I can't stand that I feel this way
I absolutely hate it
These feelings
These stupid, selfish feelings
This jealousy
This stupid, selfish jealousy
And I hate that I hate it
Because
I have no excuse
No reason
To be down on myself
No reason
For this boiling hatred
All around me I see God
Working through people
Attempting to touch me
But it's like I'm wearing a shield
And no one can get in
They are knocking, shaking, reaching
To break through
But their path has been blocked
They have tried to shatter this shield from a multitude of angles
But I have stood my ground
Strong and stubborn
Now though
They're ready to give up
And it's all my fault

I am living in this
Vicious, never-ending,
*******
Circle
Of self hate
And I hate it

But I can't seem to find a way to escape