To my ex-lover who told me I'd be much more beautiful if I wasn't so heavy
You'd be much more pleasant if you weren't so ignorant.
I gave myself to you as I stripped every layer of my conscience off
Lying out in front of you
You were the first person I let see my stomach
To run your hands over each scar on my body
That map out my childhood
One for the first time I dieted at eight years old
One for the first time my father ridiculed me for my weight in public
One for the man who touched me prematurely
Causing me to bleed from the inside out
Until my body was submerged in crimson
And I long to feel something on the inside again
Whether it be feathers or needles.
He taught me to settle for men like you
Because with you, I can feel daggers.
As you touched my *******,
They amazed you
Why are the sacks of fat and tissue and fluid on my chest
So much different than the cushion around my midsection?
I should not be seen as parts of a whole
As threads that can be manipulated into something more pleasing to the eye
I am an entire person
And my womanhood is not for industry
For foreplay
A *** toy fit to meet the needs of every man who lays his hands on me.
The glimmer in your eye during *** made me shutter
And maybe that's why I turned away last time
Because that shine was selfishness
All you saw me as was your pin cushion
That you could stick knives in
And I would be willing
You could put all your aesthetic expectations into me
And I would absorb them without a fight.
You must not know me at all
I have gasoline in my mouth
And when you tell me to sit down and shut up
It is the flame ignited.
Just as they say I'm loud in bed
Maybe the reason is that too many men
Have tried to shove cotton down my throat
Failing to drown me out
Telling me my voice is merely static
Telling me I am anything but beautiful
Well, I hear beauty is in they eye of the beholder
And my eyes are the only ones that matter.