I am up at 3:00 in the morning writing too many essays
I saved them until the last minute because I don’t know how to write anymore
It’s been too long
Too long since I scratched words into the wall by my bed until my fingers bled
Now I spend my time laying in bed, trying to get up
                        But I just can’t do it any more
                 Why can’t I do what I love any more
I don’t know how to describe what makes my heart so heavy
I don’t remember when I last saw the world in beautiful colors
                           It isn’t beautiful anymore
                                        It’s gray
The only time I see the colors is when they rush towards me like unstoppable waves
And for a few months I am unstoppable
                                    I am a god
    Until
              I
                  fall
                     The world is shocking colors of gray
                     Punctuated by overwhelming oceans of colors
And I am drowning
                                                          and
  ­                                   It isn’t beautiful anymore