My mind is a totalitarian regime.
I build up walls, paranoia, panopticon. (And to me, Denmark is a prison.)
Keep the voices, the evils of the world out.
An ideology, power, purpose,
Convinces me of the diseases, the deviants,
That risks an illusion to be shattered.
I am my own dictator, hail.
I control words—words are power—
I write my own narratives, make my own excuses,
Create heroines and gods to populate the prison walls. (He was a son of God—a phrase which, if it means anything, means just that—and he must be about his Father’s business, the service of a vast, ******, and meretricious beauty.)
I rewrite constellations, make them smaller,
Build babels, buying more time.
I tell that amnesiac blackness: that it cannot hurt me; it can’t touch me.
Those labyrinthian libraries of sky charts and lovely flower dictionaries, rooms of polychromatic paintings, which I gathered with gayety as a child—I’m still a child—I haul into the fire,
Ignorant wretch.
We live a part of a global economy, where inclusivity and transparency criticize, perfect.
I can’t stand the critics, I cry, ******!,
Condemn them to death by a thousand cuts,
Slicing and dicing, I can hear their silent pleas,
They speak to me, You are loved, Let your family in, Please stop
Please please please stop please stop stop stop speak to please stop speak to me
Horrible hungry faces, they don’t cry as I peal skin from bone,
With shards I crush those voices, with glass, broken mirrors,
Me to speak stop please to speak stop stop stop please stop please please please
Break down the walls,
why should you die before your time?
An open market is prone to crisis,
These newcomers, it only takes one to break your heart.
Things with merit are gems; scarcity creates value.
Enjoy the labour of love and life, it is a gift of God,
Dance under pixel skies, they **** pride, ****,
Open the floodgates, the dictatorship crumbles and crumples under the weight of these tired eyes
That see light rushing out from the cell window as visions and vicissitudes
A cry from the streets outside
The end is nigh, Night is coming!
One cannot sleep with starry skies in the eyes.
Stay awake, because the guards are coming,
Remember—you are to be tried for warcrimes, hail.
You and me, we can shuffle off this mortal coil, our self slaughter a mere trifle
In this ocean of failed realties, as man to cosmos. (All I want is blackness. Blackness and silence.)
Cause this flesh to melt I beg,
Keep cutting, smaller pieces,
No, the sunrises, it’s ****** and orange,
Citrus, it burns in these wounds,
I feel pain, I feel, warm with this ambiance,
A jacket to prevent morning chill, breathing wisps,
I don’t want to leave, I don’t want to die,
I don’t I don’t now don’t don’t don’t no I don’t want to leave no leave me
Wait!—
(Feb 7 2016)