I've been staring at you all day, my lonely little scar;
The first I ever made on myself,
And the deepest by far.
I made you two nights ago with tears running down my eyes.
I made you when I didn't care whether I was dead or alive.
Lonely awful cut on my thigh;
Now you've collected some friends and you add up to five.
You're my secret.
If anyone ever sees you I'll be on suicide watch, again.
I made you because I'm weak,
And I am too afraid of my own voice to even speak-
In my defense.
And I cannot alone bear all my inner demons.
I guess that's why I cut you out some friends.
See, my parents say I'm normal-
Like they don't know I'm crazy.
My old boyfriend said I'd be okay-
But he was one of the main ones to hurt me.
**** it all, I just want to be happy.
Momma says I'm lazy,
And daddy's not so worried about me,
Cuz they don't know the half of it.
I am ever just trying so hard to please them.
Why would I tell them they've got such a ****** up kid?
I watched my blood trickle down like rain,
And it took my mind off the pain.
I made my outsides match my insides.
Little slice in my skin, why do you think I made you somewhere I could hide?
Would it help anyone at all if I admit I'm not better?
Is it still a cry for help if it's just a whisper?
Or if I don't tell anyone?
They can't ever know what I've done.
So I'll write it in a poem,
So I'll never need to tell them.
And I promise it'll be one of the worst things I've ever written,
Cuz for once I don't feel this in words, just raw emotion.
Lonely little scar,
No one can know but I'm falling apart.