Nov 2014
"Be a good girl"
"Don't play around with boys, and don't be played around by them"
"Learn how to cook and clean"
"Study every minute of your life so you can get a well paying job"
Listen here,
I am not happy!
I have broken down more than you can imagine.
I have been suffering with depression for 4 years!
4 years!
Imagine the constant pain and agony I have been enduring from not being able to share my burdens with you
I have been used and abused so many times.
I have hated myself as a sister, a daughter, a friend, and most importantly a woman.
I have attempted suicide and the only person who cared enough was my 2 year old sister.
You remind me everyday how I cannot confide in you,
How I cannot need you for emotional support as my parents
How I cannot cry on your shoulders
Because I will be brutally castigated for being as broken as I am.
in my darkest times, although I didn't turn to boys, alcohol or drugs,
I found comfort in depression,
I found comfort in drowning
Because I could not find comfort in you.
If you had taken the time to talk to me about anything either than my grades.
If you had taken the time to thoroughly look at me.
Look at me as your baby girl.
Your baby girl that you held for the first time and vowed to protect and aid 'till your dying day.
I choose to take a break from being in the house for a few days
Because I need a break from people who do not take note of the unhappiness that overwhelms me.
For once, I just want to break down in your arms without being in fear that I will be the enemy in the house.
It has been hard to feel like I'm enough for even myself because
I have never, and will never feel like I am enough for you guys.
And Everyday I'm reminded of how I have failed you as a daughter.
"Don't play around with boys, and don't be played around by them"
"Learn how to cook and clean"
"Study every minute of your life so you can get a well paying job"
Listen here,
I am not happy!
I have broken down more than you can imagine.
I have been suffering with depression for 4 years!
4 years!
Imagine the constant pain and agony I have been enduring from not being able to share my burdens with you
I have been used and abused so many times.
I have hated myself as a sister, a daughter, a friend, and most importantly a woman.
I have attempted suicide and the only person who cared enough was my 2 year old sister.
You remind me everyday how I cannot confide in you,
How I cannot need you for emotional support as my parents
How I cannot cry on your shoulders
Because I will be brutally castigated for being as broken as I am.
in my darkest times, although I didn't turn to boys, alcohol or drugs,
I found comfort in depression,
I found comfort in drowning
Because I could not find comfort in you.
If you had taken the time to talk to me about anything either than my grades.
If you had taken the time to thoroughly look at me.
Look at me as your baby girl.
Your baby girl that you held for the first time and vowed to protect and aid 'till your dying day.
I choose to take a break from being in the house for a few days
Because I need a break from people who do not take note of the unhappiness that overwhelms me.
For once, I just want to break down in your arms without being in fear that I will be the enemy in the house.
It has been hard to feel like I'm enough for even myself because
I have never, and will never feel like I am enough for you guys.
And Everyday I'm reminded of how I have failed you as a daughter.
Its quite evident that this is addressed to my parents, and I'm sure the day they read this poem I will either be disowned, beaten, given the cold shoulder for months on end or have harsh words thrown at me. I'll have to be forced to feel sorry for the way that I feel. There is no doubt in my mind that they are the best people to be my parents & I thank God for that, I just pray that they could have made me feel like I am enough before all the crap that has happened to me.
