I fled
I fled to the comfort of the dark

And felt soft swarthy fabric
Envelope my heart
I allowed myself to deeply sink in
Peering into the blackness
Seeing nothing
Like a blackboard duster sweeping
Off the chalk
So my mind was uncluttered
Of all it's wild talk

I stayed till first light
I stayed

I find myself in a place so quiet
That I dare to even breathe
A stillness within that I want to touch
A pocket of palpable ease
The chaos outside wields its frenetic pace
The loudness turned down to mute
I cling to this peace possessively
Willing it so to take root

I lost my grip and down I slid
And felt no urge to stop
My scanty power enveloped my will
As I succumbed to my downward spiral

The inevitable pulled its peaceful ruse
I felt dead before I died
The blackened fiend sat with twisted smile
And watched me breathe into airlessness
Down down I slid into the well
Where no wishes or hope or light do dwell

And there at the bottom amongst the nothingness
Love scooped me up in gentle palm
And placed me amongst the shattered souls
Pieced together by second chances
And slowly there on tessellated plains
My Life began again

Tears fall down from deep emotional graves
Like waterfalls covering over dark hidden caves
But no one notices the agony ...the pain
Cause I am crying ..crying in the rain

I set you free cause you hungered to go
You gnawed for so long on our family tie
Chewed at the cord till you made me cry
Well, goodbye my dear one, be free and fly

Perhaps one day when your wings hang low
You'll remember my hands that held you near
You'll remember my eyes welled up with tear
You'll remember my smile that quelled your fear

But then up you'll soar to the heavens you follow
You'll chastise yourself for thoughts you entertain
You'll bring out the waters of jealousy and pain
And wash away all traces of the love you disdain

So, be free my dear one, be free in your mind
While I'll hold you in secret by the ties that bind

What possessed me to wrestle so long
Picking away on unchartered ground
Pushing emotions around and around
Spinning so many an unfinished song?

What carried me off into deeper waters
Wading through mire and murky corners
Falling again and again and again
Over husbands and fathers and Wonderland mothers?

Ease blows over this punch-bagged heart
I fall on soft pillows of steady stillness
Breathing freely and deeply and emotionless
Letting it all go into archival winds...apart

I choose to ignore my aching heart
Carrying it in secret behind my shadow smile
Heavy legs take me around this cold dance floor
Waltzing as words beat on my sensitive brain

I’m Alice in Wonderland!
Drowning in abnormality
Forcing myself bigger in a shrunken surround…

One two three,
One two three,
Keep it in har mo ny

Round and round I continue to go
Rising on tip toes in my mental capped boots
Dancing small steps to the matriarchal tune
While turning my blind eye away.