despite how much i’ve learned and lost
again and again from love,
i will never be the girl who does the things she should
to protect her own heart.
the moment i know i love you,
i will hand it to you, in a box marked
“FRAGILE: Handle with care” but you won’t.
you never will.
i won’t pretend i don’t know this the entire time.
i will only dress in red just because i know
it is your favourite colour,
i will ask you what your middle name is because not knowing
little details about you will drive me insane.
i’m not the girl who moves on if her feelings are not
reciprocated.
because love for me is not an easy thing.
it is everything. it is the only thing.
when i love, i love hard.
i live and breathe love,
i dream love, i am love.
i will try to kiss you when we’re both drunk and delirious,
i will keep trying to kiss you even when you say
no, that it “isn’t the right time.”
i will shower you with profuse apologies for things
that are not even my fault to begin with.
i will touch your hand at every chance i get,
because i know one day soon i won’t be able
to touch you at all.
i will become calloused by your rejections,
despite your obvious forbidden returned affections.
i will consider myself a ******* because of how painful it is
to not give up.
with me, giving up is not an option.
giving up has always been the curse.
the curse i will forever wonder why i was not
blessed with.