It's 2023 and I think everyone's tired of me not participating
in Reality
Get over it
Get on with it
Get through it
It's time to be an adult again
Alyssa, it's time to function.
I didn't choose to do it I woke up like this
Next to painful cognitive dissonance
Im impregnated
with self awareness that I'm stuck like this
I left the name up to my therapist
She calls it Dissociation
Short for Borderline Psychosis
I'm intelligent and keen to the shift
In my brain
I've learned to respond to my name
But I can't control it
At least now I'm aware of the present
and that my presence is not present-tense
Nor is it past-tense
I'm alive and at the same time
I feel non-existent
What philosophy is this?
What psychology is this?
What conspiracy of reality have I disrupted and caused to shift
Explain to me why mentally and physically
I am disconnected
I am just an entity
I am a reduction of my humanity
to the simple piece of machinery
that thinks
I am my thoughts
observing and witnessing
outside of the thing that gives my life meaning
I am not one with my body
I am just aimlessly floating
In a plane of my suffering
So vast and so deep
My body rejected the parasitic entity
that I refer to as "me"
I've been ejected from the thing that gives me an identity
My therapist calls it Dissociating.
Convincing my physical being to accept me
is easier than you think
It's just that my thinking is cloudy
I think too complexly
I just need to eat
You might assume that means
My human needs
that I need protein
but once I eat and I'm full then you'll see
It's my ego that was starving
and the reason for any of my writing
is to feed it the flattery it needs.
It's only a matter of time before Dissociation wakes up from her sleep.