I've been wasting fall, preparing for the winter.
and it ***** to miss out on the best season,
but I just know that winter
will be so **** cold.

happiness starts with some weird chemical reactions
in the brain and is carried by electrons
where it ends with some weird tension
of the muscles around the mouth but I
learned in electronics that electrons
will only travel in a complete circuit
   so logically:
if I smile, I should feel happy but
        it doesn't work

and I've spent too long thinking
that I'm too privileged for my
depression to be real.

at least when you leave,
my (previously our) room
won't look too different, because
you never bothered to move in the things
that make a place home.
I'll fill the empty drawers somehow.

I know that I need to be stronger and I try but
          it doesn't work

and trying gets hard when my eyes are so dry
and trying gets hard when the crickets are so loud
and trying gets hard when my body
   is in so much ******* pain all the time

I wish you had gotten me
  an anniversary present.

I wish you would call me
so I could know for sure you didn't
die in a tragic car accident.

   I'd give you everything I've got,
for a little piece of pie.