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Michael Pick Feb 2013
To say what I want to say
And not sound sad, or crazed
I'd seem for sure suicidal
It's an issue that leaves me misplaced
How can I say how much I hate
And the little I love
Without trying to say that the
World that I know holds such disdain
I can say at least, I'm content
I  miss the blisters though
And the rips and sores
I was kept healthy by a body that
I had created war torn
It was no cry for help
All it was, was for me
It was just releasing what I felt

But yet it made me live in fear
Not of me, or myself
But for the stigma it made
And the offers of help
The grief in the family and
The friends who couldn't bear it
They all made me embarrassed
And I felt so weak in return
How could I contract a disease
This disease of the meek
I couldn't bare my arms so
Sleeves became my brothers
Then the breakdowns came
Once scars were seen by others
And then the collapse was complete
Disaster from problem from nothing

I was forced off of it
By claims I was addicted
Like a razor blade was a drug
And there were reasons that I needed it
And I get your point of view
But you won't ever know mine
'Cause nobody our age ever
Did this in the older times
Like **** man, it's such a shame
Your buddy there cut himself, yet again
And I've been waiting for the okay
That I know I'll never get
'Cause it's off the table
To exchange pain for pain
But maybe here's some pills
C'mon, kid, they could make you change

'Cause it's a chemical imbalance
And we've discovered a fix
So just get your fix
With a swallow and a twist
Never mind the bands that help you
Or the poems that know you
This isn't how God had made you
So clearly the devil sought you out
And I know you won't **** yourself but
It helps if I think that way
So it's a compulsion, not a want
It's just something I won't allow
I'd be disappointed if you sliced again
This isn't why the body was meant
Tell me what we need to mend
I'll pull you off my designated ledge

I'm not imagining things, I swear
Look darling, you're off the deep end here
But wait, what could you do
I decided to stop and I did it all for you
If I picked up again
You'd say all the same old things
But you can't really stop me
Or at least, I believe
Sacrifice my frame of mind
Just for everyone else
I'm so sick and tired though
Of you questioning mental health
You could sit back and accept it
For whatever it's become
'Cause I don't see a fault line
So I don't have a problem
If anybody stuck with this, I know it's not too great, and I know it's EXTREMELY long, but it's just a bunch of stuff I had to throw out there. Might be a bit rantish or whining or whatever, but I have to let loose. Please don't judge..
Ann Nicole  Jan 2015
Rantish?
Ann Nicole Jan 2015
You can't be gentle
You can't be sweet
You can't be tidy
You can't be neat
This wasn't the plan
The plan wasn't you
Now I'm debating
Going all the way through
With what I had started
With what I have schemed
You've shown me a perspective
I'd never dreamed
And now I feel guilty
Which I shouldn't, you see?
My idea wasn't that
You'd go through with these things.
So, stop being gentle
Stop being nice
I'd hoped for pain
I'd wished for a fight
I wanted bad
But got good in return
I've never been so lucky
This shouldn't be heard of
But I appreciate all your work
What you've done for me
While I can't even wait
For three minutes it seems
You're so unlucky to have me
But please don't be sad
I'll try to make it all right
Now that I know what I have

— The End —