from reality, from everything. Dragging it across my skin, so cool to the touch. Sending a flurry of new thoughts filling my mind, thoughts that stick and wont go away. Giving up and giving in, I drag my escape deeper and deeper into my skin, watching the crimson color fill the paths left behind. I watch the blood escape from my body. As if it is running for freedom, taking all the pain and anger along with it.
As new thoughts fill my head, I see smiling faces all around spreading their joy to one another. Suddenly I notice something in the corner, not something but someone. Only one person weeps sitting behind a big decorative box. A picture in his hand, dressed in all black. Standing out from everyone with their festive colors. The picture falls from his hand, landing at his foot I look at it closer. It’s of a boy and girl smiling at whatever took the picture. Looking closer I notice it’s not just a decorative box as the boy weeps harder Ii realize it’s much more. Nit a box but a bed, for a child that once was so lost she couldn’t find her way home. So she escaped the only way she knew how. Picking up the picture looking so much closer understanding so much more. Not just a happy boy and girl but a happy couple. A boy with the girl he loved more than anything. If you asked him what is wrong, he will look at you with puffy red pain filled eyes. If you ask who she was, he would simply say a misunderstood angel, nothing more.
At the ceremony they begin to tell her story, their memories of her. In the back sits the boy, the love of her life, holding the only piece of her he has left. Taking it he sends up a silent prayer, asking to be forgiven for the things he had done in his life, promised that he would never leave her side no matter what. Placing a ring back into his pocket he took the same blade that she had used sliding it up the same vein as she had. “I will love you forever and always plus eternity my beautiful angel,” his last words escaped in a whisper.
He lay in the grass and died alongside her. Not another word spoken about that day. The smile that surrounded them fell, no body spoke no body moved.

A life full of ups and downs
Heartbeats and heartbreaks
Two paths born to cross
Best friends, sisters
Two hearts beat
Two lives lived
Just for a few moments together
Then separating again
Hope and prayer to one day be reunited forever
Tear filled eyes
Full of joy and sadness
Looking down
Wanting to protect her from the pain you know and feel
But knowing you can't
Smiling through the pain so she won't see
Her looking up to see you standing strong knowing somethings wrong
Not understanding but knowing she is not alone
A connection
A bond that will never break
Together you stand strong and weather the storms
Together you show the world your love
Together you are sisters
Two lives born to live life together
The lives of two separate people made to love and care for the other

Look me in the eyes
Tell me you don’t care
That you would take the life
Of an angel
A child
No matter the age
Four, twelve, seventeen, twenty-one
You’ll always be a child
In the eyes of your creator
The eyes of your parents
The love they show you
Shows that they just don’t understand
The voices you hear
Filling your mind with thoughts
You don’t want to think
You feel lost and confused
Observing everything around you
The things people tell you
The way things make you feel
Making you feel alone
The wanting to end it all
To make it all go away
The cold touch of the blade
Warms your heart
Always there for you
When you need to hide the pain
When you need to escape from reality
When you feel you just can’t take anymore
Now look me in the eyes
And tell me you don’t care
When you wake up in that bed
Your family and friends surround you
Tears in their eyes
The sheer look of pain
Painted on all of their faces
Looking away
Not able to face them
Looking down, knowing you should look up
You see your arms
Sown together
Pulling all the pieces together
Pulling you back to reality
Your once blank mind
Filling with thoughts
Tears fill your eyes
Pain filling your body
You can’t let go
A sudden comforting feeling fills your heart
Clearing your mind
A second chance has been given
This time don’t let it go
Look me in the eyes
Tell me you don’t care
That he gave his life
For an angel
A child
The ones he loves

As the day goes on
Minute by minute
Second by second
Time ticks on
Things happen
People forget
Pain is caused
You hurt the ones you love
The ones who love you
Begin to drift away
Day by day
Minute by minute
Second by second
Time ticks on
We laugh
We play
We forgive
We forget
As time goes on
We force ourselves to see the good
To see the little things
Things that aren’t actually there
Day by day
Minute by minute
Second by second
Time ticks on
We believe the lies
We see the stereo types
We want them to be real
We imagine life the way the world say it should be
Imagine ourselves as the person we should be
Not who we are
Day by day
Minute by minute
Second by second
Time ticks on
We forget
We lose sight
We don’t look back and realize
The real importance of life
The reason we are here today
The pain caused so that we can become who we should be
Perfect in our own way
Different for a reason
Different families
Different lives
Different stories
Day after day
Minute after minute
Second after second
Time ticks on
Step out
Don’t be afraid
Be yourself
Be proud
Be who god has created you to be
Tell your story
And let it go
Take time into your own hands

Opening my eyes
I see you
I see your face
But it's not yours
Reaching out
I feel you
The touch of your skin
So cold  so lifeless
Listening
Trying to hear your voice one last time
Nothing
I don't understand
Where could you have gone
When I'm looking right at you
But is it you?
I don't recognize the person I see
But I know who you are
I remember climbing into your bed
I remember telling you my biggest dreams and fears
I remember you holding my hand
And showing me the world
I saw it all through your eyes
You showed me that anything could be what you made it
You just had to believe
Believe in the good
Always look for the light
The star that twinkles in everything
I did everything you said
I looked to the light
I made everything the way I wanted it to be
Molded my mind like clay
Made a window that faced the light
I looked through it as much as I looked up to you
Some days it never felt big enough
Some days I couldn't find the light
Some days I couldn't find you
It's like you disappeared
I shut the window and built a wall
Locking myself in
But still looking for the light
Running in circles
Looking for you
Hoping you'd show me the light
But you never did
You never came back
I see you everyday
But I can never find you
I open my eyes
Day after day
And your still not there
Did you forget
Did you lose sight
The stars are gone
I can't see the twinkle anymore
The world is not the same
As the sun sets and the darkness fills the sky
I begin to wonder if you were even real
If any of it was real
But what does it matter now
You are gone
Everything is gone
You are not who taught me to love
Taught me to look at the world as if it was a master piece
Painted and sculpted from the finest of things
I see your face
So pale and lost
I feel your skin
So cold and lifeless
I listen for your voice
But yet hear nothing
Where did you go
Why did you leave?

As the words flow through my thoughts
Some begin to get lost
When I’m writing it’s like
I become a whole other person
When I just let them flow out
They form stanzas
And as each one grows
They tell a story
Paint a picture
Can you see it
Can you see the words
Painted out like graffiti
A million words to choose from
But none of them seem to fit  
Searching
Trying to find the words to say
To make it all flow together
Like a water fall
Flowing from one word to the next
Connecting together in the end
In on big pool
Like paint on a canvas
It’s not complete
Until you add all the colors and their shades
And just like life
It won’t last forever
But it will at least last for tonight
Just like a photo
You can capture the moment
You can hold it tight
You can even retell it in your own way
With words you can do so much
You can form a sentence
Tell a story
Create emotion
Capture a moment
You can even share your heart
And as the words flow through my thoughts
Some begin to get lost
Soon I will find just the right ones
In just the right order
They will create something amazing
Something beautiful