Engulfed in flames
I burned to ash
Then flew away into the blustery wind.
I am nothing.
Nothing but a speck of dust suspended by just the will of others.
I live because others want me to.
And it's ridiculous how I still feel the urge to please and fill the lives of others with joy,
Yet I feel numb.
The tears flow every night
And perhaps it's my own fault.
Funny, though.
Whenever I'm around you
All those thoughts of dropping dead
Or killing myself
Just vanish.
Even though you're the reason why I've gone suicidal,
I'm still deeply, truly, unconditionally in love with you.
It's toxicity courses through my veins.
I always thought I would die for you.
Now I'm remorsefully accepting that I will die,
Because of you.
****.
Why do I keep loving you?