I can't seem to forget all the ways I loved
the wrong hearts for so many days past
and I can't seem to erase the brutal memories my mind won't let go of
after learning that false love exists and that it's deep wounds last

fear has become the background to my every new desire
and every soft affection I have now needs a gasp of air
it puts a chill on my every new beginning's fire
and it repeats it's horrible lesson that life is never fair

keep me safe from the wretched redundant reminders
and keep for me my heart, the abandoned waif
and make the days spent away from hope a bit kinder
please keep my pains locked away, behind walls, in your strongest safe

I've no innocence left to give a new lover
there's no whole pieces of who I was left to fit back together
I don't have a way to hold you that won't smother
and I don't seem to have any beliefs that the past won't sever

there are no blank pages left in this soul
and I can't see bright days for it coming
not because of age, but because of loss, I feel so old
and overcome by the sad rhythm I alway catch myself humming

tired from treading oceans, I sink with pockets full of stones
and I am alone in ways only sea floors know
so I become the drowning and suffering and fractured bones
to survive I learn to hate, with black hate I can't seem to let go

after the purity that's been lost could I still be worth saving?
could I ever be seen as silver to be polished?
could I really be anything you've been craving,
after all of the past infliction has demolished?

the dreams of possibly still having spiritual love just tease me
and etch the permanence of it's absence in dark inked tattoos
and I hurt knowing that no kiss and no touch and no *** can release me
because any time spent together is just a closeness askew

so I turn the next bottle on it's head to see the bottom
knowing I could've have health and my baby son's love
but somehow I pushed summer colors into a fading autumn
and chose a life of lament for everyone I disposed of

now ambitions fade like stained glass at sunset
and my dreams choke down the realities of each day
and this heart in poverty pays only pennies of it's lonely debts
while the words and poems come out obtuse no matter what I say

my existence and it's damnable persistence
is more than the daily revisions of my self can survive
so I put the ice in another numbing glass
thinking of the younger me and the ways I use to thrive

kiss me, tell me I am worth loving, say I can find guiding light
grab me, hold me, tell me I am worth never sleeping alone at night
deliver me, come rescue me, give me a sanctum away from the spite
save me dear someone, please, convince me I can stop the bleeding after this fight