as she cries she
rests her heavy mind onto
the kneeled piano, rivers
running down patchwork cheeks, crashing
oceans on fire to the ivory keys, surrounding
the last song.

it will sound until the
wind that has been knocked,
kicked, slammed out
of her ceases to blow her
to and fro between
worlds, and
lays to rest her heavy
heart somewhere
in between.

she will not find her way to one,
or the other, and
will drift, arms
splayed, legs
splayed, hair afloat around a nowhere,
nothing face, and
her heavy soul will be forever
lost.

After you leave, I smoke cigarettes until
I can go to the bathroom and
Throw everything up; all these stupid,
Useless feelings, and
They lie in the toilet until
I flush them away.

i have spent
too many days
in a home that is not
mine,

living
in a full house, a
house stuffed full of life, but
in an empty world, and

it is sad
to waste away
slowly,
alone.

what a simple question,
yet one i cannot ask;
why a simple question,
and so delicate a task?

am i a fool to go on this way;
will i be a fool tomorrow?
but what is it that i've to lose -
i've naught to lose but sorrow.

am i seeing things, in your eyes,
am i reading far between the lines;
such simple things, but i cannot bear,
to lose the softness of your hair

and other parts.

am i fooling myself into love,
a love that isn't real;
for you don't seem to understand:
it is i who cannot feel, and

i want, so much
simply to hold your hand,
to feel the tingles of your touch
but i know that you can't understand

that i am so far gone, and

a million worlds away from
your smell, your taste, your touch -
from your love, and i want it so **** much (to stay),
but i

am so far gone, and

a million worlds away

I had Forgotten
about this place, where
we used to sit
together, speculating about
life.

I Found it, today, where we
used to laugh, and
kiss, and
I sat there
alone, feeling the
shadow of only months ago whisper
regrets
into my soul.

Sometimes,
the way that things
come to pass is
beyond my understanding, and
I am torn up,
shredded,
split into a billion directions, unsure of
where they will return to, where
they will go, but

I have Never cried over you.

There was once an empty girl
In a too full world, a girl
Who returned to the Sea.

There was once an empty world
Full of nothing
And a girl who was full of wonder, full

To the brim, about
To overflow
And make a mess, about to

Marr the perfection of
Delusional people, who were so
Full of ****, and full of

Themselves, full of
Everything and
Nothing at all.

happily wander
soaking in the world
and every other option.

seducing
innocents, they drink it in,
**** them in

with illusions
of happiness and
dark eyed children, but

i see your
dark minded
soul.


happily wander
with assurance of
self, but

your
lust is
blinding you, as

is the world.

How hard it is
To say goodbye
When all is left unsaid

How hard it is
To hear you sigh
Unwelcome in my bed

How hard it must be, for you
To have anyone
You choose

How hard it must be, for you
To have everyone
To loose.

Do you remember?
we were as high as it is humanly possible
to be, and the world was
warped,
twisting around us.

I was falling, at first,
into insanity, and
i cried as i realized
that everything was over,
and then

We were holding each other,
and i felt love for the first time
curled up in your arms;
we were
curled up in the worlds arms.

I think i understand now, that
everything just
is.
that you are, and i am
separate.

I think i understood that
i shall never change, the world shall
never change, you shall never
ever
change.

And then you were gone
and i felt our friendship
disintegrate,
obliterated
with your disappearance, and

I died along with it, before
the hospital trip,
before
understanding
everything.