Submit your work, meet writers and drop the ads. Become a member
 
419 · Aug 2014
Sunset drizzles
rachel Aug 2014
Rain is falling on my left
Dark clouds hover over my head
The sun sets to my right

The ground waits longingly for the sun's touch
The sky lights up
And I walk along through the strawberry haze
404 · Aug 2014
Don't run red lights
rachel Aug 2014
I don't know if I'm ready
To lay down my guns and
Declare a truce

I don't know if I'm ready
To open the door for you and
Let you inside the walls

I don't know if I'm ready
For anything other than self-sufficiency

I don't know if I'm ready
To hear that not being ready isn't good enough and
That waiting isn't worth it anymore
rachel Aug 2014
Suburbia haunts me
It's all around
Everywhere I look I see it
Cookie cutter houses
Rich kids and their mansions
Children enjoying the innocence of their youth
As then there's me
I stand watching all of this
Running through the streets of my memory
The alleyways of my childhood
The sun turns to darkness and the shutters close
My eyes, once looking out now look in
And I see it
I see it all
Right there between pain and joy
Suspended in an ever changing state
Confused and abused
Swallowed my nothingness
Spit out by somethingness
Struggling
To stand
To breathe
To move on
390 · Aug 2014
Smile
rachel Aug 2014
You get your picture taken
The person behind the camera says "Smile!"
So you do
They say that if you want a pretty picture you'll smile
So you do
You can show your picture to your friends and family
They'll say,
"Look at that beautiful smile!"
"You look so pretty!"
"You look so happy!"
But that's just it
You LOOK so happy
That's the thing with image
We strive to be beautiful
Thin
Graceful
****.
We think these things will bring us happiness
They don't.
They bring attention.
We are constantly under a microscope
A lens
And everything we do is picked apart piece by piece until our confidence is ripped to shreds and our eyes are raw from tears.
The expectations of the world around us are overwhelming
We are barraged on a daily basis with criticism
Ridicule
Judgement
Harassment
Ignorance
Many of us are capable of treading water until we feel it's safe to swim with the rest
But there are others who slip under the waves and no one stops to help them
No one acknowledges the struggles
The feelings
The pain
The starvation
The cuts.
Our problem is that we don't strive for happiness
Happiness for ourselves and for others
We only strive to appear happy
Many of us succeed
But few of us actually are.
Even fewer of us take the time to consider those who are pretending
Those who smile when they are told
But hurt when they close their bedroom door.

A smile is too beautiful a thing to be left empty.
388 · Aug 2014
Shots fired
rachel Aug 2014
It's crazy how things build up
How quick your emotions get the better of you
After years of suppression
The depression
Closing in on you
Tighter then Joan River's face
Realer than....
****
What's real anymore?
No answer
Lost
Everything
It's all just so lost
387 · Aug 2014
Lightening tongue
rachel Aug 2014
Sullen clouds cry for the people
Watching and fidgeting above
Reign
With the power to turn happiness to drear
They rule
How cruel
Cloud the minds of the young
Electrify the disdain of the wealthy
Strike fear into every susceptible being on the humble lands below
But don't hit me
I'm standing in an open field with nothing around me
Just don't hit me
381 · Aug 2014
Chills
rachel Aug 2014
Reflections of lights on the restless water
Mirroring the yearning in our souls
Nomads bobbing on the surface
Optimistic but never quite satisfied
Thinking ahead but incapable of dwelling in the present
378 · Aug 2014
Here's your change, sir
rachel Aug 2014
Everything changes
We're all so afraid of it
Change
Two becomes three and then four and then...
Sometimes we aren't expecting change
Most of the time, we don't welcome it
Personally, I am obsessed with change
I don't want to stay in one place and settle down
I want to see new places
Try new things
Hear new music
Eat new foods
Meet new people
Create new memories.
I want to come home to dinner with my parents and have new stories to tell
I want change.
Change is my best friend.
When change and I stop getting along, I'll settle down
Quite a change.
I want to finally sit down and watch everything else change while I stay in one spot
I'll let my face change from young to new.
I'll welcome old age with open arms.

Most people are afraid of old age.
The wrinkles, the sagging and the gray hair.
I refuse to age until I have accomplished my dreams
Once I have, I will sit and age.
I am not scared.
What's there to be scared about?
The wrinkles represent so much more than just age.
They represent all the years you have been breathing
All the times spent with your family watching TV on a Saturday night
The years spent running away from reality
The year you met your first love
The year they broke your heart
The year you cried every day
The year you forgot all your problems and saw the world
The year you found a job
The year you had to become an adult
The year you made a new friend
The year you and your friend spent every day together
The year you and your best friend got married
The years you spent together with your family
The years leading up to you, sitting on your porch staring at the same sky that you would stare at every night
That sky never changed.
But you will.
I will.
And I'm not afraid.
377 · Aug 2014
Clothes-minded
rachel Aug 2014
Bare skin
Naked and cold
Vulnerable

Body covered
Clothed and warm
Strong

Our clothes are walls
They are the barriers that shield us from the outside world
As long as we have our clothes on, the world can't truly see us
They hide our imperfections
Our insecurities
Our weaknesses
But in all truth
Clothes are our weakness
It takes a great deal of strength to reveal ones self to any outsider
Away from the safety of our own mirrors
We subject ourselves to another person's critical eye
Their insensitive scrutiny
And under this inspection
We stand
We stand and take it
Strength in its rawest form
In nakedness

Once we shed our clothing, we let someone else inside the walls
We submit to
Love
Trust and
Pain
374 · Aug 2014
War
rachel Aug 2014
War
It's not black
My soul is merely covered
A shadow
The darkness is a front
Facade
Masking the dreams and love
Waiting to explode into the world
Bursting at the seams
All I wait for is Love
But you try to fight it
The shadow is your enemy
You bomb the walls
But they stand
Strong
Acceptance
Stand down and accept
373 · Aug 2014
Yin and yang
rachel Aug 2014
Yin
White sin
Breathe it out
Then breathe it in
I'm upset by the inequality
That this world bathes itself in
The love earth needs we lack
Destroy life to reap rewards
Weight upon our backs
Weakness breaks us
Black sang
Yang
369 · Aug 2014
Taper
rachel Aug 2014
When the sun goes down
all the monsters from
every shady corner
and dark alley
in my mind
close in
365 · Aug 2014
I drive and I thrive
rachel Aug 2014
Frost in my eyes and pain in my chest
Rev it up
The faster I go the more I feel it
The louder the engine the deeper the cuts
I enjoy it

I grin when the wind roars through the window and lands harshly on my face
Embrace
The chilling whisper of the world at 8 o'clock
So dark
So cold
Below 34
Cold but not quite freezing
Reflection
Mirrors my mood
362 · Aug 2014
Thank you
rachel Aug 2014
You are the first person that said "you are beautiful" that I actually believed
362 · Oct 2014
Player 1
rachel Oct 2014
I see you when I close my eyes
I see you when they're open
And I'm trying not to accept the fact that I won't see you again in person
Everything's lucid
I wish I didn't know it
But you ignore me when I wish that you wouldn't
Life drags on
Though you were only a means to an end
But that end hasn't ended and the means was in my head
I understand what cold turkey looks like
I just wish I didn't have to live it
I wasn't worried when we were together
But now you ignore me and I'm hurting
3 am smells of you now
Of cigarettes and natty ice
Of the strength of your body and the weakness of mine
It's time to go
Back out into the cold
The cold that you wake up to when you go off to work
I know that you're a dream
The idea of you that I have
But in reality I had you
For hours in my grasp
And I let you slip
Because I let you have me
And I'm torn up from the turmoil
That you don't care enough to see
rachel Aug 2014
Morning
Halcyon sun
Glorious and radiant
Promising.
The future looks brighter than the sun today
It's blinding.
Step out and burn
Daylight firefight
Shot up
Relentless.
Shoot up
Apprentice
Right hand man
Left arm vein
Swirling
Coursing
Stinging
Burning.
Curtains drawn to hide the truth
Ruthless
The spotlight reveals you
Illuminating the shadiest corners of the soul
The sole reason
Hiding in the daylight
Open the door only to travel by night
No one in sight
Lurking
Slinking
Sinking hopes and crushed dreams
Prosper in the dark
Cold and dead arms hang
Lifelessly.
Long strides
Careful steps
The nighttime attacks like a thief who just pulled you into a dark alley to rob you
Not just of your money, honey.
Out of nowhere and unwelcome
Clammy hands in the eyes of defeat
Hard ground underneath
Thoughts
Creeping
Weeping
Mourning
357 · Aug 2014
Fire
rachel Aug 2014
The flame dances to the thoughts in my head
I am cold and the flame warms me
And I stare
Into the light of the flame
If the flame from this red velvet scented candle was as big as the fire inside me
Well, it could burn a house down
It could burn MY house down
And I would be free
Free to roam
Free to move
Free to dream
Free to create the reality I choose, not the life that was giving to me
With the smoke and the ash I will climb higher and higher
And I will float with the wind
And land wherever the world wills to take me
345 · Aug 2014
Visions
rachel Aug 2014
I see you often
In places that only you can take me
Places I can't bear to be without you

These places are all the same to me

Wind from the wings of butterflies grazes my cheek

My heart burns and beats for you in the hot summer sun

Water rushes over rocks as if that is water's only purpose

Sunlight paints the tops of the leaves on the trees around us

Children splash in the water as we walk by

Joyous laughter from their free voices and minds vibrates through me

Angelic voices engulf me as we drive down the highway at sunset

The breeze whips through my hair as we cruise along

Your hand grasps mine tightly and sways to the music

The nighttime falls quicker than I fell for you, but stays for longer than we have together

The tv echoes in the background as we occupy ourselves elsewhere...

In exploring each other, mind and body.

You are the one place I will always cherish
343 · Aug 2014
Ticket to Hell
rachel Aug 2014
Time
My biggest squander
I fill my time with wishes and dreams of wander
Only to stay in the same place
I keep it in
Contained

I feed my dreams with false hope
Sustained

I refrain from admittance of my problem and therefore remain the source of my failure
In denial, undeniable creature
Self-titled preacher
Unrecognized
Pointless, "not worth the money"
feature

Penniless and breathless at the edge of no return
Looking at the possibility of happiness from the sadness in the clouds
My high hopes carried me with them as they soared to the heavens
The only glimpse of Heaven I will ever get is then
Hopefully a different fate awaits me when I land in Hell
341 · Aug 2014
Crushing velvet
rachel Aug 2014
Sinking and sparkling // soothing
Beneath such a glinting eye
Pulling and falling with every crushing blunder
Under the thunder
Resisting // whispering
Seemingly screaming loudly in the silence
Does it make a noise if no one is there?
Carefully clashing while crestfallenly caressing
The limit // the highest and the lowest
The crest lulls // the crescent pulls
Pushing to the edge
Tug of war is an act of much more
When there's nowhere and everywhere to fall.
341 · Aug 2014
Noir to be found
rachel Aug 2014
Noir
I know who you are

Hide in the darkness and love in the light
Bask in the right

Love in the wrong
Heart's a song

Beautiful but can't be held
Can't be seen in truth
White and black meld

Into a gray puddle of confusion
Chaos
Bass drops into your stomach like a stone

Electricity pulses energy through your veins
Back to the refrain
Strain
340 · Aug 2014
Cleary
rachel Aug 2014
I laid down
He laid next to me.  
My face was in the pillow but I knew he was facing me.
I told him he was stupid
He told me I was more stupid
We battled like this
With raspy voices
Windpipes drenched in alcohol
The lingering aftermath of **** in his lungs
I could hear it in his voice.
That rasp was the most beautiful sound to me
In that moment and in every dream I've ever had of that moment.
I just never thought it would be him.

Our battle drifted off as he fell asleep
His last words were uttered in a raspy daze
"You're an idiot..."
And with that he put his arm around me, resting his hand on my arm.  
I felt warm
Cradled in the most complicated and innocent moment I've ever experienced.

I didn't fall asleep that night
339 · Aug 2014
The island of...
rachel Aug 2014
Everyone seems to feel bizarre
Unaccepted and misunderstood
But that loneliness that we find inside our souls
Is only in our heads
We all share this
And therefore we all have others on this earth that relate to us
Connect to us
We are each others' lonesome companions
Whether we have been acquainted or not
There is unity in being misfits
335 · Aug 2014
Bride
rachel Aug 2014
My eyes are open
I see white
White everywhere
My dress is white
My shoes are white
The sheets on the bed
White
But I feel like a different color
I feel red
Red for pain
Red for bloodshed
Red for love
Red for passion
I feel weak yet strong
Red
I look down as I walk
I am ashamed
I keep my head down
No one can see into me now
My secrets are safe
I stop walking
The end of my journey is here
The beginning of a new one is a step away
I take that step and look up
I see his face
His beautiful, scarred face
What happened to him?
Where did he get those scars?
I look back down
I see my flowing white dress
I see his black tuxedo
We are opposites
In every way
My hands are warm and sticky
I look back down and see blood
Red blood
All over my hands
What's happening?!  
I look in front of me
Gone
Fallen
Lying on the ground
I feel panic
Chaos
Adrenaline
Fear
Red
I close my eyes and wish to wake up from this nightmare
I close them tightly
I refuse to open them until I am safe
Back to where I was
Where he was sitting next to me on the way home
Perfectly alive
Laughing and smiling
This place is peaceful
My reality
I feel a jolt
A shock runs through my body
My eyes focus
I feel heavy
Yet full of life
I want to wake up
And see him there
Am I ready?
My eyes flutter open
I see white
Bright lights in my face
Freedom
The nightmare is gone
I feel something in my hand
I look to see what it is
He is holding my hand
Keeping me grounded
Keeping me safe
I look up to his face and begin to cry
He sees me and kisses me for a lifetime
As if we have been apart for ages
I feel his joy
I am alive
Grateful
Pure
White
333 · Aug 2014
Time
rachel Aug 2014
Time has been an innocent bystander in the collection of regrets I call my life
Time has been neither a friend nor an enemy
Until now

Time allowed me to grow
It allowed me to realize who I am
That I am a result of all the time spent on molding the glob of clay that is me

Time brought me to this point
This place in my life where I have a job
College
A promising future
Aspirations
Confidence
And Ethan.

Time has given me my life

Time has moved so slowly
It is only when I look back that I realize how quick it has all been
It isn't until now that I wish time would stop
Slow down
Change course and leave me alone

Time has given me Ethan
But time hasn't given me enough of itself
That stingy *****.
I have only a small pile of sand left with him before the hourglass is flipped and I must move on
Time will take him away from me

Time, who once was my silent acquaintance, has grown jealous of the life it has given me
Time is of the essence
And Time is my Enemy #1
328 · Aug 2014
Lonely Is The Name
rachel Aug 2014
I'm starving myself  
My stomach grumbles every few minutes
It's nice to feel
Something
Sammy Davis Jr. - We'll be together again
324 · Aug 2014
Translucent
rachel Aug 2014
You're just a shade of invisible
I can see right through you
Are you even there or are you carried by the wind?
I call out your name and I hear the echo of
Empty rooms and the feelings deep within
Shudder the shutters
And make the branches creak
You're screaming but you're neverpresent
On a sleepless night streak
Upset and ****** red
Glassy eyes and shattered heart
You step back and I know this but I still reach out into the dark
321 · Aug 2014
Blue Velvet
rachel Aug 2014
It's soft and it's sinking
Like that feeling in your gut before your lips brush
Or your hands touch

It's that feeling you get when the wind caresses you
Or when it rips through your hair
Relieving your mind and ridding your soul of pain

The fear you feel when you fall
Is nothing compared to the emptiness of the blue velvet sky
The never ending darkness stretches on

It's when your mind travels so far you can't find where you began

It's the fear of looking back

It's the solemn song of trees
As the angels' tears fall

It's the booming voices calling out
And the crashing of dreams as they are thrown away

It's the rush of everything spiraling out of control

It's the silence
The still
The calm after the storm
The caress of the water as I drift off to sleep

The blue velvet
316 · Aug 2014
No grey
rachel Aug 2014
Nothing is as clean cut as black or white
Choose a side and regret it later.
Choose black
Join us in the darkness
And continue to long for the sun.
Choose white
Bask in the sunlight
Enjoy your choice for a small while
Until you get burned
Then you search with squinted eyes for the shadows you left behind.
314 · Aug 2014
Melody
rachel Aug 2014
Music takes me to different places
Makes me think of old faces
Spaces in between the lines I wish I had crossed
Traces of his scent lingering on my sweatshirt

It used to take me far away
Far from the cold place
The time in my life that was empty and a waste
I couldn't wait to get away

It would take me to the first summer I could drive
Blinded by the sunlight
Windows down and no one on sight
Warm air at the end of the night

Now it takes me to him
To the sweet fruit and the smoke
A haze all around us
The bass vibrating in my chest
By heart racing while he's next to me
The music taking me away; taking me with it
Everything that I feel when I'm with him excites me
The music
Oh how it reminds me
312 · Aug 2014
Our song
rachel Aug 2014
Can we go back?
Back to the days of uniforms and recess
Soft pretzels and footsies
Joking and smiling
Loving and crying

I remember your face like it has always been
How it was that first day
We were so close to the ground yet still standing tall
Young and mindless
But I could feel it
I knew you were special
I've loved you for ages
But you never noticed

I held your hand
I made you smile
You made me dream
You made me sigh
We made each other laugh
I saw the mischievous look in your eye
I could tell you were on the verge of erupting into laughter

You made my heart sing
It's a song I haven't heard in a while
Play it for me.
308 · Aug 2014
Heaven
rachel Aug 2014
Conscious
Consciously taking
And breaking

Subconscious
Subconsciously lying
And flying

Freeing and fleeing
From the hopes and despairs
Contradictions I've spared

My mind from
Inside I'm a conundrum
Slum

Streets and alleys that your mom warns you not to go down
But you go down anyway
Slinking and stinking
With the stench of up to no good
The new hood
Keep your white *** out of the darkness
Say nothin
Bring your black skin over and join the fun
Learn to run
Before the red and blue wise up
Don't let them.

Don't let me catch you
Don't let me catch you writing on the walls
Shooting up the streets
Dirtying the minds and corrupting the eyes of the young ones

I'll take it back
We will run this town
Take back what was never yours to begin with and rename it
"Heaven"
rachel Nov 2014
The autumn leaves
Falling around me like rain
Like snow
Like the changing seasons and the changing tides inside my mind
They make me want to dance
They make me want to run through piles of leaflets bathed in words from the heart,
Love songs written in a flourish as if the world was ending
As if the ground was ablaze, ready to engulf me and char the pages on the ground

The leaves crunch in the most beautiful symphony
Composed by some entity of genius
They lie on the ground in all their colorful splendor
And they humbly rest
Waiting for the snow to fall
For the winter wind to freeze them and carry them away
307 · Aug 2014
Soul awaits for soul mates
rachel Aug 2014
I crave friendship
Companionship
Love
Acceptance

I search for anyone who may reciprocate
I attempt to connect
I always fail

Once
Just once I hope to succeed
And find in someone the closest friend I could've ever hoped to make

I know I'll wait an eternity
No one ever steps up to the plate
Everyone is too scared to swing first
God forbid you miss
Take that ******* risk
What's there to lose?
Only something you never actually had
And if you win...

I have grown content with the notion that I will be the only one that will understand me
And even I don't fully accept myself
Tweaks here and there
Things I constantly want to fix or change or eliminate completely
Just give up and conform already

Never.

I'm not looking for tight hugs or long kisses or even loving eyes
I'm looking for a place, rather, a person to feel connected to
Is that person you?
302 · Aug 2014
Circa
rachel Aug 2014
Dark and looming

Symphonies creeping

My night cascading over my body

My day retreating from my heart

The warmth, with each breath, escapes me screaming

The tingling cold sets in quickly

Before my mind realizes

Before I can adapt

Completely immersed in a warm chill

A comforting darkness with only loneliness to keep me company

My thoughts are swarming and swirling around me

Protruding from every crack and chasm in my soul

Swiftly filling the spaces

Filling to the brim and I burst

Overflowing with a lust for wander

Full of wonder
298 · Aug 2014
Sunnies
rachel Aug 2014
I love sunglasses
I love that I can put them on and they shield me
But more than I love wearing them
I love taking them off
Basking in the sunlight
Taking it all in
Occasionally blinding myself for the sake of seeing the beauty
Revealing a perspective that is not caged by frames
Not dimmed by tinted lenses
But freed by the open air
The slight breeze moving through my fluttering eyelashes
Unprotected and fragile
294 · Aug 2014
I created him on a whim
rachel Aug 2014
A worn pair of Toms.
He places them carefully to the side and rolls up his jeans

I watch him carefully sit down next to me

We stare at the water for a minute with our feet dangling 

The sun is shining and setting reluctantly. 

“It’s beautiful today, don’t you think?”

He says, trying to start a conversation

I ponder for a moment

A moment too long perhaps

Then respond with a casual “yes”.

We spent hours on that dock

Talking about our families and our lives

I laughed more than I have ever laughed

We talked about music

About how music is better on vinyl that you buy from that record store you found one lonely night in December. 

I cried about life 

About goals I’ve never reached

He held my hand and cried with me 
We were alone together. 


I finally looked up from our small place on the sea and noticed the moon

It was watching quietly from its place above

There were people on the street far behind us

String lights hung above tables of outdoor restaurants 

Buses whizzing by

A ship gliding away

Embarking on journeys unknown

Or journeys ruled by routine

I felt like that ship 

Controlled by my life but not knowing what that life was, what it is or what it will be

I only hoped in that moment that he was a part of it.
I look over at his Toms

I see years of walking

Different places, many streets

Grass stains and dirt

I see a life lived fully and full of adventure

I think I’m in love.
He reaches for his Toms and begins to get up

My face falls with my heart and 
I prepare for goodbye

For the friendly eyes to look at mine for the last time

I swear to myself that I’ll remember them. 

He lends me a hand and pulls me up
He asks me if I like coffee
 and I say no 

He chuckles and takes me to a bar
We pass stumbling drunks 

A couple hooking up in a daze
College kids who are excited and too rowdy

The best parts of life outside a bar with a shamrock in the window. 

No girly drinks, no *******

We drink and we talk 

He kicks my *** in pool

Then he lets me win and buys me another drink

We stay until last call

Then we venture out 
together into the world
With our fingers intertwined

Sweaty and covered in blue chalk

We walk down the road 

Until we reach the front door of my building

I stop

I look up and consider saying goodbye

I see his eyes 


I decide to keep walking.
292 · Aug 2014
Drown
rachel Aug 2014
Water is a blanket for the drowning
A comfort while you sink
It cradles you to sleep
Your eyes fall closed
Your mind drifts away with the waves
The light burns your eyes
As you slowly awake
White everywhere
A heavenly cliche
A light and the beginning of the tunnel
The start of a new life
His presence
Warm and loving
Forgiving
He lifts you up and takes you with him
He saves you from the wreck
292 · Aug 2014
Wrap me
rachel Aug 2014
Speak with your fingertips
Spread your words all over my skin
Up and down my arms
Leave remnants of sentiments lingering in my hair
Give me each word carefully
Speak them gently
And leave them with me forever.
Wrap me in your thoughts
So that you are always with me
288 · Aug 2014
Advice
rachel Aug 2014
It's really hard having these feelings
And being in your own way
Stopping yourself from knowing
Doing
Being.
It's debilitating
Wandering helplessly trying to find the way around the back
Trying to find how to sneak up on yourself and whack yourself across the back of the head
Escape
Seek freedom to feel however you want
Do whatever you want.
My day dreams need to become reality
They can be
I'm not asking a lot
But I get in front of myself and I talk myself onto a ledge
Convince myself that choosing to have what I want is dangerous and full of irreversible consequence
That stepping over the line is stepping over the edge of the building
The end of my world reaching towards me
Getting closer as I fall towards cold pavement

Stop.

Lift yourself up
Dust yourself off
Fix your hair and put on your mascara
Take on the world.
Get your dream
He's probably sitting in a coffee shop
Probably out somewhere carrying his camera
Hopefully he's sitting at that spot you just found at the park
He's got his sunglasses on
Holding his guitar
Cuffed jeans
Waiting.
285 · Aug 2014
Ms. Fortune
rachel Aug 2014
She always shows up at the worst of times
Telling me the bad news that I thought I would finally be able to avoid
She brings me down
Steals the hope from any and every moment of my life
Thanks

She's the kind of woman who feeds off of pain
Her mouth waters at the sound of a stifled cry
She finds joy in sadness
And appropriately so
She is the drop dead devil everyone trusts
Her hair is the color of the sun
The lonely, burning hot sun who sits pretty in the sky all alone
Solace
Searching
Occupying herself with her terrorizing antics
Go home *****

Life without her is cold and dark
And beautiful
Life with her is hot and blinding
And scorching

I live with her and she lives with me
I hate every second of it
But she clings on for dear life
And I'm the kind of person who just can't say no
You're welcome.
272 · Aug 2014
Brian
rachel Aug 2014
Words don't mean anything anymore
They are as insignificant as each breath that you take
They mean nothing
Nothing.

You meant everything to me
Your words used to be my life
So beautiful
So true
But now
Now they fall on closed ears.
Your tongue hesitates to spit them out
You fights to steal them back before you make another mistake
At least someone cares for you

Grab your lighter and a pack of answers and run
To the edge of the white trash town we sleep in
Light one after the other and wait
Wait for me to come running or for the answers to start flowing or for God to reveal himself
I never do.
They never come.
He never does.
Draw in some more poison and spit that poison right back out at me.
In
Inhale the smoke
Damage the one ally you still have
The only thing keeping you alive
Out
Exhale the ******* that you wish you could say to yourself
But you're a coward.
That's alright
I understand
I've always understood
But your words had always made staying worth it
Not anymore
Bull-*******-****.
I've contemplated running
Hell I've even tried
But you look at me with those deep, deep blues and I stay
I stay right where I'm standing and I stare
I try to read those eyes
I can see it
The betrayal
You know your tongue has betrayed you
That ******* *****
But you won't admit to anything
Your tongue won't allow it
Your mouth only finds the strength to form around a cigarette
Burn out the life in you
Force yourself to cave
Collapse
Sacrifice for all the things you've said
For all the hurt you know I feel.
You bring me down and I bring you down
I hold you up and you, without knowing it, hold me up
The constant cycle intertwines us
I can't leave
How could I leave?
I won't and you know it
And so your words mean nothing.
269 · Aug 2014
The time of the season
rachel Aug 2014
The spring wind
Sang songs of life to me
And taught me to smile
At the break of the sun

The summer wind
Gave sweet things to me
And let me dream of sunshine
And I laughed to the sky

The autumn wind
Whispered words to me
And carried my heart above the trees
Only to fall with the dying leaves

The winter wind
Cried out to me
I held my breath
And watched the world die around me

The cool wind
Reached out to me
It carried my soul
And let me be joyful once again
266 · Oct 2014
Silence
rachel Oct 2014
I've been lying in bed for hours.
I don't see the point in getting up
How can I possibly live my life when you're gone?

I feel selfish
Spoiled that I'm still alive
I'm an awful person
If you aren't breathing anymore, why is it that I have that privilege?

It makes me wonder
It makes me angry
To even consider that there is a God
How can He exist if people as amazing as you are taken from this earth?

My breathing is lackluster in the dim light
The weight of blankets on my body buries me
That's how it should be
I feel your pain

I know I won't see you again
You belong in heaven and I will go to hell (if there are such places)
But in my heart I can remember you
With our memories I can laugh with you again
And in my dreams I can see you smile as if nothing happened.
Yesterday morning my good friend Stephen passed away. He was hit by a drunk driver the night before. He was an amazing person. I miss him dearly. Rest in peace Stephen.
262 · Aug 2014
Inspired
rachel Aug 2014
Inspiration stems from connection
My connection is disconnected
Reaching towards different things and places...and people
My inspiration is cold when I'm warm
It is loneliness when all I have is company
It is comfort when I am uncomfortable
It takes me to far off places
258 · Aug 2014
Free
rachel Aug 2014
In more skin than clothing
This girl soared.
257 · Aug 2014
Florasia
rachel Aug 2014
Drawing circles on your arm…

Tracing figure eights that become smaller and gentler as I make my way to your hand

I look over and I see your left hand leave the wheel 

You try to hide that you’re wiping away the trails of your tears

But I know you see me looking. 

I can tell that this song means more to you each time we listen to it

Maybe it’s the melody

Maybe it’s the lyrics

Maybe it’s because I am singing along,

Singing to you

That I know every word 

That it is obvious how many times I have listened to this song just to get the lyrics right

How many times I’ve fallen asleep with this song buzzing through my headphones

And my veins

How many times I’ve cried to this song because of how relevant it is to us

And our situation

Our unfortunate lack of time
252 · Aug 2014
Thoughts
rachel Aug 2014
Why is it that our harshest memories, the ones we try so hard to suppress, are the ones that we are unable to forget? These glimpses of our past, windows into our shadowy souls, stay vivid and persistent. No matter how much we try,  we cannot cage the animals or stop the flooding images from drowning our thoughts.  
      I have this one image, a face in a gray and rainy place, where my one biggest regret lies. The face creeps into my vision, casting a shadow on the rest of the world for a minute, just until I find the key and lock it back inside. The way that it, he, rushes back is what gets me. It is as if the moment is a reunion, where both of us run into each others arms and rekindle past months. But in reality, where I choose to live only a fraction of my days, we don't know each other. We never did. But yet, I feel the weight of him on me, as if I do know him, as if I bare his soul on my back. He is so heavy, and I feel that he wants me to share his life, his lies. There is just too much for one person to handle, and he has chosen me to lift him up and share the misery.
This is more of a thought; an observation.
247 · Aug 2014
Empty hands
rachel Aug 2014
Your lips
Move with
Anger

Screaming
Into
My soul

You breathe in and breathe out
Stealing from my lungs

With no air and no life
I fall into your arms

So hold me with your cold hands and your dull heart in your full chest
Speak loud with your dead words and your blank eyes in your black mind

Hold me in your still soul
Hold me like its easy
246 · Aug 2014
Spencer Rd
rachel Aug 2014
Memory
A smell
A sound
A deep feeling

The way the sunlight grazes your face
The sound that the leaves make under your bare feet
The cool nagging of fall in the breeze
The slow setting of the summer sun

Walk
And just keep on walking
Until the night moves in
And your skin chills

Run
Run back home
And brace yourself
For the coming storm
Next page