you will never write about me

if you think these words are about you,
then you would be right
I want to say wrong things
because I want to fight
how childish of me
to pine for your attention
to watch from afar with some heated affection
I am terribly hung up on my feelings
I want you to be a part of my continuous unreeling
to burn my skin
with the trace of your fingertips
I want to make you shut up
with my mouth
I dislike and like you at the same time
and all that comes to fruition
is this jumbled,
jumpy,
jaded poem.

I've always said to myself that if you are born to be a writer,
then you cannot live without it
I unbearably with a writer's block
that spans times and feelings
that I don't always have a choice over
I stare at the blank, white screen
hoping something will finally come to me
but to no avail.

Where are the words swirling inside of my head?
Forming incoherently
resonating in my mind foreignly
I want to transcribe the words
I want my true voice to be heard
yet my fingers stay still
the pen does not lose ink
the white page on the screen stays blank

this new city has taken a toll on me,
I do not feel vibrant
and a town of bustle
I do not know anyone
I have yet to find a place of my own
in a place that that is my new home
I need to keep myself true
and stick with with the mission
do not fall under a lonely submission
I will take this city by surprise
I will find its glory in my eyes
make memories
make friends
this is just the beginning
and my end

if we ended up together again,
I wouldn't be surprised
if we ended up together forever,
I wouldn't be surprised
maybe that's why we're apart
too scared to face what we both know
we feel too young to understand each other so
and yet,
can't let each other go
I wonder if it makes sense to ask you to marry me
but not quite mean it
just feel it
somewhere deep in our bones

I think I knew when I spilled coffee on your favourite book
I couldn't find the same edition when I went to look
but you didn't care
because there are different versions out there
you told me that you felt like you were floating in the ocean
didn't know whether things were certain and going
this was your reasoning for our break
but you didn't consider how the current would
take something that wasn't even two months in
and take you somewhere new
find things about each other that you never knew
I argued
and I cried
I hung up
Then I called back and yelled
I didn't want you to break my heart
something you didn't even want from the start
you asked to be my friend
towards the end
and maybe someday I'll be okay with that idea
but for now I'm going to just not talk
because friendship isn't what I want

I want to explore your lips
find their taste
make sure your breaths don't go to waste
I place my hand on the side of your face
bring you closer to me
feel my heart beat
I run my fingers and twist in your hair
let you know that I am everywhere
I kiss you to find your secrets
to find your hurt and make it better
to find your  happiness and let it shine
from your lips to mine
we will lose the time
because we are too entangled in each others arms
protecting each other from the world's harms
softness of flesh meet
the gracing of a tongue as a tease
finding out what you're trying to tell me
that you just haven't found the words
you speak them in your lips form
from your lips to mine
I am hungry and you shall satisfy