Jun 2014
Dear child don't cry, don't waste your tears on me. It was enough to have your love, I can do without your sympathy. Just live on, and learn from my memory. I wanted better things for you- dreams you could go out and do. Just do this last thing for me, just promise you'll be happy.
They said I can't save the world but I don't need to, it would be enough just to protect you. I tried and I tried, but it was all in vain. I spared you some, but not all, of my pain.
Dear child don't cry, don't waste your tears on me. It was enough to have your love, I can go without your sympathy. Just live on, and learn from my misery. I had hoped for a better life for you- that maybe you could make it through, somehow. I fear it's getting too late now. No matter what, my angel, just make this promise unto me, that you will be happy. Don't go through it sad like I did, don't ever be afraid to be a kid. For it's a privilege- I never got. In spite of how you're raised, in spite of all the pain. Remember, no matter what, I love you, my sweet child.
Even though I chose to leave you all alone, know I will find solace in a new home. And that I'm so sorry- for ever leaving. I was only doing what was best for me, but I won't forget you, no matter where I am I could never stop missing my precious baby. If there were an easy way to see you I'd do it, if I could hold you in my arms we'd get through this. But I don't think that's possible anymore. In your sweet heart all my love will pour. Depression hurts but this hurts more.
They said I couldn't save the world but I didn't need to, it would've been enough just to save you. I wish I could have. I beg you not to resent me, I'll have my thoughts for all eternity-to make me feel bad, to keep me company. I wish I couldn't given you a better goodbye, I know it's not very nice but I guess when you hear this it will just have to suffice. Someday, maybe many years from today, we may get to be together again and I will say:
I couldn't save the world, and I left unable to save you. I regret any times you missed me, I hope I never lost your love or needed too much sympathy. I'm so very sorry- for ever leaving. I did what was best for me; I wasn't being selfish, I was just surviving. It was something I felt I had to do. Know I missed you every moment of every day. Now I hope you'll let me hold you once again, come what may. And I hope you never forgot too, that I'll always love you.
They said I can't save the world but I don't need to, it would be enough just to protect you. I tried and I tried, but it was all in vain. I spared you some, but not all, of my pain.
Dear child don't cry, don't waste your tears on me. It was enough to have your love, I can go without your sympathy. Just live on, and learn from my misery. I had hoped for a better life for you- that maybe you could make it through, somehow. I fear it's getting too late now. No matter what, my angel, just make this promise unto me, that you will be happy. Don't go through it sad like I did, don't ever be afraid to be a kid. For it's a privilege- I never got. In spite of how you're raised, in spite of all the pain. Remember, no matter what, I love you, my sweet child.
Even though I chose to leave you all alone, know I will find solace in a new home. And that I'm so sorry- for ever leaving. I was only doing what was best for me, but I won't forget you, no matter where I am I could never stop missing my precious baby. If there were an easy way to see you I'd do it, if I could hold you in my arms we'd get through this. But I don't think that's possible anymore. In your sweet heart all my love will pour. Depression hurts but this hurts more.
They said I couldn't save the world but I didn't need to, it would've been enough just to save you. I wish I could have. I beg you not to resent me, I'll have my thoughts for all eternity-to make me feel bad, to keep me company. I wish I couldn't given you a better goodbye, I know it's not very nice but I guess when you hear this it will just have to suffice. Someday, maybe many years from today, we may get to be together again and I will say:
I couldn't save the world, and I left unable to save you. I regret any times you missed me, I hope I never lost your love or needed too much sympathy. I'm so very sorry- for ever leaving. I did what was best for me; I wasn't being selfish, I was just surviving. It was something I felt I had to do. Know I missed you every moment of every day. Now I hope you'll let me hold you once again, come what may. And I hope you never forgot too, that I'll always love you.
I wrote this right after I moved out of my mom's house and I meant it to be an explanation to my little sister of why I had to leave her in that harsh environment without me but when I read it after I wrote it down I realized it was more of an explanation of my plans for suicide at the time.
