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I stood atop the castle
My heart locked inside
I unrelenting fought
to guard it’s sensitive skin
You knocked three times
I wouldn’t let you in
Nor would I let you leave

You reasoned with me
Compromising
Asking one way or another
I kept the bridge pulled
High over the moat

You yelled for me
Beating the words into my head
I begged you come to bed
I sewed sheets from my insecurities
Don’t you want to read them all?
If I share them and they dance across
my wine stained breath
Won’t you understand?

Or is it me who is not understanding...

Closed door
You offered comfort that you’d come back
Then I demanded you go home
Then I demanded you stay

The black curtains drawn
behind my eyes

You kissed my forehead goodbye
and left
and I’m left
In garments of guilt

You said don’t apologize
It is forgiven
Just allow me time away

I’m afraid you’ll stay away

In my castle my heart beats
Anxiously
Anxiously
Anxiously

I must open the door
Let down the bridge

For only he can decide
If he shall stay or go

I put down the crown
I can not control you
You rolled over
But you didn’t move closer

I have managed to ruin things
Rather quickly
The mood has shifted
My heart beats
Rapidly
His lips touch
My forehead
His hands touch
My cheeks

Calls become frequent
Plans transcribed within a planner
Plans made on Monday
For the following weekend

Miss me already?
You said you’d tire
if you spent more than a day

Yet your eyes are wide
And filled with love and lust
There you are
at my front door
you will break me
or you will become
the love of my life

He said," You know we
can't just be friends.
If I see you again -
we're going to sleep together."

He pressed the keys
He pulled on the strings
then turned off the light
He said, "Love is not asking where a person works or what they do because love doesn't care. Love simply wants to spend all of its time with you. If you won't take a bullet for love present or past - let it go. For it was never love, only a mask."
1/2/2019
Affection isn't always
holding hands
or a kiss -
Affection is
the clinking
of empty beer bottles
at ten AM
and smokes
on the kitchen counter

Affection is
laying in bed
until late afternoon
tossing and turning
the pages of a book

Affection is
the wish of  good day
and taking out the trash
with two feet through the door
I stopped fantasizing of you
I stopped placing excuses
between your teeth
others only picked them out...

I stopped defending you
I was only defending my heart

Hello, logic
It's been too long
life is tough, initially
when you remove
your rosy lenses
But then -
it's better

You see everything
and everyone
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