When I had drank more shots than I had fingers I thought that the world was so simple,so capable of being figured out
I was riding a wave that rolled out of your alcohol ridden mouth in shades of blue-
Things like- I want to be a tree, I want to be every single thing that shakes so take me to the eye of the storm, where it begins but never ends,
Where the destruction outweighs the number of survivors; believe me when I say I deserve to be hurt
Of all the things that broke me I think you were my favorite
you say I love you and I hear you I hear you but I don't trust you and this is what breaks friendships and families and us
You ask me where I will live for the rest of my life
I could live in the light of LA I could live in the dark of Alaska I could live in my parents basement where there are closed blinds and carpets stained with mud you dragged in that I've never had the nerve to clean off
This is a drugged up prayer
This is my plea to the sun
Come back when it's warmer because I cannot stop once I've begun
And all these words are coming from the safe in my mind that have been unlocked by soft hands and warm eyes
I am not looking while I type this I am thinking of your knees and elbows and how they were always scarred
The first time I met you I swore to god I'd make you sigh now that's all I do
I joke about you leaving bruises on me then cry about it afterwards
I'm not sure what I want and I need to stop doing things that leave me weak keeled over and crying
I wrote that I was a wave, swallowing myself as a whole
Swallowing myself until this water is holy
My throat will never be dry
I'm not sure what this is
This is a preachers apology