I called out of work because I didn't feel well
Maybe it was the snuffles
Or the chills


Or maybe..
Maybe it was that thing you do to my stomach
The way it flips over and over again
When you say my name
Or flash a smile


I think back so frequently
Too frequently maybe


Remember when we were laughing on your couch together
Sitting dangerously close to one another
Then your mother came home
And you flew to the other side of the room
I still wonder why
You moved away
From me
So quickly


Were you embarrassed?
Shocked?
Confused?
Did you want
Nothing to do with me?


Had you not realized
How close I was
To holding your hand


I think back

To when you watched the Superbowl at my house
And we snuck out
To the woods
You shared your flask with me
Blackberry brandy

How could I possibly forget?


I remember the way
That you looked at her
And how it slowly cut my heart open
Every
*******
Time


It seems so long ago
That we tried
To build an igloo
In your back yard
And your mother
Called us crazy
And wished she could be

Young like us


But the memory that stands out most
Is when those words left your lips
"I'm just trying to cut
certain people out of my life."

It still stings


I remember every footstep
As I tried to escape
To another room
To another life
Just to let out a few tears

Alone


I can still taste the salty liquid
On my tongue
As you stood above me
Not apologizing
Not saying a word at all
You just stood there and watched me
Slowly
Break
Down


Until I finally had enough strength
To tell you how I really felt
At that exact moment
"Get. The. ****. Out. Of. This. House."
I screamed through the sobs
And you listened

And it still stings


So now
Years. Months. Weeks. Hours. Minutes.
Later
How are you still
Haunting my mind?


I see the horror in your eyes
The monster within

I see the track marks
And what they've done

I see the burnt bridges
And how alone you must be


I miss my best friend
So much that it breaks my heart
From time to time


Because I know
That underneath everything
You really are a great person


I don't know what you are so afraid of
But I can't do this

Anymore


Because now I'm left wondering
If all we have in common
Are
The
Memories

And it still stings


I called out of work today
Maybe
Because I just couldn't handle
The thoughts swirling around
In my mind

Or maybe
Because I don't know
What I mean to you
Anymore

Or maybe
Because I just wanted
A day
To recover
From those nights we spent
Doing things
That I'm still ashamed of

Or maybe
I really was just
Sick today


Sick of you
Sick of breaking
Sick of breathing
Sick to my stomach


I have to admit
My scratchy throat
Swings of nausea
Runny nose
And chattering teeth
Cannot compare to the

Hell

You put me through



But I've never called out of work
For you
Even though

It still stings