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My mind is too cluttered to think
about how each verse should go.
I'm so filled with rage, sadness, and regret,
that I can't think correctly.
All I can think about is how you ruined me.
The images of the things we did in your bedroom still haunt me.
I don't love you anymore.
You are my past.
And you're staying there.
 Jan 2014 Shari Forman
JDG
Ritual
 Jan 2014 Shari Forman
JDG
I stir cream and sugar
into black coffee
just like the warm coffee
stirs my soul.
Corny, but I love my morning coffee.
Ah, yes, so this is reality
wrapped up and defined
a mere inch of cosmic truth
a mere fathom of existence
and we exist, yet
in the realm of senses
relishing the feeling touch leaves
on your nervous system
where the signal is reached in your brain
and your atoms and molecules are solid for one moment
but then there is no awareness
and you are again existence and the cosmos
I can't wait for the day that this all gets a bit more bearable.
I want to stay,
and I want to leave.
I want to learn,
but I want to stay home and sleep.
I want to hurt myself,
but I need to stay strong.
I have so much to live for,
I have a purpose,
but I'm still wondering what exactly that is.
 Jan 2014 Shari Forman
Deity
It doesn't rain in Southern California.

I told you.

Bold you, somehow make me.

The taste of your tongue breaks the dam and I know you love the flood, because we're in love and we never use gloves.

Then you deep sea dive, claw into my thighs and I can't not look into your eyes.....uuhhmmn.

When I get closer my back will arch some, and I levitate when the light creeps over the horizon.  

You slip inside of me and we settle our differences, and the difference is this feeling we share. I whine and grip in between stares and it hurts too good so you kiss me when I glare.  

And I'm feeling it starting to rise, you do too.

So you go harder.

And faster.

And harder.

And faster.

Hurts so good. You ******* *******.

So now we're both soaking wet.

I just....

Didn't know it could rain in Southern California.
Waiting, ever waiting
The young wait for their life to begin
Until they get old and wait to die

Waiting, ever waiting
Watch the bus pulling away,
And count the seconds as they run away towards infinity
Watch the clock pick your pocket like a vulture picks a corpse
Waste your time dreaming
Waste yourself drinking
Live your life a slave to a screen and a victim to the clock

Waiting, ever waiting
Wait your days away, and tell yourself the time will come
Watch the time come and go, through the ever revolving door
Someday, tomorrow, in a week, fooling yourself with broken promises
Until one day the hospital heart monitor delivers your final deadline

Time’s up.
On a very dark night,
in a frightfully dark place,
there's a dark alley,
where light has no trace.
But what do I see?
A pair of eyes,blinking rapidly
cornered in the darkness,
a small little creature,
whose face is hidden,
behind its darkened feature.

Its the eyes,those huge,watery eyes.
They call to me,for help,for aid.
The poor kid is alone,stupefied and afraid.
I cannot let him be devoured,
by total darkness,
unbearable the thought,
to leave it helpless.
So I further my step,
and prepare with grace,
for what lies ahead,
is a terrified face.

I cannot possibly imagine,
how he ended up,in this alleyway.
All by itself,its difficult to say.
Perhaps a lost soul,
or a troubled fate.
Whatever the reasons,
its unsafe to venture this late.
He could end up dead,for all I know,
I can't leave him alone,
further I must go.

I can hear soft sobs,
see the tears flowing,
frightened by the darkness,
the poor ****** is moaning.
If I don't help now,
it could fall prey,
the evil which lurks in the shadows,
is forever prepared to slay.
It feeds on the weak,
on the vulnerable mind,
those with a soft heart,
those who are kind.

In mortal danger,this creature could be,
saving this child,becomes my destiny,
hence I advance further and further,
deep within the blackness,
towards the beacon of eyes,
which have mesmerised me.

As I reach closer,
it senses me,now calm,
almost serene.
I'm glad it didn't panic,
it somehow trusts me.
Careful not to scare the whelp,
I stretch my hand to offer help.

As I feel its soft fur,
I see its shape,almost a blur,
but those eyes,they just went wider.
Replacing the tears,they show some vigour.
There's no movement,
neither his nor mine,
our moment here sort of divine,
but now an unsettling presence,
disturbs this tranquillity,
the eyes disappeared,
amidst the darkness,
the situation turns scary!

I feel my hand,its colder than before,
some sort of liquid,oozing from the core,
its Blood! Christ I'm bleeding!!
Rushing in a surge of pain,
I cry out in agony.
My consciousness begins to drain,
to the darkness all around me.

So this is it then,
I made a fool of myself,
failed to realize,
no creature could have,
ended here all by itself.

So much for the ironic twist,
a clever plan in the darkened mist.

I fell for it,fell for it bad,
and now my fate lies,
in the hands of the devil,so sad.
I search for those eyes,
where have they gone?
Guess they played their part,
smoothly all along.
For I'm trapped,
in this surmounting terror.
With no chances of redemption,
for my grave error.

Head spinning,eyes rolling,
mind completely going insane.
Its the sudden rush of adrenalin,
like a bullet coursing through the mane.

Suddenly the place lit up,
with eerie noises,creaking sounds.
Like the devil himself playing,
on his very own grounds.
The song of death,a requiem,
singing with a baritone,
is that really him??

The noises only get louder,
till they deafen me,
the sounds almost mocking,
laughing at my stupidity,
the laugh almost a sneer,
abusing my magnanimity.

With no energy left in me,
I sink down the ground,effortlessly,
plunged in the throes of darkness,
with just the blackness to see,
inducing the comatose of dizziness,
my heart thumping heavily,
a continuous sense of a presence insinuating,
the mere thought is killing me.

The sheer terror is overwhelming.
Feet numb,mind stopped discerning,
I look towards the dark sky,
no moon,no stars,just pitch black,
I wonder why.
Seems to me,this night will take me
to a place which hasn't seen,
the light of the day,
a place far from home,
a place where I'll be left astray.

The noises soon recede,
giving way to an eerie stillness,
with only my heartbeat to hear,
audible enough in the darkness.
I hear whispers,of someone,
calling me,my name,
They don't care how I feel,
for them its just a game
they play with their victims,
like the predator with its food,
they burn down their prey
with an oil so crude.

The idea alone is tormenting me
I'd rather **** myself,
than suffer this tyranny.
I can't let the devil,
savour his sadism,
there's only one way out,
from this wretched mechanism.
I can end my life,
with my own hands.
I need not wait for the night
to draw blood on this land.

Alas,I got no weapon,
I brought no siege,
I have no assistance,
nor any liege.
Man, its torture
in its extreme,
I can't live or die,
let alone redeem.

I have to think of something,
beyond me,out of the box.
Have to find a way,
to get rid of this paradox.
With whatever energy left in me,
I search my attire,
to find something worthy.
An ordinary shirt,with blood soaked sleeve,
pants which are torn,holes like a sieve.
I reach my feet the rugged shoes with their strong lace,
Sigh,there's nothing here
which feels out of place
HEY wait a sec! Lace, that's it!!
Think I've found a way to forfeit.
I could choke myself with the lace,
and die as a martyr,
to serve under God's good grace

All I need now,is the strength to endure,
the pain,more than that the urge,
to not go through with this cure.
Its not wise,to say the least,
but I'm left with no choice,
the darkness all around me,
will soon take over my body,
mind and soul will be gone,
the endless cruelty,
would make me wish I wasn't born.

So I must muster my strength
for one last time,
and give whatever it takes,
even if I have to play with the slime.

I pull out the string
and one glance at the creepy blackness,
I close my eyes as I cannot witness,
my own death.
I wound it around my neck,
ans slowly tighten it,
the pressure builds up,
the pain AARGHH I feel it.
With immense determination,
I keep pulling the lace,
it almost entered my skin,
a sort of paleness crosses my face.
The string now drenched with blood,
slowly submerges in deep,
lungs nearly bursting,breathing I cannot keep,
my eyes gauge out,eyes start popping,
surely my end is near,
I sense the devil slowly retreating.

From what I know,
I'm pretty close to death,
a little more to endure
and keep up with it,
till my last breath.
I begin to choke,
it feels as if my throat,
reached up my uvula,
tongue smacking out,
the last taste of the Nebula,
my mouth now wide open in shock,
my fears finally running amok.

With one last stroke,I pull harder........

.
.
.
.
.

A corpse lay,
in the dark alleyway,
accompanied by a figure,
not human,not animal,
just a pair of eyes and lips,
face kept to minimal.
The eyes widen their gaze,
towards the cadaver,
the face twitches,
the lips force a smile...............
Part 1 of The 'Karma' trilogy
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