In regards to this boy I'm introducing
Part 3 to the 6 year rant that I'm logging.
After awhile I began warming
To his quiet affectionate persisting.
I took his hand on rare occasion
Kissed him with some hesitation
Poured my soul for him to see
Until he asked me to meet his family.
I mean, he had met mine
And that was fine
But I had no clue how to find.
That good impression I had long left behind
It's buried deep in my careless mind.
His mother and father kept up with their time
His sister, like him, was very shy.
I tried to dress like I had my life
Under control and tried to pass off the lie.
It seemed strange to me
That this boy I claimed to be loathing
Was slowly creeping inside and splitting
My delicate chaos so orderly.
He comforted me in what I thought was my prime
When I saw my gang wise counterpart die.
He knew my siblings with a smile and said
Wouldn't it be great if our families converged?
I took it with a grain of salt
Because I thought his convictions would slow with a grinding halt.
Taking every secret I parted with
Inside himself and pulled strength from it.
Thinking I was meant for him
If I changed my ways...and for him I did.
I found it within myself
To leave that life I vowed never to live without.
To kick the habits and the foul mouth
And try to commit to god and be devout.
Went to church
Said my grace
Greeted my trials with a smiling face.
Took my chances just to see
Who god intended me to be.
I had faith and started to dream
I had hope
Silly me
As soon as I latched onto to praying scene
That's when his resolve started slipping.
And all if it was thanks to me.
I was rubbing off on him while he was rubbing off on me.
Boys will be boys
With the girls that they chase
While my thoughts turned pure
His turned less chaste.
I could see it in his face
Every time we were alone at his place.
We were only human
And I knew all too well
That little by little
Our integrity fell.
What we were waiting for after our wedding vows
Turned into how many times could we get away with it now.
The honest woman I had hoped to be
Remained as a girl living secretly.
And the guilt inside was eating me
That the values he had, by my hand, slipped into nothing.
I tried many time to break it off
Because his values weren't worth swapping for my touch.
I started reverting back to what I had felt
Nothing
Which, for me, was the easiest ways for things to be dealt.
I grabbed that hope much too quick
To think it would last without working for it.
At least I'm self aware enough to admit
That I turned my husband to the dark side where it was nothing but ****.