that since day one, she's already had everything she needs within herself. it's the world that convinced her she did not.

i worry for what we have may not be enough
that one day my smile will not shine the same for him
as it does on this very day
i worry that he won't see how much my heart
cares so deeply for his touch
and craves his soul
i worry i am not as good as she was
that my presence does not flow into words
like hers did
i worry that my heart will always be broken from the last
time i loved
where i could never break through him
but instead
i only broke myself

(1)
My heart fell into his hands
That bright September morning

(17)
Wild flowers bloom in my chest
As he stares from across the room

(76)
I always loved how you always finished my sentences
(And I love you t-)

(210)
His eyes lit up brighter than the galaxy
And I shut my eyes tight
To prove to myself
I am the only supernova in his eyes

(308)
Day seemed to shift too quickly
Into night
Where the stars are masked by the
Impeding clouds

(501)
He left the lights on and the flowers unwatered

(634)
He said he could live without me
Yet
He's still breathing while I drown

(789)
You are in my heart
But I am not in yours

(901)
Weeds weaved in the crevice of my bones
2:31 stays by my side

(1,105)
Time no longer stands still when he looks over me
Whispering his perpetual love

(1,256)
He brings me flowers to prove the pain behind his smile is inexistent

(1,427)
How could I have fallen in love with a boy who
Could never have the capacity to love me, too

(1,582)
He tells me how much better I could be without him
Yet these last one thousand five hundred and eighty two days
All I crave is you

"i don't want to have you
to fill the empty parts of me
i want to be full on my own
i want to be so complete
i could light a whole city
and then
i want to have you
because the two of us combined
could set it on fire"

"it was when i stopped searching for a home
within others
and lifted the foundations of home
within myself
i found there were no roots more intimate
than those between a mind and body
that have decided to be whole"

Forgiveness is a funny thing
It warms the heart
And cools the sting

—  *William Arthur Ward

His calm, cool kiss awakens me each August morning
Does he love me?
His weary rays struggle to bring warmth

Others shield themselves from his light
But I've learned to accept
He will burn my porcelain skin

He kisses me good night
I feel a guilt-ridden relief
As I watch him slowly fade away

I put my head to my pillow and shut my eyes tight
Because maybe
Just maybe
His rays will go away

Each night I fell more in love with the night sky
I watched the stars burn in solitude
But somehow I always missed
His burning kiss

my intention was nothing more than to shed a light across your heart

I breathe you in
The sensation of your love creeped out of my veins and into the fog
Creating a whirlpool of secretion
I cleared a path
The fog hissed
Never leave me
Your breath begins to trace my neck
I am escaping as fast as I can, through the faded night sky.
I breathe you in and out
The fog is taking over my lungs
All I can think about was eyes
How always turned *grey as soon as I said goodbye
Your lips stayed sealed as I reached out for your embrace

In the fullness of time I found a clear path out of the fog and into the light
"I should've left you years ago"

*I breathe you out.

Every day the clock slows down at 9
It is on that time that the birds chirp
They chirp such a melody in my ears
But I cannot hear I can only see
The world bow down where she is

His voice rings in my ears
When I hear the sound of the rain
He sails through my mind
Grasping hold and taking control
Of my heart

As the world rises from its feet
The birds silence when she looks up
Every bit of her is the opposite of every bit of me
Her face is like an infinite, unmatched

He calls my name over and over
His voice ignites through my veins.
Flowers bloom in my soul
And weave around my heart.
He whispers,
"Never let me go"

She glances my way setting me ablaze
No matter how bright I burn
She always burns brighter
And now she walks over to me
To put out the flame

He lights a match
And burns me from the inside out.
In the snowy Decembers he leaves me in the cold
And watches me burn

She once whispered in my ear,
"Forever and more"
And now if you look at me
You cast your glance far away;
I was once your favorite toy

He's waiting by the door
As I burn to pieces inside
He's cold
On the inside and out;
He was always waiting for a girl
Who didn't burn

Now to you I'm not even a teenage boy
And yet when I see you I still burn for you
But now I am left here with nobody to put me out

"I always loved you" she said
"You were always the fire in my rain," he said
*"But I could never love you too"

(1)
Just like that,
My heart fell into your hands.

(17)
Mid September,
Wild flowers bloomed
Deep within my soul.
The sun drowned in light,
The moon shone across the stars.

(76)
I finally realized
Why I walk on the street
Instead of the side walk
And why I stay up all night
Watching the stars
Instead of dreaming of the moon.
I loved how
You always finished my sentences,
And I love you t-

(119)
I counted all the stars
And I gave up
After 32.
I decided to dream of you
Instead of the moon.

(210)
His eyes lit up brighter than the galaxy
And I prayed that I was the only
Supernova in his eyes

(308)
Slowly
Day becomes night
And the clouds are covering the stars.
The moon doesn't exist in my dreams
Anymore.

(501)
Where have you been, good friend?
Why have you left me here
With no warning?
Why are the flowers
Unwatered?

(634)
He said he couldn't
Live without me
Yet somehow,
He's still breathing
And I'm drowning

(789)
You are in my heart
But I am not in yours

(901)
The wild flowers turned to weeds
As summer turned to fall.
2:31am
Crept closer to me

(1,105)
Time stands still
As you stand in front of me
Telling me lies.
Don't finish my sentences
Because I still love y-

(1,256)
Don't tell me that you love me
Because I knew you never did.
Stop lying
And let me free.
The flowers that grew in my soul
Have turned to dead weeds,
Suffocating my heart.

(1,427)
I counted all the stars
And only found two.

(1,581)
Maybe it's true-
Some people were meant to fall in love,
But not meant to be together.

(1,582)
The weeds are tangled,
The moon escaped from my heart.
I counted all the stars that I could find,
And only found one.
Maybe I should just move on from you.

I looked at him,
And he was so beautiful.
The way his eyes told me a story
The way his eyes told me the truth.

I looked at her,
And she was so beautiful.
The way her hair flicks of her shoulders,
The way her hair hid half of her insecure face.

As I looked at him,
I knew I needed him.
Everyday,
Every night.

As I looked at her,
I knew I wanted to be with her.
Everyday,
Every night.

I don't know what he thinks of me,
Or even what I think of myself.

I don't know what she thinks of me,
Or even what I think of myself.

All I do know is,
I love how he makes me feel.
Effortless,
Graceful.

All I do know is,
I love how she makes me feel.
Reckless,
Hopeful.

But yet,
I am always sad
I am not with him,
And probably never will be.

But yet,
I am sometimes sad,
We are not together,
And probably never will be.

Holding on
For years;
Dangling
Fighting
Struggling,
Through snowy Decembers,
Lights strung up
branch to branch,
Through awakened April's
tulips reaching skyward
Through smoggy Augusts
Blonde beauty's sunbathing in the grass
The leaf had seen it all
But in the blink of an eye
The tree became old
The roots became withered
As did the leafs grip on the branch
And a final autumn
Came to rest in the air
And the leaf began
Reminiscing of being green
And full of life again,
It continued to let go
More
And more,
Until one day,
the leaf fell from the tree.
Brown
And shriveled
Falling
And sailing
Through the breeze.
Once the leaf changed its color,
It did not go back.
The leaf will never be attached
To the branch ever again.
So there it stayed,
Lying on the ground
Tossing and turning,
For another eternity.
-----------------------
He seems happy
I should just let go