Why can't I just speak?
I had an hour with you
Just you and me
A whole hour
And I couldn't even do it.
I couldn't muster up the courage
To bring up
Anything
I tried
But I couldn't
Every time I opened my mouth
Intending to speak
My conscious began to scream
No
It felt like invisible hands were suffocating me
Shoving the words back down
To the place they came from
Why?
I trust you
I really do
I care
I really do
So why?
Why am I still afraid?
I don't have anything to fear?
Do I?
I just want to be able to speak with ease
I want the words to fall smoothly from my mouth
I desperately want to apologize
I want to tell you what I think
I want to listen
But first
I have to speak
I want to speak
But I don't want to say the wrong thing
I don't want to offend you
Or stir up anger
But
I'm pretty sure I don't actually have to worry about this
I don't
But I still do
And until I let this go
I will struggle to speak