and now i can't get to the bottom of where these bad feelings are coming from. i can't tell if i'm frustrated that i miss you, or if i'm upset at something you said; maybe i'm angry with myself for not being able to trust you yet; i just keep thinking the end is near, and i hate thinking like this, hate trying to predict the future.

i just want to enjoy you now, love you now.
but these feelings are blurring my need for you,
it feels like these other wretched, horrible, scary feelings are overwhelming
my love for you and im beginning to lose sight again
of what's important.

i miss you so much.
i really, really, really do. but there are these demons that are slowly chewing me
up, swallowing me piece by piece every day.
i'm beginning to forget how much you love me,
i'm beginning to forget that i ever loved you at all
because i am so selfish, that i'm allowing these thoughts in my
head to overpower everything. every thing. i can't do it.
i need you here. i need you i need you i need you
and i think that's it, i wish you were here to hold me love
and tell me that it's all in my head, i really need you
even though i told you to leave me and live life, to go somewhere
else

baby im just so ashamed that i need you this much,
i hate myself for it because i've grown up with these values
to depend on no one - NO ONE - but myself
but i am constantly letting myself down
but you, you, you are so competent and able and the one
sure thing ever and i am horrified that i need you more than you
need me. it scares me. it's so scary.